To the dumb bitch who was sitting in 36A on the 3:45 pm flight from San Francisco,
Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Love,
Calculating
PS - To top it all off, I saw you down those two mini-bottles of Bombay in the back of the plane. Way to be a complete drunk in front of your kids. Good call. Also, you are really at that age where your kids could easily be mistaken for your grandkids. Good job on doubly screwing them over.
To the LawBitches,
I got the dumb bitch's license plate number, which means I will soon have her name and address. She'll never know where it came from, so start compiling a list of ways in which we will terrorize her.
Yours Truly,
Calculating
*I've always wanted to use the phrase "rue the day" in a blog post.
Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vacation. Show all posts
Labor Day: Reminding You of All That is No More
Ahhh... That was fun.
And now this isn't.
Labor Day is fun because it is a "bury your head in the sand" sort of thing that reminds most of us that at one time we did have a life, got to play outside, had friendships and relationships outside of school, and had free time to hang around and not feel like you had a ton of shit to do. We drink, not out of need or social anxiety, but because its fun.
But, as with many "bury your head in the sand" activities, Labor Day is truly only a cruel taunt, which actually increases the sand pile you are buried in, setting upon you an endless task list to which you WILL comply. And all that fun stuff over the weekend? Well, fall break will be coming up soon. You can make it till then. Right?
Back to drinking out of necessity.
And now this isn't.
Labor Day is fun because it is a "bury your head in the sand" sort of thing that reminds most of us that at one time we did have a life, got to play outside, had friendships and relationships outside of school, and had free time to hang around and not feel like you had a ton of shit to do. We drink, not out of need or social anxiety, but because its fun.
But, as with many "bury your head in the sand" activities, Labor Day is truly only a cruel taunt, which actually increases the sand pile you are buried in, setting upon you an endless task list to which you WILL comply. And all that fun stuff over the weekend? Well, fall break will be coming up soon. You can make it till then. Right?
Back to drinking out of necessity.
There's Conversation Outside Law School?
So, as some of you might have already guessed, I spent Spring Break lying on a beach in Mexico. This last week off -- from everything: work, school, and thinking about work or school -- allowed my husband and I to spend more time together then I think we've spent in the last three years combined.
Law school obviously puts a lot of stress on relationships. Most of the time that we do actually spend together is often spent arguing over one thing or another (lack of time, finances, my terrible law school jokes). My virtual lack of a life outside law school pretty much means that I have nothing else to talk about. Which, as you all well know, outside of other law students (even with other law students) leads to DULL conversation.
Anyway, so we decided no work or law school talk while on vacation. For the most part, we followed that and our need to talk about other things lead to some very interesting conversation. (Well, maybe that and the fact that we never really stopped drinking from the moment we stepped off the plane.) A few key things I learned:
One, ladies, did you know that blue balls is not really a serious condition? Apparently, men just use that excuse to get some. (Yeah, it took almost 5 years of marriage the truth to finally be revealed).
Two, a guy could proposition 100 girls to have sex before he'd get laid, whereas a girl could walk up to a guy, grab him in the balls and say, "Wanna fuck?" and 7 out of 10 times, she'd get laid. (I wanted to test this theory while on vacation, but my husband quickly put a kibosh on that. Also, I think a girl could offer to blow a guy and 10 out of 10 times she's get a yes.)
Three, best cure for a hangover is: hair of the dog. And finger-sized burritos. (Well, yeah, I guess I actually did know this, but I never thought it was socially acceptable to be drinking by 8 am every morning. I guess what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico, right? Things that happen in foreign countries don't have to be disclosed to the law board of examiners, do they?)
So, to the three of you out there that read this blog -- are points one and two accurate? Or did I mistake them in my drunken state?
Law school obviously puts a lot of stress on relationships. Most of the time that we do actually spend together is often spent arguing over one thing or another (lack of time, finances, my terrible law school jokes). My virtual lack of a life outside law school pretty much means that I have nothing else to talk about. Which, as you all well know, outside of other law students (even with other law students) leads to DULL conversation.
Anyway, so we decided no work or law school talk while on vacation. For the most part, we followed that and our need to talk about other things lead to some very interesting conversation. (Well, maybe that and the fact that we never really stopped drinking from the moment we stepped off the plane.) A few key things I learned:
One, ladies, did you know that blue balls is not really a serious condition? Apparently, men just use that excuse to get some. (Yeah, it took almost 5 years of marriage the truth to finally be revealed).
Two, a guy could proposition 100 girls to have sex before he'd get laid, whereas a girl could walk up to a guy, grab him in the balls and say, "Wanna fuck?" and 7 out of 10 times, she'd get laid. (I wanted to test this theory while on vacation, but my husband quickly put a kibosh on that. Also, I think a girl could offer to blow a guy and 10 out of 10 times she's get a yes.)
Three, best cure for a hangover is: hair of the dog. And finger-sized burritos. (Well, yeah, I guess I actually did know this, but I never thought it was socially acceptable to be drinking by 8 am every morning. I guess what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico, right? Things that happen in foreign countries don't have to be disclosed to the law board of examiners, do they?)
So, to the three of you out there that read this blog -- are points one and two accurate? Or did I mistake them in my drunken state?
My Spring Break sucks
So, the LawBitches are on Spring Break this week (hence the even less amount of blogging), but if it makes anyone feel better, my Spring Break sucks ass.
First, I go to visit my family. I brought my cat thinking "oh, he'll get to hang out with my parent's cats and make friends!" (And imagine that in an all excited, squeaky tone). He did make friends. Unfortunately, that means that while myself and AssHusband are attempting to sleep, three cats are chasing each other around the upstairs, meowing and hissing and fighting and romping around. Oh, and shitting. Because my mother thought it would be a good idea to bring the cat box upstairs since they were all upstairs sleeping together (which at the time was cute, but quickly turned ugly) and could have it closer. At 4am, when you are trying to get to sleep (after your 19 year old sister made you stay up half the night watching "Degrassi: The New Generation" - don't ask) it is awful hearing a cat scratching for like a fucking half hour at the kitty litter and smelling up the entire upstairs. Also, my parents have an ungodly amount of plants. So that meant that all three cats were eating this one plant (that kinda looks like grass) and then puking it up. If anyone out there has ever heard a cat puke in the night, you know the feeling of dread, knowing you should get up and clean it up, and then deciding to let it go and clean it up the next day. Also, the cats thought it would be a fun game to have one cat on our bed, and one cat under the bed or directly below it and swatting and meowing at one another in their respective positions. Of course, while the third decided to jump in our overnight bag and take a nap (and she has really long, white fur). Good times. So three cats = no sleep.
Then, I come home. And I think, "okay so I gotta go back to work, but it won't be so bad, at least I don't have to go to school!" Hah. I forgot that AssHusband decided we needed life insurance to cover our house in case anything ever happens, and we had our medical exam the day after we got back. Which includes a blood draw. When I saw the nurse chick bring out the needle I was like, "WHAT?! I need to have blood drawn, with a NEEDLE?!?!" And I think I almost drop kicked her and ran away. One thing you should know about me is that I am dreadfully afraid of needles. When I was a kid I apparently had to have a big one, so it totally traumatized me. And then she looks at my arm and says, "oh you have tough veins, it's going to take me longer than I thought" and it was so freaking painful. I almost passed out. I'm pretty sure that if I had known about the needle, I would have said fuck it.
So to those LawBitches (ahem-Calculating) who are on some wonderful beach somewhere sipping on a fruity drink while a muscled pool boy brings them towels: Fuck you.
On a positive note, I haven't done any work for school this week, because I don't have too. I do love being a 2L sometimes.
Awesome update: I may have asthma!
First, I go to visit my family. I brought my cat thinking "oh, he'll get to hang out with my parent's cats and make friends!" (And imagine that in an all excited, squeaky tone). He did make friends. Unfortunately, that means that while myself and AssHusband are attempting to sleep, three cats are chasing each other around the upstairs, meowing and hissing and fighting and romping around. Oh, and shitting. Because my mother thought it would be a good idea to bring the cat box upstairs since they were all upstairs sleeping together (which at the time was cute, but quickly turned ugly) and could have it closer. At 4am, when you are trying to get to sleep (after your 19 year old sister made you stay up half the night watching "Degrassi: The New Generation" - don't ask) it is awful hearing a cat scratching for like a fucking half hour at the kitty litter and smelling up the entire upstairs. Also, my parents have an ungodly amount of plants. So that meant that all three cats were eating this one plant (that kinda looks like grass) and then puking it up. If anyone out there has ever heard a cat puke in the night, you know the feeling of dread, knowing you should get up and clean it up, and then deciding to let it go and clean it up the next day. Also, the cats thought it would be a fun game to have one cat on our bed, and one cat under the bed or directly below it and swatting and meowing at one another in their respective positions. Of course, while the third decided to jump in our overnight bag and take a nap (and she has really long, white fur). Good times. So three cats = no sleep.
Then, I come home. And I think, "okay so I gotta go back to work, but it won't be so bad, at least I don't have to go to school!" Hah. I forgot that AssHusband decided we needed life insurance to cover our house in case anything ever happens, and we had our medical exam the day after we got back. Which includes a blood draw. When I saw the nurse chick bring out the needle I was like, "WHAT?! I need to have blood drawn, with a NEEDLE?!?!" And I think I almost drop kicked her and ran away. One thing you should know about me is that I am dreadfully afraid of needles. When I was a kid I apparently had to have a big one, so it totally traumatized me. And then she looks at my arm and says, "oh you have tough veins, it's going to take me longer than I thought" and it was so freaking painful. I almost passed out. I'm pretty sure that if I had known about the needle, I would have said fuck it.
So to those LawBitches (ahem-Calculating) who are on some wonderful beach somewhere sipping on a fruity drink while a muscled pool boy brings them towels: Fuck you.
On a positive note, I haven't done any work for school this week, because I don't have too. I do love being a 2L sometimes.
Awesome update: I may have asthma!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Larceny Bitch: Good lord, it looks like a frozen hell out there
John Roberts: omg
John Roberts: thank goodness i got to school when i did
John Roberts: i wouldnt want to walk in that
Larceny Bitch: No kidding!
John Roberts: also
John Roberts: i am super thankful that the snow started just in time to strand me at school rather than keep me home
Larceny Bitch: lol, why
John Roberts: i was being sarcastic :)
Larceny Bitch: oh
Larceny Bitch: Man, if I saw this out there right now and I was at home, I sure as hell would not be going to Jurisprudence
John Roberts: maybe you shouldnt got anyway
Larceny Bitch: I was all pissed this morning they didn't cancel school, because I knew it was going to get worse, and by then I'd have to make it home
John Roberts: you should skip anyway
John Roberts: otherwise you will be stranded
Larceny Bitch: I still have to go to work and get this court shit filed, unfortunately
John Roberts: oh that sucks
Larceny Bitch: I was hoping that school would be cancelled so I could go into work early and finish that up and then stay home
John Roberts: yeah
Larceny Bitch: I'm still praying afternoon classes are cancelled
John Roberts: i was hoping that school would be canceled so i could stay home in my PJs and veg out
Larceny Bitch: lol
Larceny Bitch: There is that too
John Roberts: oh that would be great. i hate crappy class
Larceny Bitch: I think they should cancel afternoon classes so I can go over to Local Wine Bar
Larceny Bitch: that sounds like a much better afternoon
John Roberts: how will you get home in this frozen death if have a glass of wine?
Larceny Bitch: Well, I wasn't going to go right after I drank it
Larceny Bitch: Also, I was trying to talk Lance Ito into doing it tomorrow, but now Im thinking I don't want to come at all tomorrow
Larceny Bitch: Professor already gave us an out for class
John Roberts: nice
John Roberts: i would stay home and watch dr phil
Larceny Bitch: Exactly
John Roberts: the snow got less crazy
Larceny Bitch: Oh, damn
John Roberts: class needs to get canceled, don't you know that mother nature?
Larceny Bitch: Yeah, she's really not helping with that
John Roberts: i know. what a bitch
Larceny Bitch: Well, I'll start praying it snows harder again
John Roberts: dear jesus, if you make it snow real hard, i wont masturbate for 4 whole hours and i will sacrifice a goat in your honor
John Roberts: the snow is going better now
We just got word that classes are canceled this afternoon. I guess I better find a goat.