This is why I work here

So, I'm sitting in my cubicle, happily researching on Westlaw (because, as I believe I have mentioned earlier, Lexis sucks) and this is what I hear, not 2 feet from my area, and loudly enough for anyone in a one mile radius to hear:

Lawyer 1: Where the f*&k is this goddamn witness, is she trying to piss me off?

Investigator: Well, the last time I talked to her she was pretty unfriendly, something about how she didn't like lawyers.

Lawyer 1: Of course she doesn't like lawyers, she goes around hitting people with her car every time her stupid-a** gets drunk and she gets sued. F*%kin' aye - duh you trashy b&*ch.

Investigator: Yeah, but now she won't answer her door or her cell.

Lawyer2: Well, did you look through the window, is she dead?

Investigator: No, there were curtains. I'm pretty sure she's not dead though, her TV turned off the minute I knocked on the door.

Lawyer1: You tell that mother-f*%king bi*&h that if she doesn't get her fat a#@ into this goddamned deposition on her own, I'm going to subpeona her lumpy a@#. And she won't like that. Cause then I'm going to make her so f&*king sorry - I will make her life a living mother-f$%king hell, I will drag her into court every mother-f&*king chance I get, I will track down family members, I will go to her f*&king job. She will see my face every f*$king chance she turns a corner, and I will find her.

Lawyer 2: Well, you mean Investigator will track her down, go to her job, and follow her everywhere.

Lawyer 1: Yeah well...

Investigator: So does this mean I can call her a lumpy a#* to her face? Cause if that's the case, I'm cool with it.

(Expletives were cleaned up for the sake of my virgin eyes, my ears already had enough this morning)