Now it all makes sense!

So, John Roberts and I were having an AIM conversation in order to avoid the horror that is our Property reading. And then we discovered something about ourselves and our group that will make all you late 80's, early 90's people sigh in rememberance of your childhood. And then you may get all of our personalities more.

LarcenyBitch (1:57:22 PM): That's what i'm most looking forward to, especially while I read through this horrible property case
John Roberts
(1:58:32 PM): I still haven't started it yet because I am working on some same-sex marriage research shit for Contracts prof, but I can hear Lance Ito and Sandra Gay moaning about it next to me
LarcenyBitch
(1:59:01 PM): lol, it is horrendous, I'm sure you'll get to it and enjoy it just as much as them
John Roberts
(1:59:42 PM): I'm sure I will. At least I am learning one thing in Property: S&M just isn't my thing
LarcenyBitch
(2:05:32 PM): John, if you could please just do this reading for me, and if she says "Ms. Larceny?" you could just answer for me, that would be great
John Roberts
(2:05:57 PM): sure thing Larceny
LarcenyBitch
(2:06:03 PM): great
John Roberts
(2:06:04 PM): do you have a wig I could borrow?
LarcenyBitch
(2:06:14 PM): No, but just tell her you got a haircut
John Roberts
(2:06:15 PM): if you pull your hair back, we can switch spots and she will never know
LarcenyBitch
(2:06:21 PM): perfect
John Roberts
(2:06:39 PM): oh, you would need to tape down your boobs too, and I would need something to stuff in my shirt
LarcenyBitch
(2:06:54 PM): I'll bring you a bra to stuff
John Roberts
(2:06:59 PM): perfect
John Roberts
(2:07:23 PM): its agreed then. I will be you tomorrow, and you will be me
LarcenyBitch
(2:07:39 PM): okay, but if she calls on "mr. Roberts" you have to do that too
John Roberts
(2:08:26 PM): woah, woah, woah
John Roberts
(2:08:41 PM): how are we going to pull a costume switch off in front of everyone?
LarcenyBitch
(2:08:51 PM): I will put my hair down
LarcenyBitch
(2:08:54 PM): And you will cross your arms
John Roberts
(2:09:00 PM): we need a smoke bomb
John Roberts
(2:09:07 PM): you can toss it if she calls on mr. Roberts
John Roberts
(2:09:17 PM): and then we can quick switch while everyone is coughing
LarcenyBitch
(2:09:22 PM): That would be perfect
John Roberts
(2:09:28 PM): but then if she calls on Larceny we would be fucked
John Roberts
(2:09:36 PM): unless you had some more smoke bombs
LarcenyBitch
(2:09:51 PM): So you're saying I'd have to bring two
John Roberts
(2:10:00 PM): that would be best
John Roberts
(2:10:04 PM): maybe 3 just in case
John Roberts
(2:10:08 PM): I feel like I am in an episode of "Saved by the Bell"
LarcenyBitch
(2:10:44 PM): And why is that?
John Roberts
(2:11:04 PM): because we are hatching this crazy school related scheme
John Roberts
(2:11:18 PM): it seems like the kind of thing zach would have screetch do so zach could get in kelly's pants
John Roberts
(2:11:34 PM): wait a minute
John Roberts
(2:11:42 PM): were you even old enough for saved by the bell?
LarcenyBitch
(2:11:49 PM): No, I loved Saved by the Bell, but I want to be Kelly
John Roberts
(2:12:00 PM): yes, you are. I am screetch, and Sandra Gay can be zach
LarcenyBitch
(2:12:17 PM): She has the right hair color
John Roberts
(2:12:31 PM): you're right
LarcenyBitch
(2:12:32 PM): Is Lance Ito AC Slater?
John Roberts
(2:12:36 PM): hmm
John Roberts
(2:12:39 PM): I guess so
LarcenyBitch
(2:12:44 PM): You know, all smart assy and guido-ish
John Roberts
(2:12:48 PM): lol
LarcenyBitch
(2:14:01 PM): Who the hell is Lisa?
John Roberts
(2:14:07 PM): Class Bitch
John Roberts
(2:14:12 PM): they both love to shop
LarcenyBitch
(2:14:13 PM): Maybe Class Bitch, she's kinda high maint-
John Roberts
(2:14:17 PM): lol
LarcenyBitch
(2:14:18 PM): Damn, you beat me, great minds think alike
John Roberts
(2:14:30 PM): which leaves Calculating Bitch as jesse
John Roberts
(2:14:40 PM): both tough, but with a tender side too
John Roberts
(2:14:41 PM): awww
LarcenyBitch
(2:14:42 PM): Well of course, the overworked studier
LarcenyBitch
(2:17:10 PM): Funny enough, there are the perfect number of characters from that show for our group
John Roberts
(2:18:04 PM): I guess it means that we have found an inherent truth or something
John Roberts
(2:18:17 PM): even funnier is that we all match up pretty well with the characters
LarcenyBitch
(2:19:14 PM): lol, that is kinda true too

Con Law: How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

(A take on Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Poem)

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My frustration can reach, when feeling completely incompetent,
For the ends of Commerce and Seperation of Powers. (Please, let them end)
I love thee to the level of everyday's
constant exhaustion, by reading and briefing.
I love thee freely, as law students strive for mediocrity (which is as good as it's gonna get)
I love thee purely, as those same students love Crim Law. (feel the irony?)
I love thee with a passion never to be put to use
In my old briefs, and with my law student's knowledge (of which there seems to be none)
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With the first day of class - (I liked it the first day, honest.)
Smiles, tears (but mostly tears) of all my life! And if God choose,
I shall love thee better after death (because at least then it will be over.)

Never was much of a poet, but my passion (passion for hatred that is) for Con Law grows as the midterm grows near.

Is This How All Great Businesses Begin?

During an IM conversation about Larceny’s sex life:

Sandra: You're like the military of sex.
Sandra: Dedicated, disciplined, frequent, and on time.
Calculating Bitch: Or more like the boy scouts? Always prepared?
Sandra Gay O’Connor: I think boy scouts is a good analogy. They can "tie different types of knots" together and "make a fire" with very little supplies.
Larceny Bitch
: We're not on time, all about the spontaneity
Sandra Gay O’Connor: That’s still on time.
Calculating Bitch: Exactly, to get it in 9 times a day there has to be a schedule:
Calculating Bitch: Before breakfast
Calculating Bitch: After breakfast
Calculating Bitch: Right after he gets home
Calculating Bitch: Right after the time you did it right after he got home
Sandra Gay O’Connor: I think their sex schedule resembles a newborn feeding schedule. Well done, Calculating.
Larceny Bitch: Yes, well done indeed
Calculating Bitch: So if you’re like the boy scouts, then how many badges do you have Larceny?
Larceny Bitch: Like, a lot
Sandra Gay O’Connor: She has lots of badges. I saw them: "outdoor adventure", "water sports"
Larceny Bitch: I also have badges in "pitching a tent"
Calculating Bitch: "Most adventurous in a dressing room", "Best fuck in a backseat."
Sandra Gay O’Connor: "Wilderness survival"
Class Bitch: this needs to be on the blog....
Larceny Bitch: Oh, god. People will think I'm a drunken sex freak
Sandra Gay O’Connor: You are!!
Calculating Bitch: I love it. Come on, more badges. We could start our own business selling them.
Class Bitch: Well, I can’t think of better words to describe you personally…
Sandra Gay O’Connor: Badges are a great idea
Calculating Bitch: Instead of sending flowers or a card, get her a badge!
Class Bitch: Lighting the fire, cleaning the pipes
Calculating Bitch: Forget Hallmark.
Sandra Gay O’Connor: What should the fellatio badge have on it?
Calculating Bitch: Ooh, I didn't think about illustrations, Sandra.

Heck - lawyers are funny (and other topics)

I told y'all last week about my impending interview. It actually went quite well (not to jinx myself) but the best part about it was that I learned that lawyers are funny! I thought my fellow bloggers and I were alone in this aspect, but apparently they're pretty funny and quite easy to interview with - granted, this was two lawyers and they may be an exception to the rule.

I went to my hometown this weekend to visit my parents. Don't you wish sometimes that you could just move back home where you get home-cooked food every day (not the McDonalds and frozen meals that have been my dinners of late) and where your parents buy you things (like food and necessities) because they have noticed that since you started law school you have become quite incapable of taking care of yourself. That, and my father thinks that the state I live in for school has absolutely no ethnic or spicy foods and is determined to keep his daughter well fed.

Also, our fellow blogger Class Bitch is stuck in NY in the snow. Which is quite funny to the rest of us, and will surely create some good fodder for her to blog about. (And if her ranting email says anything, it's that this should be interesting when she does.) Drink another Cosmo for me Classy!

The Big Interview

Well, today is the day that Lance Ito and I have our big interviews. We have been putting all our eggs in one basket so to speak, so if we don't get these jobs, we will be spending the next month or so in a panic looking for work (and any work at that.) So here is my big question:

Why do we have to be so fake at these things?

It's funny, I usually tend to be quite good at meeting new people, but interviews are different. They are there for the sole purpose of seeing if you can cut it, and don't care about much else. That's a bit intimidating, and they're always so serious! I like to make things more personable in an interview, but that's quite a goal with these lawyers sometimes. I guess that's what good about becoming one, soon I'll be able to strike fear in the hearts of law students everywhere. Soon I will have the power to make or break their day.

That being said, Larceny is wearing her power suit today, so if nothing else - I will look DAMNED good.

What I really mean is...

So this weekend we all went out for a certain blogger's birthday...and when I say went out...I mean got really smashed. And by really smashed...I mean that parts of the night are a little hazy, and some vague memories are slowly returning. And by slowly returning, I mean that people are telling me what happened.

Gotta love law school. And birthdays. Mostly though, you gotta love birthdays in law school.

Didn't see that in the paper box...

I don't know what's worse: when you go into a porn shop and the cashier asks the guy in front of you whether he'd like to rent or buy the 6 videos placed on the counter, or the fact that he throws a copy of the local metro newspaper on top of the stack. Like he came into to buy a newpaper and not the porn.

Another note to the prospective law students:

Don't get excited about Criminal law. We all get excited, we were all gung ho in the beginning of the semester, "yeah, Crim Law! Rape, murder, robbery, what can be boring about that?!"

Just wait.

It's not what you think. You know it's bad when you start wishing desperately that you were back in Contracts just for something to keep you awake. It's also not good if you haven't take one note all class, and heck haven't even bothered to open your note-taking program (OneNote people!) And when you spend the entire class IMing people things like, "I dare you two to get up and leave class together," (Yes, lame I know) and "Double dog dare you to raise your hand and ask him what sodomy means." See? Sigh, this is wretched. But for all of you wondering out there:

It is Larceny Bitch's Birthday! Happy Birthday to ME!
So come on people out there, send Larceny some love for her birthday.

Friday Diversion (Norris Style)

  • Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

  • Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

  • The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

  • According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

  • Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

  • There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

And My Personal Favorite of the Day:
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Workin for the man

So, I had a meeting today with a big shot attorney. We went to a big fancy restaurant where all the waitors already knew him and where he has "a table." And then he said something to me, "well, when you're starting at a firm you make $110,000 a year, so that's good money."

Uh-yeah. Can I just quit law school now and work for the man? I mean I'm going to be a litigator, so I'm just going to yell and be difficult for my entire career. Might as well just start paying me now since I pretty much already do that. $110,000 a year starting. F-ing sweet.

Then again, I'm just a 1L with dollar signs in her eyes and only mere dreams of getting in on that action.

Land of Milk & Honey


I. Outline

  • Since becoming a law student - I dream, think and live in and endless world of outlines. If you don’t care for posts in outline form – move on.

II. Overheard Today

  • Student A: Did she think he was hot?
  • Student B: Yeah. Hell yeah.
  • Student A: Really? She thought he was hot but she’s also seeing someone?
  • Student B: Yeah, but it’s not like she’s faithful. We could totally get her to do him
  • Scalito: Are you guys freshmen?
  • Student A: No but you’re a sophomoric (really - that's what he said. A sophmoric what? Never did tell me).
  • Scalito (thought): Great comeback.
  • Student B (in front of many other students): Hey, were just trying to get student C laid, settle down.
  • Scalito (thought): Is this high school or a frat house? WTF.