Showing posts with label "wisdom". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "wisdom". Show all posts

"Tagged"

Butterflyfish apparently tagged the LawBitches to do this last Thursday. I think I noticed it, then promptly forgot. And since I am in a class that I wish I had a bottle of vodka in, I’ll answer these pressing questions.

PS to Mrs. Butterflyfish – don’t worry about OCI, none of us got jobs through OCI, and we all got jobs after our second year for the summer. Do not despair, some lawyer out there will want to hire you to make you their bitch, that’s a promise.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? Weiner King – He’s a 2L we’ve discussed before, and apparently the man has a spectacular sense of humor about our commentary about him. So while I’m not going to stop calling him Weiner King because it is a great name, he has definitely earned the honor of being a LawBitch-approved 2L.
2. What were you doing at 0800? Meeting with Calculating Bitch and Lance Ito to discuss a class. Also, whining about being there at 0800.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Trying to learn to how to sleep with my eyes open. No dice. Proceeded to wonder if the prof would notice if I started stabbing myself with a pencil to feel something, anything.
4. What happened to you in 2006? Got a job (after much searching), finished 1L year (hallelujah), was in a wedding (Christ almighty what an experience), and about the end of 2006, figured out I didn’t have to read for class.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud? “When do I get my whiskey?”
6. How many beverages did you have today? One extra large coffee thanks to Calculating who apparently wanted me to productive in our meeting this morning so she bought me one. Then a diet coke. And what I wouldn’t do for a vodka-soda right now….there’s very little I wouldn’t do.
7. What color is your hairbrush? I have many hairbrushes because I am vain.
8. What was the last thing you paid for? Wine. What?
9. Where were you last night? “Role-playing” with Swinging Kennedy, and not the exciting kind of role-playing dammit.
10. What color is your front door? WTF kind of question is that? I dunno, white? If I could I’d paint “go away” on it if that is a better answer.
11. Where do you keep your change? There’s a ton in the bottom of my school bag, because I just throw it anywhere. I hate carrying change.
12. What’s the weather like today? Sunny! (I should be on a bar patio right now)
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Mint chocolate chip, and I’m only answering so I don’t overuse “WTF kind of question is that?”
14. What excites you? Graduation!
15. Do you want to cut your hair? No, I have a roundish head, if I cut it I’d fear I would look like an Oompa Loompa. (minus the orange skin, tanning is gross)
16. Are you over the age of 25? Nope.
17. Do you talk a lot? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
18. Do you watch the O.C.? Well, this show has been off the air for like 2 years or something, so this is also a stupid question.
19. Do you know anyone named Steven? I had an ex named Steve, is that close enough?
20. Do you make up your own words? Yes, but generally I am more likely to screw up phrases i.e. “close but no tomato”
21. Are you a jealous person? No. I am awesome.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter: Ashley (I love names that are so common they can still be anonymous)
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter: K-Fed (we’re not friends, but he and I could have a total bitch-fest about Brit-Brit.)
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Sandra Gay. I think. Maybe. I never check my phone.
25. What does the last text message you received say? “What up ho-bag” from my sister. So you see, the snarkiness is apparently genetic.
26. Do you chew on your straw? No, chewing on the straw makes the opening narrower, therefore takes longer to drink the alcohol.
27. Do you have curly hair? Yes, but few know that, it gets straight really easy. As I said, awesome.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Home. “Bones” has the lead character in a Wonder Woman costume the whole time, and y’all know I need to see that.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? No one rude really. Annoying? Well, that’s too many to go through. My husband’s family make up like ¾ of that.
30. What was the last thing you ate? Awesome free lunch provided by a large firm. That’s really all they’re good for.
31. Will you get married in the future? Depends on if my husband continues to refuse to get me a puppy. Then maybe.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? “Michael Clayton” – totally a law nerd movie but a spectacular movie too. I’m convinced the corporate counsel woman in that movie is Calculating.
33. Is there anyone you like right now? Good God these questions are boring me.
34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Seriously? This is the best kind of questions the authors could come up with?
35. Are you currently depressed? ……….sigh……..this questionnaire is depressing me because it’s making it hard for me to be entertained and so I am actually considering listening to the current discussion in class. I mean really.
36. Did you cry today? No, but I did do the stomp the foot and pout when someone compared me to Lucy from Charlie Brown, as if it was a bad thing.
37. Why did you answer and post this? 1) We were “tagged” 2) I was bored
38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey: Yeah. right.


Why is it Always the Douche Bags with their Mouths Open?

I had a class this week in which one of the students made sure to point out to the rest of us that he is "here on scholarship."

Here's the thing: Shut the hell up!

Our law school is one in which perhaps 4 out of 5 students have received at least some sort of modest-to-high-end scholarship to attend. And, knowing the student who pointed out his scholarship, Im willing to bet 4 out of 5 recipients get more than this guy.

There are two responses to the "I'm on scholarship" line that we sometimes here:

1) Fuck you. I'm paying through the fucking ass to sit here, and the last thing I want to hear is about how you aren't.

2) Mines bigger than yours. In my extensive time in higher ed, I've learned that scholarships are like penis size: the more someone is bragging about it, the smaller it probably is. It is infuriating to hear someone brag immodestly (thats in contrast to "bragging modestly") about something that you know they probably shouldn't be bragging about. But the rest of us are just too sage/wise/tactful to smack down the braggart by informing the individual that, "really you're not that special."

And for those of you who think we've been dissing on 2Ls disproportionately lately (shut up in class already!), this was a 3L who hadn't yet learned his lesson.

Law School: According to Jack Handey

Class
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Finals
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

Electives
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.

OCI
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

Add This to the Handbook
I think [law school] administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another [law school] come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.

Why Drinking Is a Key Part of Law School
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

I don't get law school either.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Another note to the prospective law students:

Don't get excited about Criminal law. We all get excited, we were all gung ho in the beginning of the semester, "yeah, Crim Law! Rape, murder, robbery, what can be boring about that?!"

Just wait.

It's not what you think. You know it's bad when you start wishing desperately that you were back in Contracts just for something to keep you awake. It's also not good if you haven't take one note all class, and heck haven't even bothered to open your note-taking program (OneNote people!) And when you spend the entire class IMing people things like, "I dare you two to get up and leave class together," (Yes, lame I know) and "Double dog dare you to raise your hand and ask him what sodomy means." See? Sigh, this is wretched. But for all of you wondering out there:

It is Larceny Bitch's Birthday! Happy Birthday to ME!
So come on people out there, send Larceny some love for her birthday.