Message From Sandra Gay

Ahhhhh…. Yes…

I would expect most of you readers to be shitting solid gold bricks right now. You’re probably thinking “Hey- when the hell did Sandra Gay decide to come back?” “Wasn’t her last post during her 1L year?” Yes friends, it was. But I am back today because it has been brought to my attention that an intervention is required, and I am the right person for the job for reasons that will become obvious shortly.

During the life of this blog we have posted some pretty graphic, and at times (well, most of the time) sophomoric crap. Mostly, it’s not really worth any real intelligent person’s use of his or her time. Occasionally, we too have been surprised by something we read on some blog we are linked to. (Let us all have a moment of silence as we recall the day we discovered that Jurishprudensh had become some crazy horse porn site.) With all that said, today we have been moved to action as a result of some stupid ass comments that are being posted on our blog.

Yes, Winai, I am talking to you. Please read this carefully. (The rest of you can read too. When you hear the chimes, turn the page.)

Winai, we admit that we are immature and, as was stated previously, sophomoric. Many of us think we are funny, and that is usually a result of too much coffee, and a severe lack of sleep. You have been posting comments such as “"if i buy you the Law Bitch Classic Thong will you sport it? " and “He will be my lawn mowing buddy from now on (in reference to Alberto Gonzales,)"and finally, “Okay you lawBITCHES, i come here and never get a question answered by any of you, so i demand answers now! 1. what did you bitches major as an undergrad? 2. is it true the female law students are sexually active?"

Demand this you f*c%ing creepy dude:

In response to your first question, In undergrad we all majored in different subjects. We have a wide background from some crazy science shit that I don’t understand, to some equally crazy computer shit that I don’t understand, to your run of the mill English major. The one thing we all managed to “major in” was not being creepy assholes. You, on the other hand, need to vary your curriculum from French (yes, we read your blog to try to figure out what kind of fucker you are) to “How not to be a creepy dude.”

In response to your second, (and this is where the tough love comes in), sexually activity is not something that we, as a collective group, feel you are ready to discuss. Winai, you’re creepy. We all feel that you are headed in some pretty dangerous directions. Mostly, we think there could be a nasty, and messy, congressional page scandal in your future. Equally probable is a bit of an embarrassing debut on Dateline NBC. All of this can be avoided though by your attention to the little tidbit I am going to share with you. Are you ready?

Winai, you are obviously a homosexual.

I know, I know, “I am not! I love bangin’ chicks!” Sure Winai- that’s what they all say. Your overzealous attempts at sounding straight (pointing out that you are disappointed that your French professor is a “Bangali-looking homosexual” and adding that this “sucks the fun out of the French class. I remember when i was in High School i had a hot French teacher. She made going to classes fun. Then in college i placed out of French 101 and took 102 with a swiss-looking professor. My point is if i'm gonna be learning French i want to learn it from a female…” ), your tired comments aimed at the degradation of women (see above), and your inability to talk about much else leads me to this conclusion. The sooner you embrace this fact and learn to deal, the sooner you will chill the fu%k out and become a most likeable dude. I know for a fact (and I am not the only “Bangali-looking homosexual” in the LawBitches) that you will feel much better, and that is why I am taking my precious time to talk to you.

If you still insist on denial, know this: Even though I don’t sleep with dudes, and yes, I am a “female law student who is sexually active,” if I did, you are the last kind of guy I would sleep with. If you want to get laid (if and when you get to law school with that incredible intellect you’re sporting), I suggest you clean up your act so that women would not, when polled, suggest that they would rather give a hand job to Karl Rove than talk to the likes of you- much less put your dick in their mouths. (This also goes for gay men should you come to terms with yourself. They, in general, find that kind of shit distasteful as well.)

Additionally, save your racist bullshit for someone else’s blog. We have a Hispanic LawBitch. While we reserve the right to pick on her incessantly, your comments about Mexicans piss us off. Stop it.

A word or two about your consideration of law school: You may want to consider learning about punctuation and capitalization. It helps with the law school applications. When you are ready to behave yourself, we will have many more helpful hints for you. We like helping others. We’re do-gooders.

Oh. And one more thing. When you address the LawBitches, you will kindly remember to capitalize “LawBitches.” It’s a sign of respect.