Nothing Like a Free Lunch

-----Original Message-----
From: The Dean
Subject:Tomrrow's Events with Justice Scalia

Dear students,

As you recall, the [law school] is hosting the Formal Investiture of our [one of the former professors] who has just been appointed [as a federal judge]. One of the guests and speakers at the Investiture will be United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia….

Noon to 12:30 pm – Buffet luncheon served on the first floor. Those who wish to attend Justice Scalia’s talk should go through the buffet line promptly at 12 noon, eat your lunch in the auditorium style seating, and await Justice Scalia’s arrival. The buffet line will close by 12:30, so that everyone from the community will be seated when I introduce Justice Scalia. My strong suggestion is to get into the buffet line as close to noon as possible…

Minutes after this email was sent the following conversation ensued:

The Reasonable Peep: a) I love that he spelled tomorrow wrong; and b) who wants to go and meet before hand? Say first floor at 11:45 so we can be at the front of the buffet line?

Anita: I'll see your buffet line at 11:45 and raise you a breadstick. A bird told me that Scalia refused to be flown back commercially, instead insisting on a private jet. I'm not saying anything, just thought it was interesting......

Larceny: Wouldn’t you insist on a private jet if you could? That would be sweet.

Clarence Thomas: Im in… Don’t forget your rainbow buttons… Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll have plenty of extras on hand.

John Roberts: rainbow buttons? gaaaaaay. what's next? rearranging our closets because winter is coming? ;-)

Clarence Thomas: LOW BLOW! (and not in a good way) … What John… Were you rooting around in my closets while you were at my apartment? Creep.

John Roberts: if by rooting around in your closets you mean smelling your underwear while i touch myself, then yes

Clarence Thomas: Id like my key back now, please.

John Roberts: it's on your table, along with some money for the pair of undies i kept

Larceny: Ahhhhhhh……friendship.

Lance: I'll be there as well...

Anita: Lance, I'm not sure if you meant you'll be at the Scalia thing or that you'll be on Clarence’s table, along with the money?!?!!!?

Larceny: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Anita you are my hero for the day

Lance: I earmuffed that whole conversation...I'm thinking pure thoughts in anticipation of Scalia. :)

Clarence Thomas: You just want to get under those robes and get some Italian Sausage loving

John Roberts: mmmm, spicy, i mean bitter

Lance: I'm sooo looking forward to you being called a terrorist...you and your "homosexual agenda..." If you can get Scalia to call you a terroist...you will be my hero

Larceny: I dare someone to stand up to ask Scalia a question and bring up Italian Sausage. It can be as an example. “Justice Scalia, say I eat an Italian Sausage and choke on it….”

So a Supreme Court Justice comes to visit. You'd think we'd be a little more mature. But no.