And the Embarssing Moment Belongs To...

The crew here at No Competition feels that we don’t share enough about ourselves, and as a result we often come off as cynical and much too sarcastic. (Oh, wait, we probably come off that way because we are that way. Hmm...) Anyway, in order to really lay ourselves out there, and perhaps gain some compassion (and comments) from our readers, we have decided to reveal our most embarrassing moments, but the trick is that you have to guess who the embarassing moment belongs to. Good Luck: only four moments, but nine bloggers to choose from…

Moment #1

I think I will just go with "what is my love life for $400."

Moment #2
Back in undergrad I was waiting tables at a large restaurant chain – you know the kind they make fun of in Office Space – and early on a Sunday evening (the freaks always seem to dine out on Sundays) there was a single gentleman that I was taking care of. Well, gentleman is a bit strong: he was clad in a ratty Nascar jacket with a matching hat that was probably older then me. He had been led to the table by the hostess and before even sitting down he demanded to know “who was waiting on him.” To make a long story short, lets just say that his behavior was even odder and ruder as the evening continued.

He received his chicken fingers entrée and proceeded to lambaste me because the fingers weren’t crispy enough. I had had it with this guy being so incredibly rude at every turn of the way. I stormed back in the kitchen with the chicken fingers and threw them on the counter: “I need CRISPY chicken fingers for this FUCKING ASSHOLE.” As I’m screaming, I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. Finishing my declaration, I slowly turned around to see my “asshole” standing in right behind me, in the middle of the kitchen! “Make sure I get some fresh fries with that too,” he snarled. I could only stand there, gaping, as I stupidly nodded my head and watched him leave the kitchen. The cooks burst out laughing. As I finished serving him, he never mentioned my pet name for him, so I’d like to hope that he didn’t hear me, but I don’t even know how it was physically possible that half of the restaurant didn’t hear me.

Moment #3

Why do all my embarrassing stories involve me and alcohol??

Over Labor Day weekend a few years ago a really good friend was getting married in Las Vegas. He was a member of a fraternity and various fraternity brothers were also present for the wedding. I had been drinking all day on the day of the wedding (I had to cure my hangover) and by the time the reception I was feeling pretty good. Fast forward to the garter toss and the bouquet toss. The garter toss is first and I boastfully claim to my then GF (who I later married), "Watch me catch this garter," as I stand there with about 10 other guys all bigger then me.

My friend tosses the garter – a rather weak toss which proceeds to go directly over his head and would have landed about 2 feet behind him. Me, I am still undaunted. I make a fabulous attempt at the garter, going airborne, and pulling my very best [insert your favorite WR here] impression. I catch the garter (we have photos). Everyone looks stunned, and my GF is shaking her head, wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into.

It gets better, next up is the bouquet toss. I whisper to my GF that if she catches the bouquet, we'll get married (remember I was drunk and we were in Vegas). The bouquet toss commences and the bride's toss ends up bouncing off my GF's hands and falling to the floor, prompting a "do-over," and a removal of the look of horror that was on my GF's face since she had ended up with the bouquet. Needless to say, she ran from the bouquet during the second toss.

The best part of this entire ordeal was that the garter toss and bouquet toss were supposed to be rigged so that a specific frat boy and his girlfriend caught the respective items; he was going to propose to her. Of course that didn't happen and of course no one bothered to inform me that everything was rigged. I proceeded to get dirty looks from all the frat boys for the remainder of the evening.

Moment #4
My first experience with the law: I was 14 and drunk on Southern Comfort and Coke. After the late session of the high school hockey tournament I was a restaurant in downtown with this gigantic plate glass window. Someone dared me to moon the dining room. As I dropped trough and pressed my ham against the window, I looked up to see a Downtown police cruiser parked not more than four feet in front of my face. I was taken into custody immediately.

So which embarrassing moment belongs to which blogger? Your blogger choices are listed on the right under "Contributors." Guess away (yes, we are comment whoring today). First one to guess the four correctly gets our undying love and affection -- and if thats not motivation enough we're open to negotiations.


eff said...

ive been linked!


Walking Tort said...

Lance Ito, Calculating bitch, John Roberts, Sandra Gay.

On a side note, I would be super pissed if I was proposed to at a wedding, or if someone proposed to someone at mine. That's the bride's day, and its way too fucking corny. He was in Vegas, he should have taken her to roulette, asked her to pick red or black, and then put the ring on that color. And if it didn't come up, he should have found himself a bridesmaid and gone home with her.

He probably would have ended up much more happy.

Christian said...

Embarrassing moment?

"You're Jewish, Im... Im..."

Oh, first week of class embarrassment. Not much to top that.

Calculating Bitch said...

Walking Tort - you got Calculating's right (is it that obvious that only I would do that?), and two of the moments do belong to Lance and John, but you have the wrong ones.

Sandra Gay is not included in the moments, although I could see #4 happening to her anyway! (Love ya, Sandra!)

So far you're definitely in the lead for ALL of our love and affection!

Larceny Bitch said...

Does it count if I do it? I can't figure out the first one, but...the again maybe I'm one of them and just trying to fake everyone else out.

2 - Calculating - easy peasy
3 - Lance Ito (it was the drinking and the shortness)
4 - John R - although I can't picture it. Not without a whole lot of yelling on his end.

LawMommy said...

Since you're comment whoring, I am commenting. Too bad the only one I could guess was Calculating, and that was essentially a shot in the dark.

I was a waitress too -- briefly. It was in a restaurant attached to a hotel. The hotel was hosting some sort of hairdressers convention and some very overteased, very trashy ladies (to loosely use the term) were giving me lots of shit. Like they'd never been in a restaurant before. Worse, the chefs were friends with the other waitress, so her orders were always up faster. Until I went in the back and said "Look,I need another order of wings for the c-nts at Table 6" -- my order came up in record time and the chefs were great to me after that. Head Chef said he'd only heard one other woman use that word aloud and he married her.
Don't think I'd ever said it aloud before or since ... at least not in a context fit for public consumption.

dicta said...

1) larceny

2) calculating

3) lance ito

4) scalito

when i was in 6th grade, we played basketball against other elementary schools in our district. well one game, this kid shouted as i shot a free throw. it was an airball, and so as i ran back to play defense, i flipped off the whole other team's bench. it was embarassing, but also awesome. and i was only 12.

Anonymous Law Student said...

Comment whoring eh? I can't match any of the moments, but I really enjoyed the post.

Are you guys 2L's like me, new 2L's, or are you 2L's that are really 2.9L's?

Calculating Bitch said...

dicta - you got the last three right! So I guess you've won our undying affection, but then again you already had it, so thats probably not saying much. Go here to claim your prize.

Flipping people off in 6th grade, huh? You're really not competitive at all, are you?

lawmommy - I've used that word before as well, but it was only when I was waiting tables. Have you seen the movie Waiting...? I was a lot like Naomi, swearing like a sailor in the kitchen and then just as polite as could be out front to the customers.

anonymous law student - we just finished our 1L year, the school has taken to referring to us as "rising 2L's", so I don't think we're officially 2Ls until classes start in the fall, but in the meantime several of us taking summer classes, so I'm not sure where that leaves us? 1.5Ls? 1Ls - 2Ls - 3Ls -- doesn't really matter. We're all just neurotic law students...

dicta said...

YES!!! woo woo!

i guess i'm a bit competitive haha. but it's selective competitiveness. for example, i played baseball thru high school and freshman year at college. so i was competitive there.

but school is another story. i mean, i do my work and try hard and all, but i dont care what grades others get, just my own. and i think lots of law students are generally more competitive than i am in this respect.

i've already had 2 classmates bother to email me over the summer to find out how i did in certain classes. i mean, law grades are on a sliding scale, so they can generally figure out how they did. why do they need to know my specific grade? to feel superior to me? please.

i transferred law schools to where i am now, and in 2 years i've only told 1 person ever any best friend at my old school.

ok i dont know how i got off on that tangent, but the moral of the story is dont yell when i'm shooting a free throw or i will flip you off!

LawMommy said...


the littlest tortfeasor said...

Oops, looks like I'm a little bit too late to guess, but I'll share an embarrassing moment:

Once (at a bar, of course) I was talking to some random guy, and he bought shots of Jager for both of us. I declined, because it makes me fighty, but he insisted that I do the shot. About 20 minutes later, we were talking about James Bond and he said that Connery was overrated. I meant to punch him in a joking way for insulting my fav Bond, but underestimated the force behind my left hook and knocked 2 of his teeth out.
The most embarrassing part? He responded by asking me to his frat formal, because it was in a shady area of town and he wanted a bodyguard.