The Bitch Hit me.

So….I had several “bridesmaid duties” to attend to this past weekend. So I was driving around with the bride running around and doing various errands. We stopped to eat. We finish up, come out and get in my car. (As previous readers know, it’s a fairly new car that I am obsessively careful with and clean weekly. I love my car - this will help you understand the later portion of this story.) Anyhoo, I back out of the parking spot. I stop, am in the middle of changing gears to Drive, when BANG! I turn around, with what apparently was a look of complete rage (according to my friend in the passenger seat) and said, “Did that bitch just hit me, she better have not hit me.” She not only hit me, she hit me while backing down the parking lot. She was not backing out of a spot, she was just backing down the street and slammed into my rear tire fender. I don’t remember some of this as clearly as my friend so most of the rest of this story is from her happily recounting the entire event to everyone later that night.

I got out of my car, and proceeded to scream at the girl getting out, “What the fuck do you think you are doing? Huh?” (She was still up against my car, she had yet to think to move it away.) “Goddamit, move your goddamn car!” As my friend retells it, this girl, who looked like she was supposed to be some tough badass, wannabe gangasta, got a rather pitiful scared look on her face and started whining, “I sorry, I sorry, I didn’t see you! Oh god…..” (although you have to imagine it with the articulation of a white girl who thinks she may be black.) So she moves the car a foot. Then gets out and says “I’m so sorry, oh, I didn’t see you!” And I yelled back, “Move it farther, I can’t see how you fucked it up yet!” So she did. So while I’m inspecting my car and muttering several expletives under my breath, my friend got out, with a pen and paper in hand and started writing down the girls license number, car info etc. My friend says, “can I see your insurance?” And the girl goes, and this needs its own line:


“Uh, uh, well, you know, I left it at my mama’s house.”


Fucking spectacular. So I turn around, (apparently glaring at her and looking like I’m going to kill her) yell, “oh fucking perfect. Of course it is.” To which she starts apologizing some more, and offers up her license and social security number for us. (So you can see, this chick is brilliant. I would like to note here, that not once during this encounter did she dare to ask for any of my info.) So my friend writes it all down and starts to lecture her on how she should have her insurance with her because if she ever gets in a worse accident she could be in real trouble. So I get back in the car to call the significant other to ask if it would be that bad if I beat the crap out of her, and if he thought I could just explain myself to the bar, and they would understand. As I’m doing this, some woman walks up to me, and starts directing me as to what I should to. “You need to get her information, and make sure she has insurance, and….” I am already pissed off, like I need someone to think I’m an incapable moron. I then calmly tell her, “Look, I’m a law student and I work for the best known personal injury firm in the state, I think I’ll be fine.” She clammed up, said “oh” and turned and walked away. (To be fair, I was wearing my Wonder Woman shirt) I get out, with my arms crossed while my friend is writing down the girls info, and the girl apparently literally cowered down and edged closer to my friend. I didn’t say much, I just stood there with a pissed off look. She then starts pleading to my friend about how “her mama just got her this car with her tax return” and “she ain’t trippin’ yo, she has a couple scratches on her car but she be bumpin’ into things a lot lately, so she ain’t trippin.’” And I go in a mocking tone, “why would you ‘be trippin’ your dumbass hit me, I don’t give a fuck if you have scratches.” And she shut up. And we left. As my friend told everyone later, she’s never seen anyone be so angry and aggressive in an accident as me. “Everytime I get in an accident I get all serious and quiet, Larceny just jumped out and started yelling at her. I thought, what if this chick is violent or something. And then I saw this big wannabe badass cower at Larceny, and I figured that must be what growing up in Aurora gets ya.” I’ll just say this, I knew girls scarier than this chick when I was 12. Also, the bitch hit my fucking new car. That is my defense and I am sticking to it. I’d do it again.

4 comments:

dicta said...

you're my monday morning hero.

while she gave you her ssn you should've also asked for her credit card. you could've gotten something nice.

also, aurora, ill.? party time! excellent!

the littlest tortfeasor said...

Seconded. Also, I'd say that you should've emphasized your personal injury firm job to the girl who hit you, but she doesn't seem bright enough to really grasp how threatening that sounds.

Larceny Bitch said...

Damn, good point dicta. She probably would have given it to me. Also, lil'tortfeasor, I'm sure she would have had no idea what I meant if I mentioned the pi firm, but even dumbasses know the word "lawyer" doesn't mean something good is going to happen to you.

LawMommy said...

What worries me is that I'll bet you good money this chick doesn't HAVE insurance.

My car was totaled *totaled* in a parkinglot by an idiot without insurance. Fortunately, my insurance paid out... they're still in a suit to recoup the loss from him.