Ah, the Callback...

What kind of questions are you supposed to ask at a callback interview?

1. How much do you pay?
2. Can I surf for porn at work?
3. What criteria will I be evaluated against?
4. What processes are in place to help me manage the workload as a busy law student?
5. Do I get a free "Booze of the Month" club membership?
6. Sex on my desk. Kosher?
7. What is something you wish you would have known about the firm before you accepted your position?
8. What is your favorite thing about working for the firm? Your least favorite?
9. I have a slight drinking problem and huge gambling problem. I might miss work occassionally because I'll be on 15 hour benders at the casino. However, I'll always spend the following 24 hours in the office making up my lost time. Do you forsee this as being a problem?

10. Can you tell me how your firm governance is set up? How are officers chosen?
11. If you died and were re-incarnated as a character on "The Loveboat," who would you be?

As long as you use at least 5 of the above 11 you'll definitely get an offer.

This is why I work here, Part II

The LawBitches get a week off for fall break next week. We cannot be held accountable for our actions if we decide to sleep all day, or drink all day and therefore “drunk-blog.”

Okay, so as some of you may remember, the lawyers I work for are known for being pretty tough in the personal injury world, which also makes them hilarious. Today I was running around at work trying to get a motion filed. At the same time, there was a huge deposition going on that involved several defendants, I think it was about a fight at a party or something where a kid got hurt, I don’t know, not my case = I don’t care. So I was walking by the meeting room on the second floor where our files are when I walked past the following conversation between two (presumably anyway) defendants sitting in the waiting area outside the meeting room who were talking extremely loudly and surrounded by several other people waiting for various things and paralegals running past them (so you can see they were really smart):

Defendant 1: Where the f--- is the bathroom?

Defendant 2: (shrugs)

(Please note, they were standing about 4 feet across from a door that said “Men” in bold letters)

Defendant 1: Why does that bitch keep asking me questions?

Defendant 2: Well, I think that’s her job.

Defendant 1: Well, her job should be as a secretary or something. (Name of defendant’s lawyer, who is male), now he’s a freaking lawyer.

Defendant 2: I’m pretty sure she’s a lawyer.

Defendant 1: Yeah, but she’s not really one. She’s just one to make lawyers look good, like “we’re not sexist” or some shit.

Defendant 2: Well, if she’s just there to look good, how come you whined as soon as she asked you to explain why you told the cops you punched him and then changed your story.

Defendant 1: ………….

Defendant 2: Well, that “secretary” just kicked your ass then huh?

At this point, Lawyer1 (yes, this Lawyer 1), who is not involved in this case walks by and said, “You’re not too smart there are ya buddy?” And kept walking.

Winding Down?

So there has been some talk here amongst the LawBitches about taking the blog down. Anonymity is practically nonexistant as more people at our school are figuring out that we go here (which is not hard) and then narrowing it down to the usual suspects.

Are we scared of being outed? Not entirely, but the fact that some certain people know about us is making us a bit squeamish. The real question is, then, if we shut down now are shutting down only because we're scared? And what kind of backlash could we possibly expect from being outed?

While our actions have not always entirely been above the line, we made it a rule early on that no personal shots were allowed regarding our school or the students here (with the exception of shots at fellow bloggers, of course). Some people may find us offensive in one manner or another, but we have never really intentionally tried to alienate any one type of person or demographic (well, with the exception of those employed by the IRS -- but really, the IRC is terribly written so that attack is justified). Given this, would us winding up just be seen as a panic response?

We're law students. We study the Constitution. We, out of all people, should understand First Amendment rights.

This Is Why I'm in Law School...

..."Educated women have more orgasms, says survey."

The LawBitches: By the Numbers

• Two members participated in the intramural moot court competition.
• Two members are co-directors of the same student organization.
• Two are involved in clinical programs. (The externship type, not the mental kind).
• Two members are on law review.
• Two are on student government/SBA.
• Eight of the nine are working during their 2L year.
• Two studied abroad this summer.
• Two took summer classes on campus.
• Five worked as research assistants at school some point over the summer.
• Four worked in firms over the summer.
• One worked for the DA over the summer.
• Six are married.
• Five own houses.
• One has a kid.
• Two have dogs.
• Four have cats.
• Nine are drunks.
• Three are smokers.
  
• Zero are prude. (Prude is a relative term, mind you).
• Five are in the same fantasy football league.
• Two play on the hockey team.
• Five went to undergrad in the same state as law school.
• Of the five, two went to the same school during the same time but did not know each other, and two went to the same school but during different times.
• The oldest is 35, the youngest is 23.
• The average Lawbitch age: 27.
• Nine have fairly twisted senses of humor.
• Three live in urban areas.
• Six live in the suburbs.
• Between the 9, they grew up in 4 different states.
• One has a doctorate.
• Two graduated from undergrad the semester before they started law school.
• One has put an arm up a cow's ass.
• Eight hate tax.
• One had perfect attendance first semester of 1L year, but now maxes out the absences in all classes. (Dissent from the aforementioned LawBitch: Two of my classes do not even have a maximum number of absences, so by definition I cannot max out my absences)
• One has slept with half of a soccer team (And claims to be a prude, contrary to the earlier fact).
• Two were computer network/programming geeks prior to law school.
• One absolutely loves cheese. Like, as in, she'd marry it if that wasn't illegal in at least three states.
• Eight are truly bitches in one way or another.
• Five participated in OCI. (Well, one only went to the reception and drank the free booze).
• Two were on Dean's list first semester only to fall off second semester. (It should be noted, however, these two are still extremely intelligent and overall remain in the top of the class.)
• Three have gym memberships....... and contrary to popular belief all three actually use them. Or so they claim.

Moot Court: Law school's way of making you choose your death

So, John Roberts and myself were involved in moot court competition this past weekend here at our school. It was awful. Basically, John Roberts and I agreed that the problem was fairly boring, and that way too many of our classmates had spent weeks on this thing, and seeing as how I'm sure our fair readers are aware of the fact that we would not have done so, we questioned why we even entered in the first place. Especially since the competition went until 8pm on a Friday and through to the following Saturday. With long periods of us all sitting around and waiting in between. At one point, I stated that if I made it through to the next round, I would either cry uncontrollably, or kill myself. And then I thought, well there are probably several ways of dying that are much better than going through moot court competition. I'm not kidding. For example:

1) Stoning
2) Guillotine (at least it would have been quicker than the slow death of sitting through moot court)
3) I can't remember what it's called, but I heard during the Salem witch trials that they would take "witches" and attach their legs and arms to things that would pull them apart. Quartering maybe? That.
4) Alcohol poisoning.
5) I'm pretty sure that there are many more.

Needless to say, as they came into the room to announce who made it through the next round, I started praying, "please don't let it be me, please not me." I didn't even hear who did make it, just that my name was not involved. To which I stood up, looked at those sitting around me and stated, "Awesome. Time for a beer. Who's with me." Let it be known that I had to avoid alcohol for the previous two nights so as to not smell like a liquor store when I was arguing. But at that point, my goal WAS to smell like a liquor store. And in the quickest amount of time possible. So you see, moot court is fun. Why John Roberts and I insist on involving ourselves in school activities still, I do not know.

Seriously. Us?

This search has arguably got to be the funniest way that anyone has ever gotten to our blog.