Do They Know Something I Don't Know?

I got this in the mail yesterday. It was clearly addressed to Ms. Calculating Bitch, and not current resident, so I know it was intended for me:

"This special time in my life?" Maybe I'm naive but I always thought that I'd be the first to know.

To whomever added me to the freaking pregnant woman mailing list: haha. I will hunt you down.

I love Dr. Phil

I love Dr. Phil. And I don't care what anyone says, I just do. I think I love it the most when he yells at his guests (i.e. "You're 700 pounds! Quit blaming it on the spider bite!" Classic stuff.) I know I should be studying for Property. I have been studying for Property and dammit, I am watching some Dr. Phil. I wonder if it would be easier to be 700 lbs. than take this exam tomorrow. Probably. Especially since we know this Prof. has written the most ridiculously crazy exam. (I believe she thoroughly enjoys the looks of exasperation on our faces when we turn over the exam and see it for the first time.) I betcha Dr. Phil would do better on this exam than any of us, he's from Texas - he knows how to speak her language. Damn, it's over. Now Oprah's on (read: boring). Sigh....Back to Property.

PS: I know all my fellow bloggers (with this blog and others) are also avoiding studying in these moments like myself, as the blogs have been afire with comments and rapid posts in recent days!

In times of need we all could lend a helping hand...

As preparations for the first exam build up to a crescendo I found a way to give back and hopefully get karma on your side...

Good karma is a key prepatory device in order to take an exam (along with prayer, sacrificing virgins, and maybe studying). Go to this guys website and help him out.

When you help others, it not only makes you feel good, but gives back to the community. By helping this guy out, we all benefit in the long run. Do your good deed for the day and make karma your friend.

So law school does teach us stuff, well but we just don't remember it

So today I actually had to remember something I learned way back in Civil Procedure. (Basically, all I remember from that class right now is Diversity jurisdiction, cause it's easy, and maybe a little subject matter jurisdiction - but I wouldn't bet on it.) Anything beyond that, nil. So anyway, I had to find out how to argue for a certain venue. Now see, I barely remember venue, and I'm pretty sure that we didn't talk about it for long, and that I was probably on AIM at the time. But I had this very foggy recollection of the prof saying something about "if you give the defendant a venue in their own area (so it's not the legal term, so what you get the idea) they can't complain!" Or something like that. But of course, I have no idea if he actually said that, or if I made it up, or if he did say it, what case/rule it was about. So ensued 2 hours of me going through Google, Westlaw, and of course, my notes from Civ Pro trying to find an inkling of that. (Curiously, looking back at my notes from the beginning of the year made me laugh realizing I actually took very diligent notes in the early days of my 1L year - ah naive little Larceny, if you could only see the future). Not a damned thing. So I guess once in awhile they do teach you stuff that has relevance later on in the legal world, it's just that remembering it when you need it is unlikely. Then, as I did, you will spend a few hours looking for that faint memory on the always lovable Google and the ever-menacing creation that is Westlaw. My point? Everything you needed to know about the law could pretty much just be found on the internet, so IM away!

100th Post!

Well, we finally reached our first milestone -- 100 posts. In order to commemorate this historic moment, I thought I'd reach into the depths of sitemeter and pull out the best Google searches that have recently lead people to the hallowed pages of this blog. Without further ado:

• "marriage is boring"
• "being a loser"
• "what does it cost to paint a passanger's door on a dodge van"*
• "love con law"
• "how to get a date when you are a loser"
• "person getting hit at a PTA meeting"

Based on the sampling above, I'd say that you can find just about everything that you are looking for here at There's No Competition. Well, that is as long as everything you are looking for has nothing to do with substance. Thanks for reading!

*Yes, the search had "passangers" spelt wrong so this anal rententive editor must have let that one slip through the cracks.

Nice Nice Baby

In Honor of Our Property Professor:

(To the tune of Ice, Ice Baby, obviously)

Yo MD let's kick it

Nice nice baby (x2)
All right stop grab a fetus and listen
We are back with a brand new adoption
Umbilical grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like the menses daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Check out the maxis, they dam the flow
From the ovaries I give birth like a vandal
Light up a stage and pass the placenta like a candle
Breathe bum rush the baby that cries
I'm killing your pain like a phatty epidural
Deadly when I push a still born chile'
Killin' your kids 'cause of postpartum is a felony
Love it or leave I'm gonna gain weight
You better time your contractions or the kid don't play
If I got a moon cup yo I'll solve it
Check out the crown while my midwife revolves it

CHORUS
Nice nice baby vanillla (x4)

1L Advice: The Books

During our weekly staff meeting here at There's No Competition, we decided that we needed to do something to give back to the community. After much time and reflection, we determined that we could best help all of the current 1Ls out there and prospective law students that read this blog (all four of you) by offering advice.

Okay, in reality we were in an IM chat room during Con Law one day and thought that us dispensing advice would be rather hilarious, seeing as how we are only 1Ls and don't know shit. So here is our first attempt at bestowing our finite wisdom on all who bother to waste their time reading our blog:

What To Do With Your Law Books After Finals are Over

1. Sell them back (only if you want enough money for 2 beers at the bar after your last final).
   
2. Burn them. Throw a huge bash and start a bonfire in your backyard. If your landlord throws a fit, tell him he's intefering with your quiet enjoyment.
   
3. Use them as paperweights. Everyone always needs 7 paperweights that are over 3 inches thick.
4. Use them as doorstops. Never know when you're going to need to build an entire wall to keep that door from slamming shut.
5. Hollow them out and use them to store your valuables. They look impressive on your bookshelves, potential thieves won't take a second glance at them because they have too big of words, and they are thick enough to conceal jewelery and wads of cash.
6. Hollow them out and use them to store your alcohol. They look impressive on your bookshelves, and a liter of stoli fits inside of them nicely. Plus, a row of books makes you look less like a drunk then a row of half-empty bottles of alcohol does. (Mom and Dad will never know that you're an alcoholic.)
   
7. Use them to replace the missing leg from your coffee table.
8. If you don't even have a coffee table, use your books and piece of plywood to create one.
9. Use them to weigh down your Property professor after you dump her cold, lifeless corpse in a lake because she lost your final exam.
10. Keep them and forever treasure the wisdom contained within *snicker.*

Any others that we forgot?