This is why I work here

So, I'm sitting in my cubicle, happily researching on Westlaw (because, as I believe I have mentioned earlier, Lexis sucks) and this is what I hear, not 2 feet from my area, and loudly enough for anyone in a one mile radius to hear:

Lawyer 1: Where the f*&k is this goddamn witness, is she trying to piss me off?

Investigator: Well, the last time I talked to her she was pretty unfriendly, something about how she didn't like lawyers.

Lawyer 1: Of course she doesn't like lawyers, she goes around hitting people with her car every time her stupid-a** gets drunk and she gets sued. F*%kin' aye - duh you trashy b&*ch.

Investigator: Yeah, but now she won't answer her door or her cell.

Lawyer2: Well, did you look through the window, is she dead?

Investigator: No, there were curtains. I'm pretty sure she's not dead though, her TV turned off the minute I knocked on the door.

Lawyer1: You tell that mother-f*%king bi*&h that if she doesn't get her fat a#@ into this goddamned deposition on her own, I'm going to subpeona her lumpy a@#. And she won't like that. Cause then I'm going to make her so f&*king sorry - I will make her life a living mother-f$%king hell, I will drag her into court every mother-f&*king chance I get, I will track down family members, I will go to her f*&king job. She will see my face every f*$king chance she turns a corner, and I will find her.

Lawyer 2: Well, you mean Investigator will track her down, go to her job, and follow her everywhere.

Lawyer 1: Yeah well...

Investigator: So does this mean I can call her a lumpy a#* to her face? Cause if that's the case, I'm cool with it.

(Expletives were cleaned up for the sake of my virgin eyes, my ears already had enough this morning)

8 comments:

Christian said...

Are you trying to get Lexis stalkers too? "Lexis sucks" ... Before you know it they are going to be tracking your page too!

John Roberts said...

Virgin eyes? So you've never gotten a facial or do you just make sure to keep them shut?

Larceny Bitch said...

Christian - do you think we'll get put on their "projects" too? Cause then we could begin to have a little fun with them......

LawStudentGuyPerson said...

Great story - God, sometimes I can't wait to be a lawyer.

Lance Ito said...

apparently Lawyer #1 thinks he's Keyser Soze.

Lawmommy said...

Lance -- way to work the somewhat obscure movie reference. I may now have a crush on you.

dicta said...

<3 lawyer 1 <3

Calculating Bitch said...

We got our first search hit for "Lexis sucks." Way to go! But it wasn't due to this post, but rather the one in which we outed our Westlaw stalker.