This Can't Be the First Time, Can It?

A 3L at Indiana University of School of Law was charged with criminal recklessness after shooting his real estate casebook. I'm guessing he's not the first to do it, but maybe just the first to get caught?

Then again, how many law students have AK-47s in their apartments?

So the real pressing question is, obviously, which casebook would you shoot first? I'm not going lie, for me it's a tie between PR and Evidence. I wonder if I could get both in one shot...

Gotta Love Your Job, Right?

A 3L relaying the fun parts of the job:

3L #1: "So apparently the defendant called and told the judge yesterday that myself and my co-counsel were at her house doing meth with her over the weekend."

Several other 3Ls, laughing.

3L #1: "This is serious, guys. What do I do?"

3l #2: "Go in for a drug test?"

3L #1: (Sigh.) "All I know is that if I lose any teeth before this next hearing, I'm fucked."

"If the 2Ls in this class fuck up the curve, I'm gonna stab somebody"*

[*Yes, this was actually said by one of the LawBitches (rather loudly) when walking into one of our required classes...]

Ah, the 2Ls. Even though we are only four days in they have provided amusement to no end. It kills us as we sit in class behind all of them, listening to them discussing the reading (fifteen minutes before class starts), and staring at their 5 pages of typed book notes on their laptop screens (again, prior to the first class). Don't you know that you are no longer 1Ls? Knock it off!

I certainly hope we were never like that last year. What is wrong with the class of 2009?

The first day of school…

Calculating: I think there are so many gunners in this class that the odds of getting called on are virtually zero

Giggles: yeah

Giggles: i vote the girl in the third row from the front, middle far right side tries first

Giggles: she's my middle square

2 minutes later

Giggles: i can cross off my middle square

Calculating: lol. That didn't take long

Calculating: why is she the free square?

Giggles: because the easiest one is always the middle

23 minutes later

Giggles: ok... annoying. stop trying to be funny

Calculating: no kidding

Giggles: man... i really just need to line those people all up on the board and I would have a bingo almost already

Giggles: screw filling in the rest of the board

Calculating: fantasy gunner is better then bingo because you go the entire semester and you get to draft your players

Giggles: yeah. but how do you draft people you don’t know the names of — like all of the 2Ls?

Calculating: well, sneak a peek at the seating chart

Giggles: ask for a copy

Giggles: in order to get to know our 2L better

Calculating: yeah, question is are there more 2L or 3L gunners in this class?

Calculating: do you realize the only 3Ls in the first five rows of the class are on law review?

Giggles: oh sad

Giggles: there just aren't that many 3ls in here

The second day of school…

Larceny: These little 2Ls are funny. They snipe at each other.

Larceny: One girl kept saying the wrong name. And Lance and I noticed it and were like whatever

Larceny: And then someone raised their hand and was like "she is saying the WRONG name"

Larceny: And emphasized it and she said, "I'm sorry, I understood that it was this way" kinda cranky-like

Calculating: who is it?

Larceny: Yeah, cause I would know that. The chick has [insert description that is too close for the comfort of the semi-anonymity of this blog here]

Calculating: omigod I think that might be the same one that was driving nuts in my class too.

Larceny: She's kinda dumb

Larceny: Says things without reading/thinking at first

Calculating: yeah, she was trying way too hard to be funny in class today...

Larceny: the prof keeps asking her questions and she's pretty confused

Larceny: For such go-getters, they're not THAT smart

Larceny: My favorite part is that Lance and I knew that she made the mistake like a half hour ago, but decided that IM and the internet were more important

The third day of school…

Roberts: its great having 2Ls in class though

Roberts: they are all trying so hard

Roberts: and Larceny and i are picking nicknames for them

Calculating: you need to get a student directory from last year and cross out their real names, so I can figure out who you are talking about

Roberts: lol

Calculating: ask Larceny if the gunner from crim pro is in corps too

Roberts: so far there is k-fed, Captain Scribe, and the Weiner King and his Court

Calculating: ?

Roberts: k-fed looks like he should have been in an adult GED class

Roberts: Larceny really hates the weiner king

Roberts: i think he is hilarious

Calculating: lol. I kind of want to know who these people are but maybe it's best if I don

Roberts: The weiner king really is the king of all weiners. his voice, his slang, his mannerisms, his face.

Roberts: i bet he is awesome at chess

Roberts: Captain Scribe did casebriefs for the reading!!!!

Larceny: I told Roberts that the weiner king was kind of creepy and douchey

Larceny: "Like a frat boy that will corner you in a hallway and try to make you drink in the hopes that finally some girl will let him touch her boobies"

Calculating: oh, god, I know who it is — he is a bit outspoken as well

Larceny: "Outspoken" is not the word I would have used for him

Larceny: I like douche-y better

Larceny: I think it may be the combo of the suit + memorized restatement = douchey

Calculating: lol

Larceny: "When I was working at blah blah blah this summer...."

Calculating: the 2Ls are doing that already?

Calculating: I thought that was reserved for pretentious 3Ls

Larceny: Nope, apparently not

Must Have Been Some Night...

...when you wake up the next morning and think, well at least I didn't throw up last night...and then you sense the sour taste in your mouth and realize that you did right before you passed out.

And yet you still get up, possibly still drunk, and drive to the library on a Sunday because finals are less then a week away... That's when it truly hits you that you are a law student.

My mother has figured out law school.

So, there's a "controversy" around the law bitch law school currently. I won't go into detail, so as not to ire those at our school who seem to be highly personally involved in the situation and take it as a personal affront if no one agrees with them. Basically, a student group is requesting funding from the student fees to do something that a good amount of people do not want their student fees to go to. And this is something that for anyone outside of law school, would seem to be common sense. As an example, let's say a student group wanted to say, set things on fire and claim that this is "educational." And their posters say, "Ever want to learn what it's like to set awesome things on fire? Come to our meeting!" So okay, this may be a bad example, but you get the point. To most people this is common sense. No, if you want to set things on fire, do it on your own time, it's stupid to use school funding for it right? I mean, I don't care if you want to burn shit, just don't spend my money doing it. Pretty simple right? Nope, not for law students! Instead of just saying, "This is stupid, no" they argue about legal rights, and responsibilities to student creativity, and constitutional rights and blah blah blah. As my mother (who is a high school teacher) put it when I told her about this:

"High school students are stupid because they do things without thinking. Law school students are just like high school students, only they do stupid things because they think too much." And then she added, "also, I think your classmates probably just like to hear themselves talk and sound all cool talking like lawyers."

Ah, mom. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Ahhhh.... registration. Good Times.

So the other day we had a 1L approach us to discuss what classes to take next year and he asked about classes that are hard for even 2Ls (future 3Ls) to get into due to the small class size (i.e. Negotiations, 12 people per class). To which we responded, “Oh, you won’t get into those classes, they fill up right away. We probably won’t even get in, and we get to register first. We couldn’t get into them last year either.” To which the 1L rolled his eyes at us and looked at one of his friends with a smirk on his face. (Can I just say that it took a lot from Larceny here not to smack that smirk off his face). They just don't get it.

All those classes he asked for and thought he could get into being closed with at least 10 people waitlisted by 8:03 am (registration was at 8:00am): Priceless.

Have fun registering!

Land of Milk & Honey

I. Outline

• Since becoming a law student - I dream, think and live in and endless world of outlines. If you don’t care for posts in outline form – move on.

II. Overheard Today

• Student A: Did she think he was hot?
• Student B: Yeah. Hell yeah.
• Student A: Really? She thought he was hot but she’s also seeing someone?
• Student B: Yeah, but it’s not like she’s faithful. We could totally get her to do him
• Scalito: Are you guys freshmen?
• Student A: No but you’re a sophomoric (really - that's what he said. A sophmoric what? Never did tell me).
• Scalito (thought): Great comeback.
• Student B (in front of many other students): Hey, were just trying to get student C laid, settle down.
• Scalito (thought): Is this high school or a frat house? WTF.

And YOU got into law school?

Welcome to the first round of what will probably be many observations regarding some of the people whose wit and personality astound me:

Concerned law student to a fellow law student with an air cast on her right ankle: "What happened?"

Gimpy law student: "I was wearing really cute shoes on Saturday."

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Law professor on the first day of class: "So what movie or show possibly influenced your decision to come to law school?"

Around the room the standard response was Law and Order, A Civil Action, Perry Mason and To Kill A Mockingbird, just to name a few.

The blonde sitting in front of me, pink pen in hand, "Legally Blonde One and Two."

(Hmm, I guess having seen the first movie wasn't enough for her. It was the second one that put that decision over the edge. I wonder if you can take your LSATs with a pink pen?)

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A student just prior to a three-hour final while trying to add up the "recommended times" for each question: "But that's only 180 minutes. That's not three hours!"

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1L in the law library volunteering way too much information:
"So like I went to this 80s party the other night and got really drunk. I was on my way to school the next morning and felt really sick, so I like pulled over in this parking lot and ran behind a car and started puking. As I was puking all I could think was 'ohmigod, what if someone sees me? I'm going to be a lawyer someday.' After I was done I got back in my car and decided maybe I shouldn't go to class, so I went home. But I tried to go to class that day so it should count for something."

Which Tree Did You Fall Out Of?

At training for a volunteer program, during an ice-breaker exercise:

“My name is Mary. My best educational experience was a class I took in college because we got to work with and tutor underprivileged youth. My worst educational experience has been law school. I’m glad I’m here and all, but it’s really not my thing. I’m a 4L at XXX Law School.”

A 4L? No shit, law school is not really your thing. How many times did you have to fail Torts to be a 4L?

Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death...

Ahhhh yes. The second semester has begun. I, for one, am not quite turned on yet by the reading; I was hoping for at least some titilation. Though it is not coming from the text, class has proven to be entertaining. Yesterday's crim discussion on the justifications for punishment began with a serious question for us..... Were you spanked as a child? Will you spank your kids? ARE YOU A SPANKER OR A NON-SPANKER? The junior high student in each of us was suddenly liberated, and a chat room was quickly set up so that we could all jump on top of the filthy side of spanking. How delightful. I paid about $90/hour to hear my colleagues' stories about the worst beatings they ever received as children. It truly was a "Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you" kind of class. Ah well.

I moved on today though, and assuming that things would get more interesting, decided to get a jump on the first assigned reading for property. Now THAT was a good time. Nothing beats about 4,000 pages about how law students and lawyers are all alcoholics who do blow off the back of the bathroom toilets. BUT (the article informed me) there is hope. The only way out is through Jesus. Yes- that's right- put down the bottle and that straw you got from a 7-11 slurpy and get on your knees.... While I appriciate the concern that many have for the well-being of lawyers and law students, I almost wonder if this is not some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? Thought I had while reading the article: "Man, I don't know why, but I am really craving a bottle of vodka and some nose candy...."