My husband is an ass

Okay, it's out there. Larceny Bitch is married. Yes, married. And you may wonder, "who would marry this chick?" The answer apparently, is an ass.

This ass wanted me to post on the blog what little "Halloween joke" he played on his wife because he contends it was funny and thinks others will agree. I contend he was an ass. Here goes:

So, asshusband and I were sitting watching Heroes (I love that show BTW) and he said, "so you know [new guy]? He asked the guys at work today if we all wear costumes on Halloween. So we told him yeah, you know just to see if he shows up in a costume. Cause that would be funny."

I reply, "That is so freakin' mean! Then he'll be all embarrassed, how mean is that. Poor [new guy.]" So I shake my head and go get a beer or something. Then I came back and asshusband says, "Well, you know what I just told you, I was just kidding, I totally told him it was a joke and we don't really wear costumes."

I said, "yeah right." He says, "No really, why don't you ever believe me?!" All huffy-like.


I get an email from [new guy] where he says, "I just want you to know what a wonderful person you married, I showed up in a purple pimp suit today, and had a big meeting."

I email asshusband and say: "You are a horrible liar." He responds, "Yeah, but it was really funny to see him show up all dressed up and everyone else in their work clothes." This goes on for about an hour where I call him mean and evil. THEN:

"Okay, now I have to tell you. This has all been a joke. [new guy] and I just thought we'd let you believe that he showed up in costume and I told him that to see if you'd get mad and if you'd really believe that. He didn't really show up in a costume. And I told him we were joking when we said we all wore costumes. It was just a prank to see if you'd get mad."

Which I did, cause he's an ass and pulled a prank on his wife.

See? Ass. Pulls a prank on his own wife. With someone I've never actually met. And he wonders why I never believe him. Then I tell John Roberts, who laughs for like 5 minutes about it. And when I tell asshusband about that he goes, "See, I figured someone would see the humor in it! It's funny."

So, funny? Or ass?


Anonymous said...

I can only hope for such a husband one day. Seriously. My type of man.

Andy said...

Funny. Really funny.

LawStudentGuyPerson said...

Can't it be both? I'm sure asshusband was counting on you being ticked off about it, but that was the risk he was willing to take to get a good laugh.

I like Heroes too.

Anonymous said...

Ass. But funny nonetheless.

Maybe not an ass - maybe a husband willing to go to great lengths to see you smile!!!!

(And that's why I want to do ADR)

Anonymous said...


And your ass of a husband and mine would get along famously.

Frillgirl looks at this very optimistically... my husband would go to great lengths to watch my face get all red and for me to get huffy. Because he thinks its cute. But not to see me smile.

Anonymous said...

BTW -- I am LOVING the Black and White compromise

John Roberts said...

Larceny, your husband is a king of men, and my hero. Also, I don't understand why you would think I wouldn't laugh, seeing as how you identify me as an ass pretty much everytime I open my mouth.

Calculating Bitch said...

Roberts, you are the epitome of an ass.

Larceny, just remember we love our asses because they are asses -- its part of their charm. (Although, Roberts is obviously exempt from that rule.)

John Roberts said...

Hey, I'm charming. At least according to your mom

Lily Graypure said...


Calculating Bitch said...

Wait, Lily, was that in response to Roberts or Larceny's husband?

Larceny Bitch said...

I just want it to be known that those of you who thought he was funny are not helping. He's walking around with a smug look on his face. And thanks for the last comment John, that really helped immensly, "King of Men" - hmph.

dicta said...


Anonymous said...

funny. hands down, absolutely funny!

Anonymous said...

I'd vote a little of A and a little of B. However, that was freaking awesomely funny, I'd have to agree.

Lily Graypure said...

They are BOTH asses. Freeze them with a laser frown or something. This kind of behavior cannot be permitted. All of you people laughing clearly do not understand the dire consequences of laughing in the face of such asshood.

erassmus said...

Your husband isn't an ass. He's an asshole. It wasn't about being funny, it was about picking on someone who is in a weaker position. What a big man. I bet he had fun in the gym in eighth grade.
And you people think it's funny? You suck just as bad as he does. It's funny so long as it's someone else. Lawyers.