The crew here at No Competition feels that we don’t share enough about ourselves, and as a result we often come off as cynical and much too sarcastic. (Oh, wait, we probably come off that way because we are that way. Hmm...) Anyway, in order to really lay ourselves out there, and perhaps gain some compassion (and comments) from our readers, we have decided to reveal our most embarrassing moments, but the trick is that you have to guess who the embarassing moment belongs to. Good Luck: only four moments, but nine bloggers to choose from…
I think I will just go with "what is my love life for $400."
Back in undergrad I was waiting tables at a large restaurant chain – you know the kind they make fun of in Office Space – and early on a Sunday evening (the freaks always seem to dine out on Sundays) there was a single gentleman that I was taking care of. Well, gentleman is a bit strong: he was clad in a ratty Nascar jacket with a matching hat that was probably older then me. He had been led to the table by the hostess and before even sitting down he demanded to know “who was waiting on him.” To make a long story short, lets just say that his behavior was even odder and ruder as the evening continued.
He received his chicken fingers entrée and proceeded to lambaste me because the fingers weren’t crispy enough. I had had it with this guy being so incredibly rude at every turn of the way. I stormed back in the kitchen with the chicken fingers and threw them on the counter: “I need CRISPY chicken fingers for this FUCKING ASSHOLE.” As I’m screaming, I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. Finishing my declaration, I slowly turned around to see my “asshole” standing in right behind me, in the middle of the kitchen! “Make sure I get some fresh fries with that too,” he snarled. I could only stand there, gaping, as I stupidly nodded my head and watched him leave the kitchen. The cooks burst out laughing. As I finished serving him, he never mentioned my pet name for him, so I’d like to hope that he didn’t hear me, but I don’t even know how it was physically possible that half of the restaurant didn’t hear me.
Why do all my embarrassing stories involve me and alcohol??
Over Labor Day weekend a few years ago a really good friend was getting married in
My friend tosses the garter – a rather weak toss which proceeds to go directly over his head and would have landed about 2 feet behind him. Me, I am still undaunted. I make a fabulous attempt at the garter, going airborne, and pulling my very best [insert your favorite WR here] impression. I catch the garter (we have photos). Everyone looks stunned, and my GF is shaking her head, wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into.
It gets better, next up is the bouquet toss. I whisper to my GF that if she catches the bouquet, we'll get married (remember I was drunk and we were in Vegas). The bouquet toss commences and the bride's toss ends up bouncing off my GF's hands and falling to the floor, prompting a "do-over," and a removal of the look of horror that was on my GF's face since she had ended up with the bouquet. Needless to say, she ran from the bouquet during the second toss.
The best part of this entire ordeal was that the garter toss and bouquet toss were supposed to be rigged so that a specific frat boy and his girlfriend caught the respective items; he was going to propose to her. Of course that didn't happen and of course no one bothered to inform me that everything was rigged. I proceeded to get dirty looks from all the frat boys for the remainder of the evening.
My first experience with the law: I was 14 and drunk on Southern Comfort and Coke. After the late session of the high school hockey tournament I was a restaurant in downtown with this gigantic plate glass window. Someone dared me to moon the dining room. As I dropped trough and pressed my ham against the window, I looked up to see a Downtown police cruiser parked not more than four feet in front of my face. I was taken into custody immediately.
So which embarrassing moment belongs to which blogger? Your blogger choices are listed on the right under "Contributors." Guess away (yes, we are comment whoring today). First one to guess the four correctly gets our undying love and affection -- and if thats not motivation enough we're open to negotiations.