How to Waste an Hour in Crim Pro

Preface: Let's just say that I received 54 emails and sent 10 emails in a 44-minutes span last night. We had about nine different conversations going on... here are a few of the more amusing. I wonder what our profs would think if they knew what we were doing during class?

-----Original Message-----
From: Red
Sent: Thu 7/6/2006 6:25 PM

Hi guys I’m bored and have nothing to say... but I support the use of BONING in place of "making love" except when trying to make babies... cause then you better be "making sweet, sweet love."

-----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:26 PM

I support romping in place of "making love." I am aware that some of you will argue in favor of "fucking" but I am a nice Catholic girl and would not engage in such a raunchy act.

Romps are fun and whimsical, like me!

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:29 PM

I like bumping and grinding myself... haha!! I support making sweet, sweet love over just plain making love.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:30 PM

Actually making babies on purpose is kind of a job. Boning would make more sense.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:31 PM

if it is a job you should say, "lets go bone like it is our job."

-----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:33 PM

I would like for there to be a task where you could ROMP like it was your job.

If there is a job like this, please let me know.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:36 PM

i think we should make a list of all the things you can call it so Scalito can give his wife a choice of a new name tonight...

bone
fuck
sex (that one is a little crazy)
making love
making sweet sweet love
fucking like rabbits
doing it (that one implies you are in 5th grade so i wouldn't suggest it)

Suggestions people?

-----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:39 PM

Rumpus
Boinking (thanks Road Trip)
Humping
Doing the nasty
Horizontal mambo

-----Original Message-----
From: Calculating
Sent: Thu
7/6/2006 6:39 PM

Compare and Contrast:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boning
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=romping

-----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:41 PM

Damn, bitch, I'ma romp your tight ass

-----Original Message-----
From: Calculating
Sent: Thu
7/6/2006 6:41 PM

This coming from the "good" catholic girl?

----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:42 PM

I was quoting UrbanDictionary.com for analytical purposes.

Damn, bitch.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:43 PM

Romping:
what skanky teenagers(of either gender)do because they are horny, probably drunk, and think they are in love. When it is done between 2 mature people of acceptable age it is known as sex

I like this the best and especially if i don't consider myself an acceptable age----

----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:44 PM

"Damn, bitch, I'ma romp your tight ass" would be more likely to be heard in the context of a case.

We should make ROMP the bonus word for this class.

-----Original Message-----
From: Calculating
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:45 PM

More possibilities:
Getting Some
Shagging
Fornicating
Procreating
Screwing
Pounding
Porking
Banging

-----Original Message-----
From: Red
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:45 PM

I want to reply but I can't cause I promised I’d stop sending emails, however we could just make a chat room on AIM and do this there instead of filling out inbox with soft porn emails.

-----Original Message-----
From: Calculating
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:46 PM

I thought there had to be visuals in order to qualify as porn.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:46 PM

soft porn? this is hard core real deal nasty porn.

-----Original Message-----
From: Red
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:47 PM

You like that stuff don't you SC, which is why you have a 3 bedroom house for 2 people... one with black lights.. one with a sex swing and a rock wall and one with... a tub full of baby oil

---Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:48 PM

There is apparently a vibrator called the romping rabbit.

Who knew?

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:49 PM

Excuse me? No one is pointing at Scalito... his wife just got their second video camera so they could get all angles

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:49 PM

And a pretty sweet remote control.

----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:51 PM

Picture it. Sixteen years from now. Scalito’s daughter is bored after school one day and opens the cabinet her parents keep in their bedroom, hoping to find some weed. Instead, she finds movies. Many many movies.

Her days as a convent postulant are over. She calls Jean Claude Van Damme and they make movies of their own.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:52 PM

You are a cruel, cruel woman.

-----Original Message-----
From: Red
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:59 PM

I was thinking about it and I think romping should be used only for sex performed in hot weather... it them implies lots of sweating and moving and noise.

boning works for cold weather... such as playful "I have raccoon hat on and uggs but otherwise I am naked" sex

does that work?

-----Original Message-----
From: The Artist
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:03 PM

UGGs are for walking to the bus, not for sex!

Sex should be had like it was in Como Agua Para Chocolate, through a hole in a sheet.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito’s Chauffer
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:03 PM

Oh that is a good definition. And banging is for drunk sex with socks and shirts on?

-----Original Message-----
From: BC Babe
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:03 PM

i like that comment. banging does sound kindda dirty doens’t it? i don’t know about the socks though. that drives me NUTS!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: BC Babe
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:07 PM

i dont know if i entirely agree with that. i think that you should always have sweaty, noisy sex, not just in the summer. thus the season differentiation doesn’t make sense to me.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scalito
Sent:
Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:09 PM

I concur. If it’s not hot and sweaty (even in winter) it’s not sex. Making love perhaps.

2 comments:

dicta said...

a few more possibilities. you know, to help out...

bury the baby leg
hide the salami
butter the muffin
genital exercise
sweep her chimney
go belly to belly
the horizontal hustle
hot beef injection
park the pink plymouth in the garage of love
wallpapering the closet

The Namby Pamby said...

you guys have better chats during class then I do...im jealous