Timeline: Studying for Law School Finals The LawBitch Way

14 Days Before First Exam: Take a look at finals schedule. Realize you have two weeks before your first final. Spending time surfing the internet, looking at porn.

10 Days Before First Exam: Take a break from looking at online porn to open a word document and think about starting outlines. Stare at blinking cursor for two minutes. Go back to looking at porn online.

7 Days Before First Exam: Shut down your computer, it needs a break and so do you. Go to the bar. Stop at the liquor store on the way there and pickup a .175 of Captain.

5 Days Before First Exam: Get back from the bar. Sober up long enough to look at your notes. Realize they are absolute crap.

4 Days Before First Exam: Run to bookstore. Get lucky enough to snag the last copy of CrunchTime or Emmanuel’s off the shelves.

3 Days Before First Exam: Go back to the bar. Consume so much alcohol in three hours that you start a fight with someone twice your size, and mistakenly spill a drink down the front of the hostess’s shirt. Since you are no longer welcome at the bar, return home and open a new word document.

2 Days Before First Exam: Complain to all of your friends about how law school is bullshit and you haven’t had time to start your outlines yet because you’ve been so busy. Start re-typing CrunchTime/Emmanuel’s into a word document. Save as “outline.”

1 Day Before First Exam: Find Jesus.

Day of First Exam: Finish final 40 minutes early. Go into the bathroom and cut yourself.

Day after First Exam and before Second Exam: Start re-typing your commercial supplement for the next class into a new word document. Surf internet porn for an hour. Finish making your “outline,” doing a shot each time you type the word “reasonable.”

Day of Second Exam: Finish final 70 minutes early. Go home and cry self to sleep.

Day after Second Exam, oh wait, it’s the Day of Third Exam: get to school one hour before the exam. Photocopy the main pages of your commercial supplement. Staple together and write “outline” on the top (preferably in crayon, if available). Finish final in half the allotted time. Head to the bar. Stay there. Permanently. Who cares if you have any more finals?

7 comments:

IronBlossom said...

I think I love you.

and I wish I spent as much time at the bas as you.

Oh, and today was my evidence final, so insanity is a totally perfect defense.

IronBlossom said...

damn bas=bars

Anonymous said...

You're my favorite poster.sm

The Namby Pamby said...

Absolutely beautiful. And true.

Cept for the cutting...I just used that time to go drink more. Figure alcohol poisoning is less bloody

Anonymous said...

>>>Finish making your “outline,” doing a shot each time you type the word “reasonable.”

I tried that last night working on my torts outline. Commenting from the hospital.

Alcohol poisoning sucks.

La Mitotera said...

Substitute internet porn for shopping online, and the bar for watching TV and/or talking on the phone, and our timelines are almost identical. Damn I hate finals.

layciegrace said...

I am quite amused with the frequent insertion of porn during the two weeks before the exams. That's a frowned upon but effective way to relax the mind before the grueling task of studying cases. To each his own. - Marl of Studygeek.org