There's Conversation Outside Law School?

So, as some of you might have already guessed, I spent Spring Break lying on a beach in Mexico. This last week off -- from everything: work, school, and thinking about work or school -- allowed my husband and I to spend more time together then I think we've spent in the last three years combined.

Law school obviously puts a lot of stress on relationships. Most of the time that we do actually spend together is often spent arguing over one thing or another (lack of time, finances, my terrible law school jokes). My virtual lack of a life outside law school pretty much means that I have nothing else to talk about. Which, as you all well know, outside of other law students (even with other law students) leads to DULL conversation.

Anyway, so we decided no work or law school talk while on vacation. For the most part, we followed that and our need to talk about other things lead to some very interesting conversation. (Well, maybe that and the fact that we never really stopped drinking from the moment we stepped off the plane.) A few key things I learned:

One, ladies, did you know that blue balls is not really a serious condition? Apparently, men just use that excuse to get some. (Yeah, it took almost 5 years of marriage the truth to finally be revealed).

Two, a guy could proposition 100 girls to have sex before he'd get laid, whereas a girl could walk up to a guy, grab him in the balls and say, "Wanna fuck?" and 7 out of 10 times, she'd get laid. (I wanted to test this theory while on vacation, but my husband quickly put a kibosh on that. Also, I think a girl could offer to blow a guy and 10 out of 10 times she's get a yes.)

Three, best cure for a hangover is: hair of the dog. And finger-sized burritos. (Well, yeah, I guess I actually did know this, but I never thought it was socially acceptable to be drinking by 8 am every morning. I guess what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico, right? Things that happen in foreign countries don't have to be disclosed to the law board of examiners, do they?)

So, to the three of you out there that read this blog -- are points one and two accurate? Or did I mistake them in my drunken state?

Be Careful What You Wish For

As you may know, this past week the Law Bitches were on Spring Break.

At our school, we get both a Fall and Sprink break, but this past Spring Break was a new experience for me. Last semester I took the final legal writing class I need to graduate, so for all of my previous midsemester breaks I had a fucking brief for my writing class hanging over my head. Mind you, I never really worked on the briefs much over school, but I never took the break as a break. Rather, I would spend the entire break procrastinating rather than relaxing and generally wishing I didn't have a brief hanging over my head.

This past break, I had no brief hanging over my head. I also didn't have any other school projects that could be worked on, so I really had nothing relating to law school to do this break. It was fucking glorious. I spent a little bit of my break at work, but mostly I just sat around doing nothing and loving it.

The problem is that school starts back up tomorrow, and it seems that rather than getting rejuvinated over break, I just increased my antipathy towards school. I have no idea how I am going to motivate myself to show up to class tomorrow, let alone finish the semester.

Fucking law school.

To My Fellow Law Bitches

How was your spring break? (Love you, Larceny!)

I'd Like to Buy a Vowel

Homeless people waiting at stoplights with signs are pretty common where we go to school. Today I saw a woman holding this sign:

Of all the letters to drop, "i" probably wasn't the best one.

Fly our friendly skies.....

So, somehow I came across this newspaper article, it's been all over the press:

Dead body in First Class Cabin

So if you read the comments from people about the article, you'll see that many people think that Mr.Trinder was being a pompous ass and just didn't want to be around poor people. I say, give Mr. Trinder a break, he was actually pretty sane throughout the whole ordeal, you just be happy that you weren't dealing with me, because I wouldn't have had such a humorous attitude about it "sack of potatoes," hah. Because dead bodies are gross. Like, really freaking gross. If I had paid a shit ton of money for a first class ticket, and they started dragging a dead body in there, I would have thrown a tantrum, I kid you not. I mean, all is well and fine when it's an embalmed body in a casket that you don't have to go near (and I never do mind you, because again, dead bodies are gross) but when it's being propped up next to you for 5 hours, that's nasty. It may be that I'm overly sensitive, and that it's all my fault for reading one too many Catherine Coulter novels that describe what happens when a body dies. Also, at work once I was researching something TOTALLY DIFFERENT (I swear) and this case came up in my search:

Clark v. Smith, 494 S.W.2d 192

Take a look at it in Westlaw, but not while you're eating and you'll see what I mean. So yeah, I would have freaked the fuck out. I'm pretty sure when you buy a first class ticket, you don't intend to sit next to a dead body. And I also read that some American airlines have what is called a "body compartment" - you know like when you put your bags above your seat? Same thing, only it's larger and near the back, for a dead body. I now think being a stewardess is not such a great career move. Also, imagine being the family, sitting around your loved one's body for hours? Let's just hope this doesn't happen to me anytime soon, or I can bet you all that I will be on the news for requiring a plane to land because I wouldn't calm down.

My Spring Break sucks

So, the LawBitches are on Spring Break this week (hence the even less amount of blogging), but if it makes anyone feel better, my Spring Break sucks ass.

First, I go to visit my family. I brought my cat thinking "oh, he'll get to hang out with my parent's cats and make friends!" (And imagine that in an all excited, squeaky tone). He did make friends. Unfortunately, that means that while myself and AssHusband are attempting to sleep, three cats are chasing each other around the upstairs, meowing and hissing and fighting and romping around. Oh, and shitting. Because my mother thought it would be a good idea to bring the cat box upstairs since they were all upstairs sleeping together (which at the time was cute, but quickly turned ugly) and could have it closer. At 4am, when you are trying to get to sleep (after your 19 year old sister made you stay up half the night watching "Degrassi: The New Generation" - don't ask) it is awful hearing a cat scratching for like a fucking half hour at the kitty litter and smelling up the entire upstairs. Also, my parents have an ungodly amount of plants. So that meant that all three cats were eating this one plant (that kinda looks like grass) and then puking it up. If anyone out there has ever heard a cat puke in the night, you know the feeling of dread, knowing you should get up and clean it up, and then deciding to let it go and clean it up the next day. Also, the cats thought it would be a fun game to have one cat on our bed, and one cat under the bed or directly below it and swatting and meowing at one another in their respective positions. Of course, while the third decided to jump in our overnight bag and take a nap (and she has really long, white fur). Good times. So three cats = no sleep.

Then, I come home. And I think, "okay so I gotta go back to work, but it won't be so bad, at least I don't have to go to school!" Hah. I forgot that AssHusband decided we needed life insurance to cover our house in case anything ever happens, and we had our medical exam the day after we got back. Which includes a blood draw. When I saw the nurse chick bring out the needle I was like, "WHAT?! I need to have blood drawn, with a NEEDLE?!?!" And I think I almost drop kicked her and ran away. One thing you should know about me is that I am dreadfully afraid of needles. When I was a kid I apparently had to have a big one, so it totally traumatized me. And then she looks at my arm and says, "oh you have tough veins, it's going to take me longer than I thought" and it was so freaking painful. I almost passed out. I'm pretty sure that if I had known about the needle, I would have said fuck it.

So to those LawBitches (ahem-Calculating) who are on some wonderful beach somewhere sipping on a fruity drink while a muscled pool boy brings them towels: Fuck you.

On a positive note, I haven't done any work for school this week, because I don't have too. I do love being a 2L sometimes.

Awesome update: I may have asthma!

How Little I Know the Rules of PR

tinkles so if you are an animal lawyer

tinkles: and you are defending a horse

tinkles: would it be a conflict of interest to ride it during the weekends?

calculating: well, thats kind of like having sex with a client. I think its okay as long as you rode it before it became a client.

calculating: But if you only started after the client relationship began, then it would be a conflict of interest.

tinkles: well lets say you rode its mother

tinkles: while it was inside

tinkles: so you kinda rode her

calculating: Well, technically still wouldn't have been a client yet…although that may become a gray area. Who is paying for the representation?

Today Would Have Been a Good Day to Skip Class

Ever have one of those classes where you leave the room feeling like your head just exploded?
Room 321: that’s the room where the remnants of my brain are left splattered on the wall.
My Estate Planning Prof filled up three huge whiteboards with a diagram that looked like something out of Good Will Hunting. He lost us all after about five minutes, yet his explanation continued on for over fifty. Credit trusts, marital shares, disclaimers, equalization clauses, pecuniary, definitional gifts and twelve IRC sections later, he says, “That was way too easy. Now let’s complicate things…”
I looked around me at the stunned students and started laughing. He wasn’t joking. Yet, I kept laughing. Loudly. He didn't seem phased.
Frantic IMing and emailing ensued:
This is infuckingcredible.”
Are we secretly on Boiling Points right now? 'cause if they want to come out and say, congratulations you didn't throw a temper fit, here is $100 I would be okay with that.”
“I don't know what is going on. I’m scared.”
Calculating: “I think I just lost it. My marbles that is.”
Broad-Shouldered Law Student (BSLS): “You and everyone else. I hope we won't be asked to do this on the test.”
Calculating: “There is no test. Thank God.”
BSLS: “But we do have to do something. Hopefully it's something like opening a savings account.”
Shoegirl: “I'm sooo glad I took cold pills before this.”
Calculating: “
Nice and numb, huh?”
Shoegirl: “
oh yeah, everything's just pretty”
Calculating: “I had a terrible headache before class started but now I think my head will explode.”
LittleMiss: “Well lucky you, because then you won't be able to hear him anymore.”

But it wasn’t over yet. Class ended 30 minutes later with the prof finishing up by saying, “See how important and exciting this spot on the drafting tour is?”

I left the class, still laughing. I think he broke my brain.

Scooter Libby: Someone's bitch

Okay, so unless you were buried in a cave somewhere with Osama bin Laden, and I'm pretty sure he even knows about it, Scooter Libby was found guilty. This man:

Two things: First, his name is freakin' Scooter. Second, look at that face. This man is so going to be someone's bitch in prison. Just the name alone calls for repeated beatings, but that face? Well, he's just screwed. Ahem.

And while I'm just a 2L, I believe I remember something about cruel and unusual punishment, so I'm thinking his lawyer should consider this in the impending appeal, I mean, he is going to be in some pain, you know, cause he's a tightass. Man, I'm on fire today. But seriously, look at him. Then again, maybe cruel and unusual punishment is having to hear him whine all day about how his "sheets are too rough," and "where is my chianti I asked for?" and blah blah blah. I think that's how rich people get to be in prison. I hear Martha Stewart got to make cupcakes, so he has hope.

Why Being a Law Student is Better Than Working a Real Job

6:30 am: Alarm goes off.

7:00 am: Finally reach semi-conscious state, grab laptop and check school closings online. Law school still open.

7:05 am: Really want to go back to bed. Call the Law School snow hotline. School still open.

7:15 am: Begrudgingly get out of bed. Have to work at school at 8 am.

7:20 am: Get in car and drive-thru local coffee shop.

8:10 am: Arrive at school after a lovely commute.

From 8:10 to 10:30: Watch snow flakes swirl down in almost white-out conditions outside the law school.

10:39 am: Email from Dean. Law School is closing at 3:15.

11:30 am: Finish work. Decide that it doesn't matter that 1:30 class hasn't been cancelled yet, I'm not waiting around for it. God forbid I get stuck in the law school.

12:55 pm: Get home. Saw only 4 cars in the ditch during the drive home. Shovel way to front door. Cleaning the driveway is going to be a bitch.

1:00 pm: Check email. 1:30 class still not cancelled, but Prof says attendance will not be taken.

1:20 pm: Sit down to work on Letter of Intent due on Saturday for the "class from hell." Turn on TV. Flip through daytime TV melodramas and land on bad cable TV movie.

1:30 pm: IM Lance, who went to class. Ask how many people are there. 22 out of 78. Suckers.

1:32 pm: Tell Lance about how productive I'm being at home. "A high-school wresting champ (Fred Savage) puts the moves on fellow student (Candace Cameron), then becomes possessive — and abusive. Cameo by Sally Jessy Raphael." His response: "Watching Lifetime, huh?"

1:35 pm: Switch over to HBO. Movie with Heath Ledger and Orlando Bloom just starting. I think I'll just mute the TV (eye candy!) and work on my Letter of Intent.

1:40 pm: Notice that my path from the garage to the door is already covered in snow. Watch the neighbor kids outside. Wish I was 12 again. Wonder how much I can bribe them to clean my driveway.

1:45 pm: Back to work on that damn letter.

1:50 pm: Wonder how much snow plow drivers make. Wonder if it is a better job then being a lawyer.

2:00 pm: IM Lance again. Ask him how Fantasy Gunner in class is going. He says its a good day since mostly gunners are there and no Socratic method. Think for 20 seconds, "I should have gone to class" as I stare at a half-naked Heath Ledger. Nah.

2:00 pm - 2:30 pm: Chat with Lance. He's pretty bored in class.

2:30 pm: Back to work on that letter. Finish salutation.

2:35 pm: Watch school bus get stuck on my unplowed street. Think for 20 seconds, "I should go help dig him out" as I go back to staring at Heath Ledger.

2:45 pm: Look at neighbor kids playing again. Seriously wonder how much it will cost me to make them spend the next two hours cleaning the driveway.

2:55 pm: Decide that I'm wasting my half-assed snow day. Technically, I don't even have to leave the house again until Monday. The snow could melt by then...

Screw it, I'm getting drunk.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Larceny Bitch: Good lord, it looks like a frozen hell out there
John Roberts: omg
John Roberts: thank goodness i got to school when i did
John Roberts: i wouldnt want to walk in that
Larceny Bitch: No kidding!
John Roberts: also
John Roberts: i am super thankful that the snow started just in time to strand me at school rather than keep me home
Larceny Bitch: lol, why
John Roberts: i was being sarcastic :)
Larceny Bitch: oh
Larceny Bitch: Man, if I saw this out there right now and I was at home, I sure as hell would not be going to Jurisprudence
John Roberts: maybe you shouldnt got anyway
Larceny Bitch: I was all pissed this morning they didn't cancel school, because I knew it was going to get worse, and by then I'd have to make it home
John Roberts: you should skip anyway
John Roberts: otherwise you will be stranded
Larceny Bitch: I still have to go to work and get this court shit filed, unfortunately
John Roberts: oh that sucks
Larceny Bitch: I was hoping that school would be cancelled so I could go into work early and finish that up and then stay home
John Roberts: yeah
Larceny Bitch: I'm still praying afternoon classes are cancelled
John Roberts: i was hoping that school would be canceled so i could stay home in my PJs and veg out
Larceny Bitch: lol
Larceny Bitch: There is that too
John Roberts: oh that would be great. i hate crappy class
Larceny Bitch: I think they should cancel afternoon classes so I can go over to Local Wine Bar
Larceny Bitch: that sounds like a much better afternoon
John Roberts: how will you get home in this frozen death if have a glass of wine?
Larceny Bitch: Well, I wasn't going to go right after I drank it
Larceny Bitch: Also, I was trying to talk Lance Ito into doing it tomorrow, but now Im thinking I don't want to come at all tomorrow
Larceny Bitch: Professor already gave us an out for class
John Roberts: nice
John Roberts: i would stay home and watch dr phil
Larceny Bitch: Exactly
John Roberts: the snow got less crazy
Larceny Bitch: Oh, damn
John Roberts: class needs to get canceled, don't you know that mother nature?
Larceny Bitch: Yeah, she's really not helping with that
John Roberts: i know. what a bitch
Larceny Bitch: Well, I'll start praying it snows harder again
John Roberts: dear jesus, if you make it snow real hard, i wont masturbate for 4 whole hours and i will sacrifice a goat in your honor
John Roberts: the snow is going better now

We just got word that classes are canceled this afternoon. I guess I better find a goat.