Jurisprudence Prof: "Ms. Calculating, tell me, who was Plato?"
Calculating, pausing the game on her computer screen: "A philosopher."
Sandra (in a voice loud enough that the professor overheard her): "That's a way to 3L it!"
Showing posts with label 3L Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 3L Year. Show all posts
Sandra Gay Got Me Drunk
Good Idea: Going to the bar after Sandra's last final to celebrate.
Great Idea: Getting drunk in the middle of the day and not going back to work until four and half hours later.
Better Idea: Stealing an awesome pint glass from the bar after being encouraged by two fellow LawBitches and my dear husband.
Bad Idea: Stopping to go to the bathroom in one of the other graduate programs' buildings on the way back to the law school.
Worse Idea: Being so wasted that the stolen pint glass fell out my jacket pocket and shattered into a million pieces on the floor right outside the bathroom.
Worst Idea: Being caught on videotape breaking the glass outside the bathroom, wasted, and then running frantically to the law school.
Thank God we've got less then five months left.
Great Idea: Getting drunk in the middle of the day and not going back to work until four and half hours later.
Better Idea: Stealing an awesome pint glass from the bar after being encouraged by two fellow LawBitches and my dear husband.
Bad Idea: Stopping to go to the bathroom in one of the other graduate programs' buildings on the way back to the law school.
Worse Idea: Being so wasted that the stolen pint glass fell out my jacket pocket and shattered into a million pieces on the floor right outside the bathroom.
Worst Idea: Being caught on videotape breaking the glass outside the bathroom, wasted, and then running frantically to the law school.
Thank God we've got less then five months left.
3L Advice: Motivating Quotes
"Motivating Law School Quotes"
Brick walls are there to show you just how much you want something.
Brick walls are there to show you just how much you want something.
3L Advice: Speaking in Class
"Speaking in Law School Class"
Do it.
Because you will have to anyway at some point, and you might as well humiliate yourself now.
Everyone looks like a moron at some point in law school. Better to get it over with right away.
Do it.
Because you will have to anyway at some point, and you might as well humiliate yourself now.
Everyone looks like a moron at some point in law school. Better to get it over with right away.
3L Advice: Middle of Class
"What to do if your in middle of your law school class"
Give up on getting a six figure salary immediately after graduation unless you go to Harvard, Yale, or another top 10 school (and if you go to that school does it even matter where you graduate).
Another option is to start a blog and bitch constantly about law school.
A final option might to be take out the entire law review (preferably during a law review meeting so there is very little collateral damage). If you take out the entire law review that might move you up 10 to 20 percent in your class rank (depending on how many and how they let people join your law review). Good luck with the murdering!
Give up on getting a six figure salary immediately after graduation unless you go to Harvard, Yale, or another top 10 school (and if you go to that school does it even matter where you graduate).
Another option is to start a blog and bitch constantly about law school.
A final option might to be take out the entire law review (preferably during a law review meeting so there is very little collateral damage). If you take out the entire law review that might move you up 10 to 20 percent in your class rank (depending on how many and how they let people join your law review). Good luck with the murdering!
Another Difference Between 2Ls and 3Ls
Today I printed off a rather long document. As I walked up to the printer to claim my print there was a 2L standing there starting to freak out. She grabbed my document off of the printer and said, "Omigod. This is already 20 pages. What is this like a freaking novel?"
"Yes, actually, it is," I said, grabbing the first 30 pages off of the printer. (Rather then pay for a law-related novel I have to read for a class, I downloaded the e-book and printed it off. I can assure you, much cheaper [read: free] this way.)
The 2L then proceeded to wig out.
"You can't print this many pages out! I have a paper that is due for class in three minutes!" She wailed.
"Well, I printed first and I am not canceling my print now." Then, just to egg her on, I added, "Why are you waiting until three minutes before class starts to print your paper anyway?"
She just kind of looked at me blankly, and then whined, "I don't have the time to wait for this." At that point my novel had only printed 40 out of the 90 pages so I took pity on her. I showed her how to map to another printer nearby and reprint her paper. She ran off, retrieved it ,and then went flying out of the library to class.
As this is all happening, a 3L walks up to the printer and stands by it, waiting. I walked over and said, "You waiting for a paper? Sorry, but it is still going to be a few minutes with my printing."
"Oh, I don't care if I'm late to class." The 3L then proceeded to wait for the next four minutes while the novel finished printing. Then she calmly grabbed her pages, stapled them, and meandered off to the same class the 2L had already dashed off to.
Ahhhh, it's great to be a 3L and not care. It's even more fun to be a 3L and antagonize the 2Ls that still do care.
"Yes, actually, it is," I said, grabbing the first 30 pages off of the printer. (Rather then pay for a law-related novel I have to read for a class, I downloaded the e-book and printed it off. I can assure you, much cheaper [read: free] this way.)
The 2L then proceeded to wig out.
"You can't print this many pages out! I have a paper that is due for class in three minutes!" She wailed.
"Well, I printed first and I am not canceling my print now." Then, just to egg her on, I added, "Why are you waiting until three minutes before class starts to print your paper anyway?"
She just kind of looked at me blankly, and then whined, "I don't have the time to wait for this." At that point my novel had only printed 40 out of the 90 pages so I took pity on her. I showed her how to map to another printer nearby and reprint her paper. She ran off, retrieved it ,and then went flying out of the library to class.
As this is all happening, a 3L walks up to the printer and stands by it, waiting. I walked over and said, "You waiting for a paper? Sorry, but it is still going to be a few minutes with my printing."
"Oh, I don't care if I'm late to class." The 3L then proceeded to wait for the next four minutes while the novel finished printing. Then she calmly grabbed her pages, stapled them, and meandered off to the same class the 2L had already dashed off to.
Ahhhh, it's great to be a 3L and not care. It's even more fun to be a 3L and antagonize the 2Ls that still do care.
To the 1L that cut me off.....
You need to calm the fuck down. Look, I realize that you, at the last minute, realized that you were about to miss the parking ramp at school and apparently, turning right in front of me was a really good idea to you. Let me illustrate your maneuver (with special thanks to John Roberts for the artwork, this would have taken me YEARS, also this kept us busy in Corporations):
Key
Purple block thing: School ramp
Cute little red girl car: Me
Black SUV: Little shithead
Maybe you just couldn’t see me in my little cute car because you were driving the world’s largest fucking SUV (sidenote: do you really need that thing to go to fucking school?), but turning in front of me from the outside lane, was not cool. My little car has enough problems without you taking its entire front end off. My favorite part was when I honked at you angrily and you just act as if you have no idea that you did anything wrong and keep going. And then proceed to drive very slowly through the parking ramp. Look, it’s 1:10pm, there are no spots on the first floor. Just keep the fuck going, because you’re wasting my time and I already want to beat the crap out of you so don’t make it worse. I was willing to give you some slack since you’re a 1L, and maybe you haven’t figured this out after one week of classes, but to thereafter screech into a handicapped spot on the 3rd floor because you’re in such a hurry and just can't keep going, is unacceptable.
How do I know you’re a 1L you ask? Oh, well that would be for several reasons. First, your driving illustrates that you have no fucking clue how to drive downtown and are probably from Debumfuck, Hickstate and are still confused about traffic lights. (The Jesus Fish and American Flag also helped in this assessment). Second, as soon as you screeched into the handicapped spot, you jumped out (I know this because several spots down was an open spot that I parked in and kept an eye on you to give you the dirty eyeball), you then slammed your door and RAN to class. How does this make you a 1L? Well, it’s about 1:15, and classes start at 1:30. And you are running full speed to a class on the first floor. Third, and finally, when I gave you a dirty look, you didn’t know enough to look scared. If you hadn’t been running away I would have roundhouse kicked you into the wall for almost hitting me, and I can do it. I generally like my car and don’t take a liking to people trying to smash it just so they can get to class early.
Look, I realize that you 1Ls this year are crazy, and are basically foaming at the mouth over Contracts or whatever, but this is just stupid. You don’t get extra points for getting there early. Parking ramps are fairly easy to maneuver, if you can’t figure that out, you are so royally screwed already. Also, if you hit my car, I will totally kick your ass. Also, I will find out who you are and have John Roberts sign you up for various porn sites. And have Calculating Bitch blacklist you (I have no idea what kind of blacklist, but I'm pretty sure she could do something of that nature). And then I will have Swinging Kennedy publicly mock you. What else do us 3Ls have to do?
Overheard in Evidence
"Fucking 2Ls. Maybe we should offer complimentary wetwipes at the end of class so they can remove the brown from their noses."
Tips for the 2Ls
Case briefs
Stop writing them. Yes, these were a nice security blanket last year, but you shouldn't be doing them your 2L year. Besides making you look like the 5 year old who still breast feeds, they are going to sink you. At this point in your "legal career" you need to be able to pull the important stuff out of a case without doing a book report. The volume of reading your second year is much higher than last year and you simply are not going to be able to keep up if you don't learn to skim and highlight. Plus, if you don't kick this habit, you're going to look like a fucking tool at your job this summer.
Panel
I can't believe you people didn't learn this lesson last year. Too many paint chips as a lil' tyke? When a professor appoints a panel of students to be on call for the day, that means not only do you not have to volunteer, but you shouldn't even be reading! As I said before, the only way to keep up with all your reading is to (a) be crazy, (b) abuse stimulants, or (c) a combination of (a) and (b). At most you should skim Emanuel's, but really you should just take some notes in class and then do what you should do for every black letter class: cram at the end. This shit really isn't so complicated that you have to kill yourself for three months to learn it, otherwise no one would pass the fucking bar exam.
Besides, you're 2Ls: you need that lecture time to work on something more important like running your student organizations (you think us lazy 3Ls are going to do it?) and look for jobs (if you don't have your entire career planned by now, you've failed at being a human being; we suggest drinking bleach)
Answers
Speaking of answering questions, when you mention that you were employed last summer in your class answers, you look like a douche bag. When you name drop your employer in your answers, you are a douche bag. Knock this shit off. You aren't special because you brought some partner coffee in the morning and then cupped his balls while the first year associates felated him.
Philosophy
No one cares about your deeply held feelings on agency law, stops and frisks, or any other topic. Unless you attend a Top 10 school, you're never going to be a law professor, so shut up. I know that warm, musky space between professors' ass cheeks is your natural habitat, but the class is blind graded; you're not doing yourself any favors by kissing up, you're just pissing off your classmates (see above: Answers)
Stop writing them. Yes, these were a nice security blanket last year, but you shouldn't be doing them your 2L year. Besides making you look like the 5 year old who still breast feeds, they are going to sink you. At this point in your "legal career" you need to be able to pull the important stuff out of a case without doing a book report. The volume of reading your second year is much higher than last year and you simply are not going to be able to keep up if you don't learn to skim and highlight. Plus, if you don't kick this habit, you're going to look like a fucking tool at your job this summer.
Panel
I can't believe you people didn't learn this lesson last year. Too many paint chips as a lil' tyke? When a professor appoints a panel of students to be on call for the day, that means not only do you not have to volunteer, but you shouldn't even be reading! As I said before, the only way to keep up with all your reading is to (a) be crazy, (b) abuse stimulants, or (c) a combination of (a) and (b). At most you should skim Emanuel's, but really you should just take some notes in class and then do what you should do for every black letter class: cram at the end. This shit really isn't so complicated that you have to kill yourself for three months to learn it, otherwise no one would pass the fucking bar exam.
Besides, you're 2Ls: you need that lecture time to work on something more important like running your student organizations (you think us lazy 3Ls are going to do it?) and look for jobs (if you don't have your entire career planned by now, you've failed at being a human being; we suggest drinking bleach)
Answers
Speaking of answering questions, when you mention that you were employed last summer in your class answers, you look like a douche bag. When you name drop your employer in your answers, you are a douche bag. Knock this shit off. You aren't special because you brought some partner coffee in the morning and then cupped his balls while the first year associates felated him.
Philosophy
No one cares about your deeply held feelings on agency law, stops and frisks, or any other topic. Unless you attend a Top 10 school, you're never going to be a law professor, so shut up. I know that warm, musky space between professors' ass cheeks is your natural habitat, but the class is blind graded; you're not doing yourself any favors by kissing up, you're just pissing off your classmates (see above: Answers)
One More Reason to Sell Your Soul
So here's another thing they never tell you in law school: Sell out early.
Now in our Third Years, many of us are starting to hear about other 3Ls who have already been offered jobs upon graduation at the various places they clerked over the summer. In fact, several of your Bitches have been offered jobs, and we heartily congratulate them, even though the rest of us hate them a little for it.
For those of us who are going more towards public interest jobs, government jobs, the "I want to assuage my guilt for being white" "do good for the world cause I have a small penis" jobs, turns out we get kinda screwed.
In addition to taking a rather significant pay cut, which we all knew going in, as it turns out we will also be the last to find jobs: the places we clerked, if hiring at all, won't be making decisions until late April. Until then, we get to apply to other jobs that won't make a decision until then either. With each job application, I realize how much I am standing at the bar at the end of the night just hoping to be drunk enough to not notice that the guy I am going home with looks like a bloodied Shihtzu. Fun times, to be sure.
Is it time to bend over, take it up the ass and just find a corporate job I'll hate like a two-dollar hooker knowing that this is better than going without crack?
Not quite yet, but I am starting to lube up.
Now in our Third Years, many of us are starting to hear about other 3Ls who have already been offered jobs upon graduation at the various places they clerked over the summer. In fact, several of your Bitches have been offered jobs, and we heartily congratulate them, even though the rest of us hate them a little for it.
For those of us who are going more towards public interest jobs, government jobs, the "I want to assuage my guilt for being white" "do good for the world cause I have a small penis" jobs, turns out we get kinda screwed.
In addition to taking a rather significant pay cut, which we all knew going in, as it turns out we will also be the last to find jobs: the places we clerked, if hiring at all, won't be making decisions until late April. Until then, we get to apply to other jobs that won't make a decision until then either. With each job application, I realize how much I am standing at the bar at the end of the night just hoping to be drunk enough to not notice that the guy I am going home with looks like a bloodied Shihtzu. Fun times, to be sure.
Is it time to bend over, take it up the ass and just find a corporate job I'll hate like a two-dollar hooker knowing that this is better than going without crack?
Not quite yet, but I am starting to lube up.
A New Record
It's only just past lunch time on the first day of the semester, and I already wish I was dead.
Goals for Our 3L Year
Following with the good practice of goal setting (and since we will surely have to do it as we crossover into the full-time working world) and with the tradition of last year it is time to make note of the LawBitches' ambitions for our third and final year of law school:
Here's to 257 days before graduation! (And yes, I do have it as a countdown clock on my Google Desktop tool).
- We are 3Ls. Creating a list of goals here would be counter to our one and only mission this year: to do as little as possible and still graduate.
Here's to 257 days before graduation! (And yes, I do have it as a countdown clock on my Google Desktop tool).
Now and Then (Also a great Christina Ricci movie)
The LawBitches start back to school on Monday. Can you sense my excitement? Unfortunately, as our last year, it’s the last time we can have a flexible schedule and get to use work as an excuse to get out of school functions and school stuff to get out of work. It’s the last time I can legitimately take countless days off with no questions asked for no reason at all. I went to our school today to run some before school errands, and as I watched all the 1Ls going through their orientation, I realized the difference 2 years make, and how different my preparation (or lack thereof) for this year is from my 1L Year. To illustrate, here is a rundown of what I was doing at this time two years ago, and what I am doing now.
1L Year: Had already done all of the required readings for the first day of class
Now:
1L Year: Had purchased (like 3 weeks prior) all the required books (and even some recommended) BRAND
Now: Oh right, books. Crap. First, attempted to see which of the LawBitches already had a book or two (Calculating was good enough to give up her Corporations book, and she only cried a little), then proceed to go online and find cheap used books, and get the cheapest available, regardless of highlighting/torn covers/blah blah who cares just get the damned book. Still can’t find two books, am considering just not reading them.
1L Year: Had the book list and assignments already printed out from my schedule
Now: My book list is on a post it. Somewhere. I actually couldn’t find it when I intended to go to the bookstore today, so I said screw it and assumed I’d figure it out. And when I say book list, I mean some random scratches on paper that would somehow direct me to the right books.
1L Year: Excited and anxious.
Now: Eh.
1L Year: Bought new pencils, pens, highlighters, folders, a portfolio and a date book.
Now: Well, I was at Target yesterday so I got colorful pens. I’m going to use them to write nasty notes to Lance Ito during Criminal Procedure and Swinging Kennedy and John Roberts during Corporations (well, when we’re not at the bar during that class).
1L Year: Set up my (new) laptop with various folders and programs for use at school (
Now: I have an impressive collection of blog and game links. Oh, and celebrity gossip pages. What?
Good luck 1Ls! (And download