Highs and Lows of 2L Year

In commemoration of finishing yet ANOTHER year of law school it was time to bring you, four dear readers (yep, we’ve moved from 3 to 4 readers), the highs and lows of the 2L year. Without further ado:


High: I have sat here for 20 minutes staring at this fucking cursor. I can't think of one substantial high from this year except for the fact that in three days it will be over. Yep, I got nothing. Which pretty much means that for all you 1L's out there who think it's soooooo awful being a 1L? You're screwed.

Low: Um...realizing that I totally fucked myself by working 2 jobs AND taking a full load. Oh, and it turns out? No drinking on the job.


High: Realizing that once I stopped stressing by preparing for class law school was actually a lot of fun. Oooh, and having six weeks off between finals and starting my summer job.

Low: Getting permanently 86ed from the local liquor store. Oh, wait, that hasn’t happened — yet. Real low was probably not getting the ed board position on journal that I thought I so desperately wanted at the time. (The reality is that after seeing how much work the person who did get the job is already doing, I think my classmates did me a favor).

John Roberts

High: N/A

Low: Everything


High: To be determined (probably actually getting a paying job for the summer in exactly what I want to do or being done with my 2nd year)

Low: Trying to get a job via OCI is one of the most demoralizing experiences. No matter what the Career Person tells everyone: "Lots of people get jobs through OCI!!!" That is absolutely not true. Unless you are on Law Review or in the top 10% (preferably both), don't bother trying. (For example, I had 8 interviews and 3 callbacks...but no job).


High: First day of class, professor brings out colored markers and tells us we're going to have arts and crafts today. And people say law school is hard.

Low: Writing the Appellate brief fall semester, I really hated that damned thing.

Reasonable Peep

Highs: Getting a job for the summer; Proving to myself that I can be a lawyer; Acing the exam that made me cry; Regaining my self esteem

Lows: Not seeing my friends as much because our schedules do not jive; Participating in OCI only to NOT get a job; Actually crying after an exam


High: Getting to take a few classes with each of my fellow bitches and passing the MPRE.

Low: Finding out that someone who comes an hour late to a final still gets to take the final and without penalty.

To My Fellow Poor Fucker

Today the last final was proctored and the law school is a ghost town as most law students are out making like Paris Hilton, getting hammered only to go home and make their very own sex tape. Not you and I though. Our love of the law knows no bounds. Here we sit at the library, pouring every ounce of ourselves into our love letters to this semester of law school. For your perseverance and desire for self-inflicted pain, I raise my cup of coffee, seasoned with the special flavor of tears that are wept from a bitter and lonely heart.

Who the fuck am I kidding. The only love here tonight is my research paper sport fucking me through my belly button.

Headline News #2

In the school's daily announcements this morning, this headline caught my eye:

"Public Safety offers 50 percent off unpaid parking citations this week only"

"Sweet!" I thought, "A sale." Being a law student on a budget and a cheapass all around I'm always looking for deals, so I actually took the time to read the full news clip:

"To say "thank you for a great semester" and to provide students and employees with an opportunity to clear their records before the end of year, Public Safety offers 50 percent off the price of any unpaid parking citation(s), with no late fee charges and no questions asked, from today, Wednesday, May 9, through Friday, May 11, at the Public Safety office. Remember that outstanding parking fines can be billed to student accounts at any time, and vehicles with three or more outstanding citations may be immobilized at any time with full citation fines, late fees and administration fees assessed at the driver's expense, so take advantage of this great opportunity now, as this discount has never been offered before and may never be offered again!"

So, I'm guessing that there are still a lot of unpaid parking tickets out there and this is their hope that students will actually pay them. Its a shame that the last time I had an unpaid parking ticket was in undergrad six years ago and then the going rate was $35. I wonder what they go for now?

Two things

1) I hate hospitals.

2) When getting very lost on your way to the medical school's library (to find a book on some gross disease) and thereby ending up in the basement of the medical school's hospital, it is not a good idea to take a wrong turn into a freezer door that has a large sign stating "Carcass/cadaver disposal."

My attempts to look like I wasn't lost and totally knew where I was to those that passed me were ruined when I squealed like a little girl and ran away down the hall.

Common Sense, Anyone?

As a wise friend (Anita) recently said, "I'm sick of having to compensate for the incompetence of others."

Of course I agree. For some reason I figured that in law school I'd be surrounded by brillant people, who vastly outweighed me in their intelligence. There are some really smart people here, but apparently they let almost anybody into law school who has a pulse and can take a standardized test well. Being a good test taker does not mean you are smart.

Being smart has something to do with having common sense. Something happened the other day that made me think back to my days of waiting tables. I had a four top with one woman who was being incredibly picky. She ordered a salad, and asked me if we had any dressings that did not have sugar in them. She then informed me that she was on this special diet and could not have sugar. Thinking that she was diabetic, or something along those lines, I promised to find her a dressing without sugar. I went back into the walkin and proceeded to read the ingredients on all 13 of our salad dressings. They all had sugar. I went and filled in my manager, and he said he'd make something for the woman that didn't have sugar. He proceeded to roll up his sleeves and go to work on the back line.

The table's food came up, so I brought it all out to the table, and presented the special salad dressing to the woman on the no-sugar diet. She thanked me and promptly dug into her salad. Later, I returned to the table to clear away plates and offer after-dinner drinks. Special diet lady looked at me and said, "Can I get a chocolate shake please?"

For some reason I remember this moment each time I'm faced with incompetence. Don't make me go out of my way for you because you tell me you can't have sugar, and then turn around and order a chocolate shake for dessert.

Why should I have to compensate for you being a moron?

Why is it that you are so smart that you can get an A on a law school final but you can't hold a two minute conversation?

How did you get into law school without knowing what esquire meant?


A recent email:
"I'm a 1.5L, or something like that, at an overpriced school in the midwest, the kind of 25K per year school that the US NEWS AND WORLD REPORT pisses on during their yearly rankings. Instead of preparing for summer classes in Evid, Pro. Res., and some lame seminar, I thought I would search for underaged Thai porn and somehow, this linked to your blog. It is in my favorites, and made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing this with all of your other fellow law students."

A few thoughts about above fanmail:

Reasonable Peep: "
Underage Thai porn? Hmm...what is the connection? "

Roberts: "
Underaged Thai porn? Obviously we are doing something VERY wrong. It's my hope that we can turn the blog around and only have the blog pop up as a result for classy searches, like double amputee midget stocking fetishist "art" films."

Larceny: "
Can I just say how proud I was to read that we are a search result for Underaged Thai porn? I think a tear went to my eye. That being said, I still have the nylon porn (fuckin' Sandra and Peep) so he's not totally off."

Calculating: "Hmmm, I wonder what he was looking for. Well, I'm glad he found us. The fact that he's even sober enough to send us an email, despite being in law school during the summer, means that he obviously needs our help."

Retrospect: 2L Goals

So, now that the 2L year is wrapping up and we will be moving up in the world to the status of "rising 3Ls" it is time to evaluate whether we accomplished our goals for this past year.

1. "Drinking the round-the-world beer tour to receive a "free" sweatshirt (read: the most expensive fucking sweatshirt ever because you had to pay for 80 outrageously priced beers to get it)."
  • Task undertaken by 4 of the lawbitches plus one honorary lawbitch. Lance made it about 60 beers in, and honorary bitch should be finishing up in the next few weeks.
2. "Convince at least one 1L to purchase a “pool” pass."
3. "Not read one page of any book for at least one class. Better yet, not even buy all of the required books."
  • Hmmm, I bought my PR casebook, read two assignments the entire semester. Shouldn't have bothered. Not sure about the other bitches -- anyone not even buy the book for at least one class? Roberts? Does that stupid half-credit seminar count? I never bought the book for that...
4. "Get a 1L to pee her pants."
  • Don't think this was actually accomplished by any one of us. However, I think a 3L did come close during this incident.
5. "Use every single absence in every single class possible. (Screw the perfect attendance certificate, Roberts)"
  • Done and done. I know this was accomplished by Sandra, Roberts and myself. Not sure about the other 5 bitches. Goody-goods.
6. "Convince at least one 1L that it will be a rewarding experience (and look great on his resume) to be a law clerk for the LawBitches."
  • We're still working on this one. And we were recently informed that some of the 1Ls at our school have gotten wind of this blog and started reading -- would any of you care to crawl out of the woodwork and volunteer?
7. "Instead of playing Gunner BINGO in class, playing drinking games. For example, in Professional Responsibility every time the professor says “ethics” we have to do a shot."
  • Ended up playing Fantasy Gunner in PR instead. No drinking during class, but there definitely was some involved before and after. Oh, and Sandra won. The prize? Beer.
8. "Join Alcoholics Anonymous."
  • The fact that we crossed this one before we even started the year should say something.
9. "Be accused of being an alcoholic by a significant other."
  • Was there any lawbitch that this didn't happen to this year?
10. "Win the over/under on the number of 1Ls to drop after Fall grades come out."
  • Damn, we forgot to do this. Must have been too wrapped up in the drinking and brief writing fall semester.
11. "Drink more coffee in one semester than annually exported from Costa Rica."
  • Between Lance, Sandra, Scalito and I this was EASILY accomplished. Pretty sure we exceeded this goal before Fall break. (Scary as it is, looks like I spent about a grand of my financial aid this year on visits to Caribou.)
Goals we accomplished that we didn't even know we had:
  • To manipulate the lawbitches into positions of power to run the school next year.
  • To continue under the guise of being "good little law students" while at school and not reveal the fact that we are all true bitches at heart.
  • To make it through the year without jumping off the 4th floor balcony (Roberts, 2nd floor balcony does not count -- that is simply a cry for help).
  • To not be arrested for disorderly conduct (Scalito, getting thrown out of the bar doesn't count).
  • To finish our second year without too much drama To survive the 2L year. (Pretty sure there was more drama involved this year then all of our sophomore years of high school combined. And we haven't actually finished yet...)

Happy Law Day!

So when I stopped at the public library this morning (what was I doing there, you ask? Because I'm DONE with all of my finals -- sorry fellow bitches -- and I was picking up some material to read for fun...) I discovered two things:

1) Apparently we can get free Westlaw access at the public library. There was free training there this morning. (So for those of you who could potentially be going through withdrawal this summer you can get your fix there...)

2) The free Westlaw training was in honor of today being Law Day. Apparently this is national holiday enacted into law by President Eisenhower back in the 50's. It is a "special day of celebration by the people of the United States" and people are invited "to observe Law Day, U.S.A., with appropriate ceremonies and in other appropriate ways, through public entities and private organizations and in schools and other suitable places."

Sounds like yet another excuse for law student to drink, huh? Screw finals. You'd be neglecting your duty to the ideals of justice and equality that founded this country if you didn't celebrate!