Only 7 Shopping Days Until Christmas

In a panic because you're a law student that won't have a chance to start your Christmas shopping until after finals (when there is only a mere 3 days left)? On a tight budget, because you didn't take out the extra loan money to cover holiday gifts? Here's a suggestion from the LawBitches (other than macaroni necklaces, of course) that will solve all of your inexpensive last minute gifts:

Because We Care

Pretty much every law student is either currently taking finals or has just finished them up. We know how shitty and draining finals can be, and since the staff here at There's No Competition is such a caring bunch, we thought we'd post some cute and cuddly pictures to cheer you all up.

The Lengths We'd Go To

During our study group meeting last night we were discussing just exactly what we would do to not have to take this business orgs exam this morning. The winner:

"I'd teabag Dick Cheney to not have to take my BA exam."

Yep, that's just about how much we do not want to do this!

To those considering going to law school


Law school is pretty much going to ruin your life, you are after all, working towards becoming an attorney. It's also going to cost you a big chunk of change in the process.

My suggestion would be that if you want to ruin your life and spend a lot of money doing it, pick up a hard drug habit. At least then you'll enjoy the trip to the bottom. I hear coke's a blast.

The Good News Is...

Our business organizations final is on Monday.

The best thing I heard all day week:
"Do you know of any statutes that govern general partnerships?"

Um... we only spent about a third of the semester reviewing the Uniform Partnership Act and the Revised Uniform Partnership Act.

So, yeah, at least I'm not going to be at the bottom of the curve...

Visual Metaphor for Finals

The video posting is usually left up to Roberts and Scalito, but this just seems to summarize how I feel during this time of the school year:

Struggle to get going, work hard to get it done, and then when you're finally taking the exam and think your hard work was worth it...

Timeline: Studying for Law School Finals The LawBitch Way

14 Days Before First Exam: Take a look at finals schedule. Realize you have two weeks before your first final. Spending time surfing the internet, looking at porn.

10 Days Before First Exam: Take a break from looking at online porn to open a word document and think about starting outlines. Stare at blinking cursor for two minutes. Go back to looking at porn online.

7 Days Before First Exam: Shut down your computer, it needs a break and so do you. Go to the bar. Stop at the liquor store on the way there and pickup a .175 of Captain.

5 Days Before First Exam: Get back from the bar. Sober up long enough to look at your notes. Realize they are absolute crap.

4 Days Before First Exam: Run to bookstore. Get lucky enough to snag the last copy of CrunchTime or Emmanuel’s off the shelves.

3 Days Before First Exam: Go back to the bar. Consume so much alcohol in three hours that you start a fight with someone twice your size, and mistakenly spill a drink down the front of the hostess’s shirt. Since you are no longer welcome at the bar, return home and open a new word document.

2 Days Before First Exam: Complain to all of your friends about how law school is bullshit and you haven’t had time to start your outlines yet because you’ve been so busy. Start re-typing CrunchTime/Emmanuel’s into a word document. Save as “outline.”

1 Day Before First Exam: Find Jesus.

Day of First Exam: Finish final 40 minutes early. Go into the bathroom and cut yourself.

Day after First Exam and before Second Exam: Start re-typing your commercial supplement for the next class into a new word document. Surf internet porn for an hour. Finish making your “outline,” doing a shot each time you type the word “reasonable.”

Day of Second Exam: Finish final 70 minutes early. Go home and cry self to sleep.

Day after Second Exam, oh wait, it’s the Day of Third Exam: get to school one hour before the exam. Photocopy the main pages of your commercial supplement. Staple together and write “outline” on the top (preferably in crayon, if available). Finish final in half the allotted time. Head to the bar. Stay there. Permanently. Who cares if you have any more finals?

Tip for the 1Ls

If you are drunk and absolutely have to show up to a randomly assigned study group for a class you don't read or take notes for, make sure it is for a subject area you routinely see at work so you can bullshit your way through. At least you will look better than the people who just sit there and nod.