The Work Conference

Well... That was certainly fun. Over the weekend, John Roberts and I went up to the woods with 500+ attorneys from our office for a weekend "conference." I put "conference" in quotes, because it was mostly a lot of drinking and sexual harassment (mostly on my part to John Roberts) with a little side of destruction of property.

The award for best story from the weekend goes to John Roberts: After drinking for about 12 hours straight, John, the other clerks and I cram into cars with our designated drivers to go search for some fast food. It was like the clown car from hell. We made our stop, piled back in the car, and got back to our hotel. Everybody fell out of the car, and made our way back to our respective rooms. After about 10 minutes, I realized that John Roberts wasn't in our room. He's quite the player, so I figured he had found another conference attendee to wrap him in rubber and spank him furiously. Feeling a little jealous, I went back to bed.

Turns out, John Roberts had never gotten out of the car. Nice.

One of the "designated drivers" finally realized that Roberts hadn't left his car, and went back down to go and get him. Roberts, laying very drunkenly in the car seat, could not be moved. Finally he awoke, emitting a long trail of saliva down his shirt, and his buddy was able to at least get him into the hotel. Into the room was another story. After Roberts tried to enter our co-workers room, the co-worker pointed at someone else's room and said, "No, Roberts, that's your room over there." The co-worker of course knew that it wasn't.

So then Roberts spends the next 15 minutes trying to key into one of our OTHER co-workers rooms, waking her up in a rather creepy fashion. She finally escorted him back to our room, where he slept merrily through the next days seminars.

I don't know what is my favorite part of the story: the vision of Roberts trying to key into somebody random's room for 15 minutes or the idea that we could have left him in the car without even noticing. Good times. I love work conferences.