Say What!?

In Mueller v. Oregon (1908) the Court upheld an Oregon law that limited women to no more then ten hours of labor a day. Our Con Law book was evaluating why this law would be okay when the Court had previously said that a law limiting bakery workers to ten hours a day (Lochner) was not okay. It was during the book's discussion of this that I found one of most amusing typos ever*:
"The Court cited the 'inherent difference between the two sexes,' the public interest in 'healthy mothers,' and the need to protect women as indicia of the pubic interest behind the law."
Did you catch that?

Nice to know that there is a pubic interest that lawmakers feel the need to protect. Just think if this typo had occured elsewhere.

On police cars it would now read: "To serve and protect the pubic."

Instead of the local Department of Public Works, it would now be The Department of Pubic Works.

The judge at a sentencing: "I hereby sentence you to 80 hours of pubic service."

The title on the newsletter from Career Services: "Pubic Interest Press"

The sign at the entrance to the library: "Welcome to The Pubic Library"

Instead of the Museum of Public Relations, we'd have the Museum of Pubic Relations.

On the next ballot there would be a referendum for Pubic Health Reform.

*Yes, only a law student such as myself would find typos amusing. What can I say? By the way, for the sake of citing my source, the typo was found in American Constitutional Law by Massey, Second Edition on the top of page 472.

What the Story Should Have Been...

And in our lead story tonight firefighters spent $62.25 rescuing 3-year-old Devin Haskins out of a toy-filled claw machine at the local pizza place.

When firefighters arrived on the scene, they were told there was no key to the machine. Drawing on their training, they took up a collection of quarters and quickly decided who would be best at saving the boy with the claw.

The first attempts were met with failure. "I kept centering the claw over his head, but I just couldn't get it to release in the right spot, " said Firefighter Mark Stevens. "Thats a sticky trigger button on that machine."

After 83 attempts, the boy was finally snagged by rookie Firefighter Greg Youngs. "My method was to go after his overalls. I thought that if I could hook him by the strap, I'd have him out in no time." When asked what he thought contributed to his success, Youngs replied, "I guess all of those years of playing this game when I was a kid has been worthwhile. I have 294 of these stuffed animals at home, but today's prize has definitely been the best." Youngs was candid, "It's not often that all of those worthless hours spent playing games pays off. I'm just happy that I was here and had the skills to help."

I don't understand teenage boys - this is a problem

So, this evening my two teenage nephews (my brother is much older than me) are coming to visit me from my home state. They will arrive around 4 this afternoon and leave tomorrow morning to go back. So it's only one evening. However, I have a problem. I'm not a boy, let alone a teenage boy. My significant other will not be home for at least 2 hours after they arrive. They love him because they can talk about cars and trucks and stuff. But what the hell am I going to do with them in the meantime? I have no cable, no X-box or Nintendo (and don't even know the difference between them.) I have a Playstation 1 that my older brother gave me a couple years ago because he was embarrassed that I had not ever played a video game. But I'm not sure where it is and I don't have that little card thingy that makes it remember your score or level or whatever. What does a female law student, who spends her free time reading Property Law (Somehow I don't think they would appreciate hearing about that) and Con Law, and who is becoming increasingly less lucid as finals approach going to do with two teenage boys for two hours?? I am so screwed.

Techno Saavy

So, before I begin, I need to clear up a few things. The first is that I love my mother, respect her completely, and also find her one of the most humorous people around. That being said....

Last week was Spring Break. Clearly the time of relaxation and fun beaches, right?

I'll take studying and parents for $200, Alex.

I visited my parents at their vacation home over the week and was suprised to find myself the technological answer guy- "hey, anita, help us out on the email thingy, would you? We can't seem to find any of the new ones." (They hadn't clicked on Inbox. Not kidding.)

I'll set the mood...It's Saturday night, and my best friend is visiting me for a weekend of sun, albeit with my parents. In an attempt to get us to stay in for the evening, my dad was continually pouring wine all throughout dinner. Needless to say, by the time we finished, all of us were tired, and definitely not in driving condition. So my mom- a faithful member of Netflix- suggests that we watch a movie. "Honey, we've got just the one- it's called Dreamer and it's about a horse, or something." At this point, I suggest we veto the movie and play poker, great idea, right? Wrong. My friend jumps in, eager to please and suggests we watch the movie as well. I give in, mostly out of boredom and the fact that I know I'll be asleep in 20 minutes anyway.

My mom gets the DVD, puts it in, and hits play. All of a sudden a flurry of images appears on the screen- my mom shrieks, and frantically starts hitting buttons in an attempt to get whatever was on the TV, off the TV. Turns out Mom had not rented Dreamer, but instead rented The Dreamers, an NC-17 film about sexcapades in Paris in the 1960's....

We played poker.

Four Things...

I'm sure everyone is just dying of curiosity to know more about us bloggers here in our non-competitive corner of the world, so wait no more. Here go you go:

4 Jobs You've Had in Your Life

equity trader, mortgage broker (yes, the sleazy, overpriced kind), sales for West Publishing, Grocery Bagger (I hated it so much I cried when I had to go to work - it was so much pressure - all the food coming down that conveyer belt, and so fast)

Calculating: a dishwasher at a summer camp, camp counselor (a promotion, obviously), server, accountant

Class: grocery store manager, server, therapist, coach

I don't work...I've been in school my entire life. However I have worked as a receptionist at a doctors office and as a claims assistant at a Mortgage company. I have also been a Ph.D. level graduate student so that kept me busy...which is nice.

Larceny: Hallmark and Things Remembered (
Different stores, same crazy old ladies that take half an hour to count out change and are never happy with your service), State Senate, and undergrad university

Sandra: 1. "dietary aide" in a nursing home 2. shoe saleswoman 3. telemarketer 4. grocery store deli counter

Scalito: Paperboy, Target Clerk, Network Engineer

4 Movies You Would Watch Over and Over Again
Anita: Pride and Prejudice, Wedding Crashers, Crash, The Breakfast Club

Gladiator, Braveheart, Half Baked, and I don’t know if I should admit this – 10 Things I Hate About You

Class:Sweet Home Alabama, A Civil Action, I am Sam, Gladiator

The Usual Suspects, Indian Jones: The last Crusade (Sean Connery is very sexy), Any Star Wars (even the newer ones), Sweet Home Alabama
Editor's Note: Okay, I added Sweet Home Alabama for Mr. Ito -- he only had three...

1) Nylon Lover’s (This is a video purchased by dear Sandra Gay in an effort to liven up a party at my house, she was unaware it was a nylon fetish video. Weird and hysterical), Bourne Identity, Disney's Beauty and the Beast, and finally, because I am in Crim Law and waiting for “Anyone? Anyone?” - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Sandra: 1. Ferris Buellers Day Off 2. Office Space 3. The Big Lebowski 4. Sweet Home Alabama

Scalito: Vertigo, Waking Ned Devine, It's a Wonderful Life, To Catch a Thief

4 T.V. Shows You Watch
Anita: Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway (Santino should have been out last season), Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Boston Legal

The Office, Law and Order (all three, but CI is the favorite version), My Name is Earl, The O.C.

Class:greys anatomy, desperate housewives, er, will and grace

Are you kidding me? Who has time to watch TV? I'm too busy reading or briefing. My wife watches and hence I watch: CSI: NY or Miami, Law and Order: All of them, I used to watch the Apprentice religiously(don't really anymore), One guilty pleaure is wrestling (did watch is last friday)

Larceny: CSI: The Original, ER (Sorry people, I tried to get into Grey’s Anatomy, and it didn’t take), America’s Next Top Model (pure humor), Dr. Phil (Ask any of the bloggers, I have a thing for Dr. Phil)

Sandra: 1. The West Wing 2. The Golden Girls 3. The Cosby Show 4. Sex and the City

Scalito: Lost, CSI (Vegas), CSI (Miami), Law & Order: SVU

4 Websites You Visit Daily
Anita: Pink is the New Blog, The Drudge Report,, Westlaw (and I hate it)

Calculating:Well, our blog, of course, all of the blogs on our blogroll, Westlaw (I'm a points whore as well), and the Smoking Gun

Class:Our Blog, My Work Website, CNN, Barely Legal Blog

This one, ESPN, Czbabe, CNN

Larceny: Barely Legal Blog, Pink is the New Blog and Socialite’s Life (generally at the same time), Westlaw so I can get points, Our blog to see what crap my friends put up

1. New York Times 2. (and thats about it for everyday!!)

Scalito: Our Blog, Silent Uproar, MSNBC, Gizmodo

4 of Your Favorite Foods
Anita: Sushi, Thai Food, Lean Pockets (I'd recommend the Pepperoni for breakfast), Steak

Calculating:Java Chip
ice cream, my mom's beef strognaff, House Special Lo Mein (#35 at the local takeout), Mushrooms (yeah, I'm weird, but I'll eat them in any form with anything)

Class: baked potatoe pizza, veggie fajitias, guacamole, lettuce wraps

pizza, thai food, Taco Bell, Raw Baby Carrots (Nature's Toothbrush!!)

Larceny: Chinese noodle dishes, Spaghetti and meatballs (what is better than that?), Cheap Chinese (a local cheap Chinese place Sandra Gay and I go and stuff our faces in), Taco Bell (or Taco Hell, whatever it is pure love)

Sandra: 1. macaroni and cheese with hot dogs in it 2. potstickers 3. pot roast 4. spaghetti

Scalito: Guiness Stout, Pistatchio Nuts, Walleye, Coffee (come on, it's a food)

4 Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
Anita: On a beach in Florida with NO STUDYING TO DO, Skiing in Winter Park, CO with no studying to do, Paris, France -- hell, if I'm there, I'll deal with the studying, Out on the lake wakeboarding.

in Vegas (I'm jonesing), at the Cabin during the middle of the summer, in bed with Ryan Reynolds, or living in San Diego

Class: Bahamas, shopping in New York, floating on a lake (somewhere warm), Washington D.C.

Sleeping, Watching a movie in the theaters, Playing with my two cats, Hangin out my friends in Vegas

Hell (warmer, this place is effing freezing, A psych ward (it’s kinda like that in here already anyway, at least there you get meds), Did I mention hell?, Some small cottage on the coast of Spain, where there is no Crim Law class nearby and I can drink wine all day).
Editor's note:
If you haven't already figured it out, Larceny was sitting in Crim Law while answering these questions...

1. at home on my couch 2. in bed 3. hawaii 4. on any beach

Scalito: Killarney Plaza, A Ballpark, The Brewery, Parkside Cafe

The Week of March 24th

Who is having the "BEST WEEK EVER"?

Who has a statue of herself giving birth on a bear skin rug with her back arched and her pelvis thrust upward?

Who has been dubbed the "ideal" model for the Pro-Life movement?

Who is part of the first Pro-Life monument?

Image hosting by Photobucket

Yes, Britney Spears is having the best week ever!

Full article here:
"Britney provides inspiration for those struggling with the 'right choice'," said artist Daniel Edwards, recipient of a 2005 Bartlebooth award from London's The Art Newspaper. "She was number one with Google last year, with good reason --- people are inspired by the beauty of a pregnant woman," said Edwards.

When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be

Reasons I Should Become a Tax and Estate Attorney
  • There are only two things certain in life: death and taxes. So at least I'll always have a job.
  • According to a footnote in my Property book: "Estate attorneys will likely generate more than $25 billion in revenue from servicing estates in the $1 million or more range during the 1996-2005 period. This figure is greater than the net income generated by all partnerships for all services in 1994." I'll get a piece of that pie.
Reasons I Should NOT Become a Tax and Estate Attorney
  • My friends make fun of me for being a nerd.
    • Then again, I'm already a nerd regardless of the future job choice.
  • Tax Attorneys are known alcoholics. In the words of Alton Brown: "Except for tax attorneys nothing sits so nicely on the side of a martini glass as does a shrimp."
    • Then again, becoming an alcoholic after law school would just mean that I'd have to start drinking less.
  • People at cocktail parties give me strange looks when I tell them what I want to do.
    • Then again, the same people ask me if they can give me a call once I graduate.
  • My friends make fun of me for being a nerd.
  • All of my relatives will want me to a) do their taxes and b) write their wills.
    • Then again, I can just write myself in as a beneficiary.
  • Did I mention that my friends make fun of me for being a nerd?

Law school has ruined my eyesight

Well, yesterday I finally went to see an eye doctor because of my recent blurry vision. I knew things weren't going well when the doctor would tell me to read the bottom line and I'd say what I thought the letter was and my significant other sitting next to me made a cringing face and shook his head. Sometimes he even laughed a little. (Later when I said, "well I know I messed up the C's and O's" he said "yeah, and the N's, R's, H's, Q's and K's" and I said "Oh.")Turns out I'm slightly near-sighted. When he showed me the difference between my regular vision, and with a prescription I was a little surprised.

So I am getting glasses. After my 3 hour lying around because I could see nothing (thanks to that horrible pupil dilating stuff) we went shopping for eyeglasses and I picked a pair out. (Actually the cute girl at the store picked them out and I insisted on looking for another half hour and then went back to the ones she picked out.) I guess listen to the girl who is wearing glasses and looks good in them. So if I look like all the models in the store that looked cute with their glasses I'll be happy. Because to me, everyone I know looks way better in their glasses than I did in any glasses. But I did discover I have a lot to learn. The girl kept using "eyeglass lingo" as I call it to describe what I should/shouldn't do with them. I had no clue what she was talking about. I know "frame" and "lens" and that's about it. I don't even know how to clean them. Thank goodness I only have to wear them during class and sometimes while driving and watching movies, otherwise I'd probably ruin them for sure. Any one wanna tell me some eyeglass info so I don't stare dumbly at the people at the store on Friday when I pick them up?

This Just Sucks

Okay, so as most of you probably realize, we are on Spring Break this week. It is this topic which leads me to my two second rant since I've spent the last four days finding absolutely anything to procrastinate putting off this lovely summary judgment brief that we have to write (and when I say absolutely anything -- I've even gone so far as to (gasp) clean the toilet).

Why is it that in law school even a week off is not really a week off? I've heard rumors from the 2Ls that after your first year it doesn't matter if you have a paper due two days after break ends -- you still head off to Cancun or the Keys -- basically anywhere warmer without thoughts of Westlaw or looming due dates. It is comments like these that give me hope. Can anyone confirm that these rumors are true?

And the winner is...

The most interesting site from which someone clicked over to our site this week:

I wouldn't recommend clicking this link if your boss is looking over your shoulder or you're in the computer lab at school.

On that note, props should also be given to the person that found our site through a google blog search for "pee outside." Not sure what you were looking for, but I'll bet you didn't find it here.


I have come to realize that giving law students free reign on Westlaw during law school is a terrible, terrible, idea. Here is why... Westlaw sucks us in by offering us unlimited access for free, free printing, and by giving us "Westlaw" Points to be redeemable for fabulous, fabulous prizes (Calculating is aiming for the iPod while I am aiming for a Kate Spade purse for Mrs. Ito). I have truly become a Westlaw Junkie...hoping and wishing for more and more points to satisfy my fix. Here is what they tell me at Westlaw, "research everyday- 20 pts," "answer trivia-10 pts," "attend various seminars- 100-500 pts." In less then a month I have managed to accumulate about 2000 pts (with many, many more still possible before the end of the semester- ask me about the "bingo card.")

Here is what they should tell you about Westlaw before they get you addicted to the free stuff during law school. Once you leave law school, it is really expensive to use it. Several of us here took a Westlaw Seminar entitled "Prepare to Practice" (got us 500 Westlaw points and a beautiful soft leather portfolio) and we found how much it costs out in the real world. Here are just some examples (and the numbers are not exaggerations...).

Typical Database search Costs:

Search all cases- $159 (everytime you hit the "Search" button)
Search one state's cases- $52
Keycite a case- $6.25 (per Case- think of a memo you would write which may cite to 20-30 cases)

Search all cases- $15.80/minute or $948/hour
Search one state's cases- $6.33/minute, $380/hour

Of course this is without any real discounts (some firms have discounts and will allow you unlimited access but remember a client still does not want to see a $4000 bill for "research"). I just thought I would point this out to everyone before you get addicted, for me it is too late, time to go print out some statutes and earn some more Westlaw Points. (I may need an intervention at some point)

Spring Break!!!

Today is the 1st day of spring and spring break. Where am I? The law library, where else? Instead of sipping margaritas, shooting tequila and doing kegstands on a barrel of Corona, I am writing a brief. While throngs of nubile co-eds are being duped into showing their chesticles and making porn, I am in the fucking library at 8 fucking AM on our first day of break!!!

The life of a 1L. Glamorous ain't it? Gotta go pick up my WestLaw prints.


Ah, the Irish

Class Bitch this morning informed me that she just found out that her grandmother is three-quarters Irish.

My response: “So that makes you part Irish.”

Her reply: “Damn. So I am a minority.”

My response: “Um, I don’t think that Irish are considered minorities.”

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit

Readers and Fellow Bitches,
I need break (and a beer) more than I need Con and Crim today. I wish you all a great break. Now get to work on your SJ memo!!!

My Study Aid For Today:

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit


Sick days even suck

Larceny bitch is sitting at home on the couch right now with my laptop and a cup a tea (which I have to be careful with as I have a habit of spilling.) I decided to go to a car show with the significant other last night and proceeded to eat the famous "mini-donut." Never had them before, heard great things, ate them, wanted to die 6 hours later. So yes, I was a good significant other - but now I am paying for it. And I should know better, my whole life has been stomach issues, as I have a stomach that is prone to issues anyway.

But alas, I am staying home from classes because 1) I feel like crap and 2) It is snowing a lot again and I am in no condition for public transportation. Especially if another smelly drunk sits next to me, I will barf. But anyway, you would think this would be kinda awesome, like back when you were a kid and when you stayed home you got to watch TV and have your mom make tea and toast or something. Nope. I will be sitting at home, studying. Granted, I may watch an hour of Dr. Phil (I love him) but that's about it. Otherwise, I will be researching and reading for classes. Damn law school. You can't even rest on a sick day. What is that all about?

Something I Don't Understand

A rusted out 1989 Dodge Caravan with these spinners.

Can someone explain that to me please?

And I Have To Spend My Spring Break Here

This morning I stepped out of the backdoor to my house and looked around. The trees were coated in ice, the sun was sparkling off of the snow and icicles were hanging from the eaves of the houses in the neighborhood. It looked like a scene that you normally only see in calendars during the winter months. In a word: beautiful.

Then I inhaled and my nose hairs froze. Forget snow days, picturesque scenes, and snow sports. I'll take anywhere warmer.

I wonder if they have any accredited law schools in Mexico?

Another Reason [not?] to have children...

This has been a recent debate in the Ito household... When I first was dating/engaged, my wife and I had decided we would have 2 children and then likely adopt another for a grand total of 3. However, since then I have had quite the change of heart, now children anywhere (at parties or at the law school) send me into convulsions and I constantly mutter under my breath, DAMN KIDS!!! It's like I have turned into a grumpy old man who can't be bothered by the kids constantly leaving flaming bags of poo on his front door step.

However this reminds me of a story that my old boss once told me...ladies pay attention. My old boss was a real smart guy he had a PhD and his wife was an MD. As smart as I thought he was, he always told me his wife was waaaaay smarter than him. That was before they had children. Now his wife tells him that as she has more children (they now have two) she seems to be losing her ability to remember things and in general seems to be less intelligent then she was before she began reproducing. His response to me was "if you marry a woman smarter then you, get her pregant, it seems to dull both the wit and the intelligence. If I have a few more kids maybe I will finally be smarter than her." Moral of the story- Having babies makes you stupid.

Of course being good lawyers that we are, we need to find the counterargument. My wife put it very eloquently when we were debating the merits of child bearing. She told me this, "Most of the people we hang out with are really smart [either in Law School or in a PhD program, but the very least all of our friends are college graduates] and if all the smart people stop reproducing then what are we going to be left with: a world filled with stupid people reproducing at a very high rate [think poor white trash or ghetto fabulous individuals who have enough children to field a baseball team]. Is this what we really want the future to be? The smart people need to reproduce in order to prevent the "meek from inheriting the Earth." So there you have people do need to reproduce in order to prevent the "dumbification" of America.


Snow Day Part II

-----Original Message-----
From: Dean of the Law School
Sent: Monday, March 13, 2006 8:25 AM
To: All Law Students

Subject: University is Closed

I just learned that the University is closed (as I sit in my office after a long commute). Go home if you are here. Stay home if you are not.

Okay, maybe its just me, but doesn't he sound kind of pissed? You'd think that if you were the dean you'd be the first one to know that the school was closed. I wonder if he got to his office, was surfing the web and clicked on the local news station's school closings before he found out that the university was officially closed.


Wooohooooo!!!! (Okay, so we're not in the south) This is awesome, like high school!

A break from the law school world: a view of the life of the outside world (Read: Scary)

Another blogger and I were discussing the odd change in some women once they have a child. Note, this is not all women, just some. But I have an example. The following excerpt is from a friend of my significant other. She has two children and sent the following in a Christmas card letter. Yes, a Christmas card letter.

“You could say that our remodeling is pretty much finished now, because there is pee on the toilet seat in the new bathroom, handprints and blood on the freshly painted walls, blood on the granite tile, throw up on the quilt. Also, Baby 1 has left some of his skin and blood on the driveway. Baby 1 also learned how to pee outside. Baby 2 is doing well, except we had to take him to the doctor last month (actually a Gastro-intestinologist) because he had 12 messy diapers a day!”

This is a section of a two page letter in which I read the entire thing, I mean she had me at the blood and pee. Okay, I know what you’re thinking – she didn’t actually write this, Larceny just took some creative license. Nope – WORD FOR WORD. Now, I realize that she is just mentioning the blood, puke and pee as a part of the house being a scene of many bumped elbows and other kid moments. However, why in God’s name would you send this out in a Christmas letter, and in such detail?! And this is all the entire letter carries, just news like this. Is anyone else picturing a CSI scene? Whenever I show this to people, no one ever believes me it’s real. I assure you my gentle readers, it is. And this woman is a well-educated, somewhat intelligent person. What the hell happened? Oh right, she had a kid.

A Disclaimer for all (because we apparently need one)

It has come to my attention that a fellow (or several fellow) law students at our school have discovered our blog, and that those who think they know which school we are and think they may go here are checking it out. Great, we hope you enjoy it. For those who for some reason feel we are talking about you when we are blogging (because apparently our discussions of Saved by the Bell, our apparent need for money and our nerdiness have secret messages about others hidden in them) please remember that we are much more concerned with ourselves than anyone else, I mean, we're law students. We're innately self-important and self-concerned. That being said, I'd like to use my famous Larceny Bitch phrase:

Let's calm down the crazy.

Honestly, we created this site to entertain one another, and if we can entertain others, even better. But don't take what we say personally, we're just bored and tired law students - this is not a blog of in-depth, political statements. Also, just in case anyone thinks they know our school (maybe you do, but I doubt it) and are wondering what it's like: you could ask any one of us on a different day what we think and I promise each of us would say that we love our law school and wouldn't change it for anything. We've found great friends and have learned a lot about ourselves here. You will too.

With love to all,

Only a Law Student

A joke that a fellow law student made up:

"There are three alligators sitting next to a pool drinking margaritas. An argument breaks out. Which one started it?"

The Instigator

"Which one won the argument?"

The Litigator

Things I've Realized
  • Only a law student would laugh at a joke like that
  • Law jokes are terribly cheesy.
  • When you try to tell a law joke to a non-lawyer, he will just look at you blankly and you be in a rush to justify, "Well, I guess you had to be there."
  • I'd better make friends while I'm in law school, because no normal person is going to want to be my friend once I graduate.

Should've Thought That One Over...

Good Idea:
Taking a break from studying this weekend to relax in front of the T.V.

Bad Idea:
Depending on the Law&Order Marathon that I watched all weekened to get me through my Crim Law midterm on Monday.

Damn attendance

The Barely Legal Blog wrote an awesome blog about the incredible inability of law students to pass papers around the classroom. It was featured in the National Jurist and as I read it, I was sitting in class and the attendance sheet was coming towards me. This happens in many classes around here. Funny enough, it usually ends up at Class Bitch's spot (and she is in the middle of the room in a middle row - don't ask) After thinking of this post I thought, "well I can't screw it up in this class, they always send it out in the same direction." WRONG. I get it, sign the sheet, and then pass it to the person in front of me (yes, that is how it has been done all semester, do not ask me how or why - I just pass the way I know works). But today, alas, it failed. The person took it. Looked at it for a minute, then he (and the person next to him) turned around and said "we already got it." It's funny how none of us, including a fellow blogger next to me could not figure out what to do. There was a system! We knew that system! Now what?! And so, we pass it behind and pawn it off on another to figure it out. That's right, pass the buck.

Fat Tuesday

Lent is upon us. The powerful and profound time of the church year which calls us to a closer relationship with Christ. I feel compelled to write, because my lenten journey is now complete. In fact, all the spiritual growth and fulfillment I could handle was taken care of the night before Ash Wednesday. Yes folks, I found Jesus on Fat Tuesday at the Old Country Buffet.

Please do not laugh. I am sharing a powerful spiritual experience with you now.... It happened like this.....

I pulled up outside the strip mall. There, nestled in between a gift shop specializing in NASCAR collectibles and a quaint little store with a sign that read, simply, "TOBACCO" was a large temple of love. I did not know what pulled me there or why. It was an invisible force, but I knew I had come to the right place when I saw 2 signs that read, "Tuesdays kids eat free" and "Tonight is steak night." My eyes welled up with tears. I was not sure what to do next, but God had a plan. A large cargo van pulled into the space next to me. 10 Children hopped out. I thought that would be enough of a sign..... after all, Jesus said, "Let the children come to me." right? I could have followed them. But God knew that my "thinking like a lawyer" heart would need more convincing. 2 minutes later the lift from the van was lowered, and a very large woman in a power scooter was lowered to the ground. Two (also very large) men assisted her. She had quite an impressive moustache, and so I figured that this was as close as I would ever get in this day and age to the 3 wise men. I followed them all inside the door.

When I got inside the door, I realized I was going to be waiting in a rather long line for awhile. I marveled at how great the sight ahead of me must be...all of these people waiting for so long just to catch a glimpse. My eyes welled up again. I was moved by the anticipation and the witness of so many people.The line did not seem to move at all, so I asked a man ahead of me, "What's taking so long, and why are so many people here." He must have been moved too, for it was at that moment that he screamed at his girlfriend "I don't owe you any more f*&king support! And I want my Dale Earnhardt Jacket back too you bi*ch!" I waited patiently for his response. He paused, looked at me, and replied, "The line is so f*%$king long because its almost the first of the month you dumbass!" Truely, our god is an awesome god.

Finally, I paid my admission, and was given clearance to behold the glory that appeared before me. Islands and islands of chafing dishes and heat lamps as far as the eye could see...... Hundreds of people, all throwing one another out of the way, pushing their way to the warmth of the lights. I just had to be part of the healing. I set down my purse, threw off my coat and anything else that could have hindered my speed, and grabbed a plate- still hot from the dishwasher- and made my way to the salad bar. I had no problems there. I guess these people must have known that Jesus was nowhere to be found among broccoli and other such wastes of culinary time. I started to panic. The children, the 3 wisemen, the abusive boyfriend prophesying in the line, and the glory of the lights..... I was sure this was where I was supposed to be! Where then, was my salvation!!??

A riotous sound directed my attention across the room. A crowd had formed around one of the islands. I made my way over. I did not know why, but I knew I needed what was there. I pushed my way through many of god's people: women with shirts that read, "It's not PMS, I'm just a bitch", men who wore "I'd rather be fishing" and "I live with fear- occasionally she lets me hunt" hats. I kept going. My faith led me to throw 450lb children out of the way. One even tried to put ketchup on my arm and take a bite. But I ignored the pain, for just as the paralytic found his way to Christ, so I would too, for our Lord said, "Behold, Your faith has made you well."

Finally I beheld the glory of god. I knew what all the excitement was about. There was Jesus. And there he was to share the supper with me. Around him were trays of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, gravy and...... (I'm close to tears as I say it now).... fried chicken. Jesus handed me a fried chicken leg and said, "Do this in rememberance of me."

I was speechless. But I collected myself, and calmly said, "I am not worthy to recieve this lord, but only say the word, and it shall be so." He smiled at me and said, "Go my faithful child, apply salt and pepper and gravy, for today, I am well pleased."

She's Really NOT paying attention...

Class Bitch has really proved that she is not paying attention. We're half way through Con Law and have moved onto talking about how Brown has lead to a lot of social reform that occurred through litigation:

Class Bitch: he keeps saying legislation and then the he meaning to say judicial?

Calculating Bitch: he's talking about litigation, not legislation...

I don't remember reading that in that case...

In Con Law this morning we were talking about Brown v. Board of Education and the idea of racial discrimination and segregation. About ten minutes in to class, fellow blogger Class Bitch sends me an IM asking if she can get my notes because she already missed the first three points. I responded that was fine, and then went back to my note taking. Ten minutes later, I look over and she is working on something that is obviously NOT Con Law, so I send her the following IM:

Calculating Bitch: so now that I'm giving you notes, you've stopped paying attention all together?

Class Bitch: no I’ve been taking notes

Class Bitch: up to immigration

Calculating Bitch: hmm, we're not talking about immigration

Calculating Bitch: we're talking about INTEGRATION

NOTE TO SELF: Do not study for the Con Law final with Class Bitch. Although, I suppose if I was a better friend I'd stop sending her my notes so she starts paying attention...