A look back at our 1L year: A timeline

**Dates are approximate people, I barely remembered my name after finals was over - mostly because I was drunk.

April 2005: We all attend the "Admitted Student" day at our school. We all have stars in our eyes that we got here in the first place, and everyone is scared and excited. Soon, we would just be scared.

August 2005: Orientation week. This is where many of us met our what I lovingly call "clingers." Those whom all law students immediately talked to in an attempt not to be the only classmate with no friends and no one to talk to. Of course these types of relationships don't generally last long in law school, because you usually find people you like better (and that part will follow shortly.)

September 2005: First week of classes. Man were we nervously excited. We all sat waiting to see if we were really gonna have to do the Socratic Method ("please just don't let it be me.") And the most amusing part, we all payed attention completely to the professor and took thorough and detailed notes. AIM was not yet discovered. None of us really knew each other yet, so we were still hanging with the first week clingers. That and like I said, no AIM, we thought we really wanted to learn.

Early October 2005: Reality sets in. Briefing sucks, classes suck, readings suck and most importantly, our social lives have completely been taken over by law school. Outside friends want nothing to do with us because we are boring and are always reading. That, and every story we hear has a "tort" attached to it, and of course, we have to mention this all the time. "So and so got in a car accident? Did she hire a lawyer, cause that might be a case of negligence." Yup - we are now losers.

Mid October 2005 (The bitches meet): I meet Calculating Bitch, and through her Class Bitch. We make quick friends the three of us because we are desperately needing to get away from our clingers and are pretty much just looking for a way out. Calculating said to me, "wanna study?" and since she seemed at the time smarter and less annoying than my current clinger, I readily agreed. Class Bitch I met through her, and she was just as bitchy as myself and Calculating. Common bitchiness = instant friends. Calculating then introduced us to John Roberts and warned, "He's really quiet at first, but the stuff that comes out of his mouth once he gets comfortable....." She was not kidding. The things I learned from that man in the last year I hadn't ever heard of in my life, and I went to an urban "ghetto" high school people. He's a wealth of jokes in humor in bad taste. Again, instant friends. I then introduce them to Lance Ito, who has the ability to get completely drunk on a regular basis, and is a constant smart-ass. You guessed it, friends to all. Scalito is introduced to the rest of us, as Class and Calculating already knew him, and his more demure and yet biting commentary fits in well.

End October 2005: Midterms, panic ensues.

November: Grades from midterms - panic, confusion, disgust, and we quickly start to see that this is just not going to be fun at all. As John Roberts pleasantly puts it, "I feel like I just had a truck parked in my asshole."

Early December 2005: We start talking and hanging out with Sandra Gay, who has as sick a sense of humor as the rest of us, and lo and behold is also attempting to break free from an early law school friend. AIM BEGINS TO TAKE HOLD. Chat rooms are created where things are said that should never be said in public. It's great.

Mid to Late December: Finals - we all decide we hate law school. We study hard for the first exam (once even at my house, although vodka was involved at that 'study session.') Not so much for the second one, and barely at all for the third.

Winter break: We all try to do something that is not at all law related. Anything.

January 2006: Back to classes, and this time we're not so naive. Okay, so the first day we all try to tell ourselves "this semester I'm not going to chat, I'm going to pay attention." That lasted at most, a week. Especially once we got into Crim Law. Good lord, that class was boring.

**Key point: We start the blog. We figured, law school sucks and our school provides constant stories, what better way to pass the time than to make others have to hear about them?

February 2006: Continued lull in our motivation. Notes? "What notes?" Outlines? "Ah, I'll do it at the end." Briefing? As Sandra Gay says, "Christ on a bike, fuck no." Also, we add i'll be anita you play thomas to the blog, as she enters our chats on AIM and blows us away with her bitchiness and smart ass comments about us.

March 2006: Midterms - not so much panic this time, mostly because we realized from first semester that they don't really mean a damned thing. I'm not sure I spent more than an hour for each class studying, really.

April 2006: We start to realize that hey, finals are coming. Damn. Maybe I should've payed attention in class instead of chatting. Then remembering, "oh right, that wouldn't matter anyway." All future law students should learn that you really don't need to pay attention all the time anyway, most of what you need to know for exams you will learn while studying for them.

May 2006: FINALS - we start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's faint, but it's fucking there and it's all that's keeping us going.

May 8, 2006: The day that will live in infamy: We're done!!!!

To all my fellow bitches: lots of love to all, and I hope you're all hung over too. To all the other law students out there who are not yet done with the year, hang on, it's f-ing sweet when it's done.


dicta said...

so does everyone you know outside of law school ask you for legal advice yet? i get that shit all the time. and i'm like daaaaaaaamn gina, i'll be lucky if i'm qualified to give advice when i graduate and pass the bar!

Larceny Bitch said...

Ah yes, as the other bitches will tell you, after just one year of law school, people seem to think that you know everything there is to know about the law. And that's when you realize you really haven't learned much about the actual law. Go figure.