Showing posts with label 2L Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2L Year. Show all posts
Hints for Non-Law Students That Are Around Law Students During Finals Time
This is meant to be a quick guide for all of those significant others, close friends and family members out there that are unfortunate enough to have to be in contact with law students during finals time. (Note: everywhere that "her" appears it can be substituted with "he.")
DONT'S
DONT'S
- Do not nickname your law student wife/girlfriend "Nagzilla" while she is studying for finals. It doesn't matter how cute you say it or if it is simply supposed to be an affectionate pet name, she is stressed, bitchy and is not going to take it well.
- Do not call the law student while she's at the library to inform her that the lawn service came and the yard still looks like shit and you wish that your yard would only look as good as your dad's did. She doesn't care. If she doesn't care normally about the yard, then she's really not going to give a shit when you interrupt her in the middle of studying.
- Do not ask your law student to do chores when after she's been at the library for the last 15 hours. If the house is dirty it will stay dirty for another two weeks. If the garbage needs to be taken out, take it out yourself. If there are sticks in the yard that need to be picked up, well, they aren't going anywhere in the next week so it can wait.
- In the event that the law student is actually home for dinner do not make her decide what she wants to eat. Making any decisions that are not related to issue-spotting at this point will only make her burst into tears.
- Do not try to make any plans during finals period that include your law student. If it's important she'll try to make it, but don't expect anything. Any time that you get to spend with your law student during finals is simply a bonus, so be grateful for what you can get.
- Do make her dinner and/or pack her a lunch. Throw a few snacks on the counter that she can take to school with her. Law students diets -- while most are not that good to begin -- get even worse during finals. By prepping snacks for them you'll help prevent them from living off the vending machines for the next week.
- Do provide her with caffeine. Either leave a fresh-brewed pot of coffee, or charge up a Starbucks/Caribou card for her use.
- Do stay out of her way. Don't comment on the last time she bathed, how bad she smells, or how terrible her hair looks. Just let her do her thing.
- Better yet, don't even talk to her unless she talks to you first. Her mind is probably somewhere else the entire time you are talking to her, so when you ask a question and she replies, "huh?" it will just leave you mad and her confused. Best not to talk to her unless she talks to you first -- because at least then you'll know she's engaged in the conversation.
- Do understand that the outside world, for the most part, ceases to exist for a law student during finals. Finals are a time students have to learn an entire semester's material in a few short days -- grades in classes are determined by what happens during these 48- or 72-hour time spans. Law students are on emotional, mental and physical rollercoasters. Let them ride it out and simply be there for them after its over.
AssHusband Strikes Again.
I love my hubby, really I do. But sometimes, I want to punch him. But a figurative punch, not literal (for any of you future prosecutors out there.) The following conversation ensued:
Thursday
(AssHusband comes home from work with a bag from Target.)
Me: What did you get?
AssHusband: Oh, just some stuff I needed, and a toy.
Me: Another Hot Wheel? (Yes, he collects Hot Wheels. At least he doesn't collect prostitutes.)
AssHusband: Yeah. It's cool, wanna see it?!
Me: Not really. You know, how come everytime you go to Target you get yourself some little present, and you never get me anything? (Seriously, he goes like once a week)
AssHusband: ........
Friday
(AssHusband comes home again with a bag from Target.)
Me: You went to Target again?
AssHusband: Yeah, I forgot something yesterday. And guess what?! I got you a present!! (Imagine this with a really excited and proud look on his face.)
Me: (Kinda really excited) Oh yeah? What is it??
AssHusband: Here! (And he reaches in, and pulls out.........an oven mitt.)
Me: Is this an oven mitt?
AssHusband: Yeah, we needed one, and look it's in your favorite color!
Me: .............
1) Do not buy your wife/girlfiend an oven mitt as a gift.
2) It does not count as a gift if we needed it in the first place.
3) Again, an oven mitt is not a gift. It is not fun.
4) Someone teach my husband the nuances of gift buying please. Larceny will forever be in your debt.
Thursday
(AssHusband comes home from work with a bag from Target.)
Me: What did you get?
AssHusband: Oh, just some stuff I needed, and a toy.
Me: Another Hot Wheel? (Yes, he collects Hot Wheels. At least he doesn't collect prostitutes.)
AssHusband: Yeah. It's cool, wanna see it?!
Me: Not really. You know, how come everytime you go to Target you get yourself some little present, and you never get me anything? (Seriously, he goes like once a week)
AssHusband: ........
Friday
(AssHusband comes home again with a bag from Target.)
Me: You went to Target again?
AssHusband: Yeah, I forgot something yesterday. And guess what?! I got you a present!! (Imagine this with a really excited and proud look on his face.)
Me: (Kinda really excited) Oh yeah? What is it??
AssHusband: Here! (And he reaches in, and pulls out.........an oven mitt.)
Me: Is this an oven mitt?
AssHusband: Yeah, we needed one, and look it's in your favorite color!
Me: .............
1) Do not buy your wife/girlfiend an oven mitt as a gift.
2) It does not count as a gift if we needed it in the first place.
3) Again, an oven mitt is not a gift. It is not fun.
4) Someone teach my husband the nuances of gift buying please. Larceny will forever be in your debt.
Another Way Law Schools Warps You
Thanks to law review, my life has once again been warped beyond normal human being standards.
I have had the unfortunate job of doing several oral reads lately, and apparently it is affecting me more than I realized. [By the way, oral reads are when you have to read the text of an article aloud with a partner -- the catch is that you have to read EVERYTHING: spaces, capitalization, formatting, punctuation. Needless to say it's tedious.]
After Easter dinner, I was sitting on the couch when my nephew brought me a book that he wanted me to read to him. Swinging him into my lap, I grabbed the book about Snoopy the Flying Ace. We admired the art on the title page, and then I began the story. Several pages into the story I realized that he had stopped paying attention and was looking at me funny. It was then that I realized I was doing it: "Snoopy capital ess space flew space the space plane space behind space enemy space lines period. Space space He capital ech space had space to space defeat space the space Red capital arr space Baron capital bee period."
How do you explain to a three-year-old that auntie isn't crazy, she just has been brainwashed by law school?
He decided that was enough of me reading to him, and went to find a better lap.
I have had the unfortunate job of doing several oral reads lately, and apparently it is affecting me more than I realized. [By the way, oral reads are when you have to read the text of an article aloud with a partner -- the catch is that you have to read EVERYTHING: spaces, capitalization, formatting, punctuation. Needless to say it's tedious.]
After Easter dinner, I was sitting on the couch when my nephew brought me a book that he wanted me to read to him. Swinging him into my lap, I grabbed the book about Snoopy the Flying Ace. We admired the art on the title page, and then I began the story. Several pages into the story I realized that he had stopped paying attention and was looking at me funny. It was then that I realized I was doing it: "Snoopy capital ess space flew space the space plane space behind space enemy space lines period. Space space He capital ech space had space to space defeat space the space Red capital arr space Baron capital bee period."
How do you explain to a three-year-old that auntie isn't crazy, she just has been brainwashed by law school?
He decided that was enough of me reading to him, and went to find a better lap.
Be Careful What You Wish For
As you may know, this past week the Law Bitches were on Spring Break.
At our school, we get both a Fall and Sprink break, but this past Spring Break was a new experience for me. Last semester I took the final legal writing class I need to graduate, so for all of my previous midsemester breaks I had a fucking brief for my writing class hanging over my head. Mind you, I never really worked on the briefs much over school, but I never took the break as a break. Rather, I would spend the entire break procrastinating rather than relaxing and generally wishing I didn't have a brief hanging over my head.
This past break, I had no brief hanging over my head. I also didn't have any other school projects that could be worked on, so I really had nothing relating to law school to do this break. It was fucking glorious. I spent a little bit of my break at work, but mostly I just sat around doing nothing and loving it.
The problem is that school starts back up tomorrow, and it seems that rather than getting rejuvinated over break, I just increased my antipathy towards school. I have no idea how I am going to motivate myself to show up to class tomorrow, let alone finish the semester.
Fucking law school.
At our school, we get both a Fall and Sprink break, but this past Spring Break was a new experience for me. Last semester I took the final legal writing class I need to graduate, so for all of my previous midsemester breaks I had a fucking brief for my writing class hanging over my head. Mind you, I never really worked on the briefs much over school, but I never took the break as a break. Rather, I would spend the entire break procrastinating rather than relaxing and generally wishing I didn't have a brief hanging over my head.
This past break, I had no brief hanging over my head. I also didn't have any other school projects that could be worked on, so I really had nothing relating to law school to do this break. It was fucking glorious. I spent a little bit of my break at work, but mostly I just sat around doing nothing and loving it.
The problem is that school starts back up tomorrow, and it seems that rather than getting rejuvinated over break, I just increased my antipathy towards school. I have no idea how I am going to motivate myself to show up to class tomorrow, let alone finish the semester.
Fucking law school.
How Little I Know the Rules of PR
tinkles so if you are an animal lawyer
tinkles: and you are defending a horse
tinkles: would it be a conflict of interest to ride it during the weekends?
calculating: well, thats kind of like having sex with a client. I think its okay as long as you rode it before it became a client.
calculating: But if you only started after the client relationship began, then it would be a conflict of interest.
tinkles: well lets say you rode its mother
tinkles: while it was inside
tinkles: so you kinda rode her
calculating: Well, technically still wouldn't have been a client yet…although that may become a gray area. Who is paying for the representation?
Today Would Have Been a Good Day to Skip Class
Ever have one of those classes where you leave the room feeling like your head just exploded?
Room 321: that’s the room where the remnants of my brain are left splattered on the wall.
I looked around me at the stunned students and started laughing. He wasn’t joking. Yet, I kept laughing. Loudly. He didn't seem phased.
Frantic IMing and emailing ensued:
“This is infuckingcredible.”
“Are we secretly on Boiling Points right now? 'cause if they want to come out and say, congratulations you didn't throw a temper fit, here is $100 I would be okay with that.”
“I don't know what is going on. I’m scared.”
Calculating: “I think I just lost it. My marbles that is.”
Broad-Shouldered Law Student (BSLS): “You and everyone else. I hope we won't be asked to do this on the test.”
Calculating: “There is no test. Thank God.”
BSLS: “But we do have to do something. Hopefully it's something like opening a savings account.”
Broad-Shouldered Law Student (BSLS): “You and everyone else. I hope we won't be asked to do this on the test.”
Calculating: “There is no test. Thank God.”
BSLS: “But we do have to do something. Hopefully it's something like opening a savings account.”
Shoegirl: “I'm sooo glad I took cold pills before this.”
Calculating: “Nice and numb, huh?”
Shoegirl: “oh yeah, everything's just pretty”
Calculating: “Nice and numb, huh?”
Shoegirl: “oh yeah, everything's just pretty”
Calculating: “I had a terrible headache before class started but now I think my head will explode.”
LittleMiss: “Well lucky you, because then you won't be able to hear him anymore.”
LittleMiss: “Well lucky you, because then you won't be able to hear him anymore.”
But it wasn’t over yet. Class ended 30 minutes later with the prof finishing up by saying, “See how important and exciting this spot on the drafting tour is?”
I left the class, still laughing. I think he broke my brain.
Why Being a Law Student is Better Than Working a Real Job
6:30 am: Alarm goes off.
7:00 am: Finally reach semi-conscious state, grab laptop and check school closings online. Law school still open.
7:05 am: Really want to go back to bed. Call the Law School snow hotline. School still open.
7:15 am: Begrudgingly get out of bed. Have to work at school at 8 am.
7:20 am: Get in car and drive-thru local coffee shop.
8:10 am: Arrive at school after a lovely commute.
From 8:10 to 10:30: Watch snow flakes swirl down in almost white-out conditions outside the law school.
10:39 am: Email from Dean. Law School is closing at 3:15.
11:30 am: Finish work. Decide that it doesn't matter that 1:30 class hasn't been cancelled yet, I'm not waiting around for it. God forbid I get stuck in the law school.
12:55 pm: Get home. Saw only 4 cars in the ditch during the drive home. Shovel way to front door. Cleaning the driveway is going to be a bitch.
1:00 pm: Check email. 1:30 class still not cancelled, but Prof says attendance will not be taken.
1:20 pm: Sit down to work on Letter of Intent due on Saturday for the "class from hell." Turn on TV. Flip through daytime TV melodramas and land on bad cable TV movie.
1:30 pm: IM Lance, who went to class. Ask how many people are there. 22 out of 78. Suckers.
1:32 pm: Tell Lance about how productive I'm being at home. "A high-school wresting champ (Fred Savage) puts the moves on fellow student (Candace Cameron), then becomes possessive — and abusive. Cameo by Sally Jessy Raphael." His response: "Watching Lifetime, huh?"
1:35 pm: Switch over to HBO. Movie with Heath Ledger and Orlando Bloom just starting. I think I'll just mute the TV (eye candy!) and work on my Letter of Intent.
1:40 pm: Notice that my path from the garage to the door is already covered in snow. Watch the neighbor kids outside. Wish I was 12 again. Wonder how much I can bribe them to clean my driveway.
1:45 pm: Back to work on that damn letter.
1:50 pm: Wonder how much snow plow drivers make. Wonder if it is a better job then being a lawyer.
2:00 pm: IM Lance again. Ask him how Fantasy Gunner in class is going. He says its a good day since mostly gunners are there and no Socratic method. Think for 20 seconds, "I should have gone to class" as I stare at a half-naked Heath Ledger. Nah.
2:00 pm - 2:30 pm: Chat with Lance. He's pretty bored in class.
2:30 pm: Back to work on that letter. Finish salutation.
2:35 pm: Watch school bus get stuck on my unplowed street. Think for 20 seconds, "I should go help dig him out" as I go back to staring at Heath Ledger.
2:45 pm: Look at neighbor kids playing again. Seriously wonder how much it will cost me to make them spend the next two hours cleaning the driveway.
2:55 pm: Decide that I'm wasting my half-assed snow day. Technically, I don't even have to leave the house again until Monday. The snow could melt by then...
Screw it, I'm getting drunk.
7:00 am: Finally reach semi-conscious state, grab laptop and check school closings online. Law school still open.
7:05 am: Really want to go back to bed. Call the Law School snow hotline. School still open.
7:15 am: Begrudgingly get out of bed. Have to work at school at 8 am.
7:20 am: Get in car and drive-thru local coffee shop.
8:10 am: Arrive at school after a lovely commute.
From 8:10 to 10:30: Watch snow flakes swirl down in almost white-out conditions outside the law school.
10:39 am: Email from Dean. Law School is closing at 3:15.
11:30 am: Finish work. Decide that it doesn't matter that 1:30 class hasn't been cancelled yet, I'm not waiting around for it. God forbid I get stuck in the law school.
12:55 pm: Get home. Saw only 4 cars in the ditch during the drive home. Shovel way to front door. Cleaning the driveway is going to be a bitch.
1:00 pm: Check email. 1:30 class still not cancelled, but Prof says attendance will not be taken.
1:20 pm: Sit down to work on Letter of Intent due on Saturday for the "class from hell." Turn on TV. Flip through daytime TV melodramas and land on bad cable TV movie.
1:30 pm: IM Lance, who went to class. Ask how many people are there. 22 out of 78. Suckers.
1:32 pm: Tell Lance about how productive I'm being at home. "A high-school wresting champ (Fred Savage) puts the moves on fellow student (Candace Cameron), then becomes possessive — and abusive. Cameo by Sally Jessy Raphael." His response: "Watching Lifetime, huh?"
1:35 pm: Switch over to HBO. Movie with Heath Ledger and Orlando Bloom just starting. I think I'll just mute the TV (eye candy!) and work on my Letter of Intent.
1:40 pm: Notice that my path from the garage to the door is already covered in snow. Watch the neighbor kids outside. Wish I was 12 again. Wonder how much I can bribe them to clean my driveway.
1:45 pm: Back to work on that damn letter.
1:50 pm: Wonder how much snow plow drivers make. Wonder if it is a better job then being a lawyer.
2:00 pm: IM Lance again. Ask him how Fantasy Gunner in class is going. He says its a good day since mostly gunners are there and no Socratic method. Think for 20 seconds, "I should have gone to class" as I stare at a half-naked Heath Ledger. Nah.
2:00 pm - 2:30 pm: Chat with Lance. He's pretty bored in class.
2:30 pm: Back to work on that letter. Finish salutation.
2:35 pm: Watch school bus get stuck on my unplowed street. Think for 20 seconds, "I should go help dig him out" as I go back to staring at Heath Ledger.
2:45 pm: Look at neighbor kids playing again. Seriously wonder how much it will cost me to make them spend the next two hours cleaning the driveway.
2:55 pm: Decide that I'm wasting my half-assed snow day. Technically, I don't even have to leave the house again until Monday. The snow could melt by then...
Screw it, I'm getting drunk.
Scaring Them Before They Even Get Here
During the law school open house, a prospective student was cornered by Professor Jurisprudence (who looks like a senile grandfather) and Professor Constitutional & International Law (who looks like a shell-shocked war veteran).
After being lead into a debate on legal philosophy and war and terrorism, the poor prospective had a rather horrified look on his face. Professor Jurisprudence leaned over and said, in attempt to be comforting:
"You can just call us love and war."
After being lead into a debate on legal philosophy and war and terrorism, the poor prospective had a rather horrified look on his face. Professor Jurisprudence leaned over and said, in attempt to be comforting:
"You can just call us love and war."
First Impressions
You can always tell how well a class is going to go depending on the professor's first words:
"Okay, this morning we are going to start with some arts and crafts.”
versus
"How many of you speak Latin?"
"Okay, this morning we are going to start with some arts and crafts.”
versus
"How many of you speak Latin?"
Law School Ruins the iPhone
In case you haven't noticed, I'm the resident Mac Zealot (yes, that makes me better than you). There have been rumors swirling in the Mac community for a couple years about Apple releasing a cell phone, touch screen iPods, etc. None of them were really given much credibility since they all seemed outrageous.
Today Apple confirmed them all when Steve Jobs (a.k.a. The Dear Leader) announced the iPhone, a touch screen smart phone that sports a fully featured web browser as well as iPod capabilities.
My first thought? "Oh, mobile Westlaw!"
Fucking law school.
Because We Care
Pretty much every law student is either currently taking finals or has just finished them up. We know how shitty and draining finals can be, and since the staff here at There's No Competition is such a caring bunch, we thought we'd post some cute and cuddly pictures to cheer you all up.
To those considering going to law school
DON'T. FUCKING. DO. IT.
Law school is pretty much going to ruin your life, you are after all, working towards becoming an attorney. It's also going to cost you a big chunk of change in the process.
My suggestion would be that if you want to ruin your life and spend a lot of money doing it, pick up a hard drug habit. At least then you'll enjoy the trip to the bottom. I hear coke's a blast.
Law school is pretty much going to ruin your life, you are after all, working towards becoming an attorney. It's also going to cost you a big chunk of change in the process.
My suggestion would be that if you want to ruin your life and spend a lot of money doing it, pick up a hard drug habit. At least then you'll enjoy the trip to the bottom. I hear coke's a blast.
Timeline: Studying for Law School Finals The LawBitch Way
14 Days Before First Exam: Take a look at finals schedule. Realize you have two weeks before your first final. Spending time surfing the internet, looking at porn.
10 Days Before First Exam: Take a break from looking at online porn to open a word document and think about starting outlines. Stare at blinking cursor for two minutes. Go back to looking at porn online.
7 Days Before First Exam: Shut down your computer, it needs a break and so do you. Go to the bar. Stop at the liquor store on the way there and pickup a .175 of Captain.
5 Days Before First Exam: Get back from the bar. Sober up long enough to look at your notes. Realize they are absolute crap.
4 Days Before First Exam: Run to bookstore. Get lucky enough to snag the last copy of CrunchTime or Emmanuel’s off the shelves.
3 Days Before First Exam: Go back to the bar. Consume so much alcohol in three hours that you start a fight with someone twice your size, and mistakenly spill a drink down the front of the hostess’s shirt. Since you are no longer welcome at the bar, return home and open a new word document.
2 Days Before First Exam: Complain to all of your friends about how law school is bullshit and you haven’t had time to start your outlines yet because you’ve been so busy. Start re-typing CrunchTime/Emmanuel’s into a word document. Save as “outline.”
1 Day Before First Exam: Find Jesus.
Day of First Exam: Finish final 40 minutes early. Go into the bathroom and cut yourself.
Day after First Exam and before Second Exam: Start re-typing your commercial supplement for the next class into a new word document. Surf internet porn for an hour. Finish making your “outline,” doing a shot each time you type the word “reasonable.”
Day of Second Exam: Finish final 70 minutes early. Go home and cry self to sleep.
Day after Second Exam, oh wait, it’s the Day of Third Exam: get to school one hour before the exam. Photocopy the main pages of your commercial supplement. Staple together and write “outline” on the top (preferably in crayon, if available). Finish final in half the allotted time. Head to the bar. Stay there. Permanently. Who cares if you have any more finals?
10 Days Before First Exam: Take a break from looking at online porn to open a word document and think about starting outlines. Stare at blinking cursor for two minutes. Go back to looking at porn online.
7 Days Before First Exam: Shut down your computer, it needs a break and so do you. Go to the bar. Stop at the liquor store on the way there and pickup a .175 of Captain.
5 Days Before First Exam: Get back from the bar. Sober up long enough to look at your notes. Realize they are absolute crap.
4 Days Before First Exam: Run to bookstore. Get lucky enough to snag the last copy of CrunchTime or Emmanuel’s off the shelves.
3 Days Before First Exam: Go back to the bar. Consume so much alcohol in three hours that you start a fight with someone twice your size, and mistakenly spill a drink down the front of the hostess’s shirt. Since you are no longer welcome at the bar, return home and open a new word document.
2 Days Before First Exam: Complain to all of your friends about how law school is bullshit and you haven’t had time to start your outlines yet because you’ve been so busy. Start re-typing CrunchTime/Emmanuel’s into a word document. Save as “outline.”
1 Day Before First Exam: Find Jesus.
Day of First Exam: Finish final 40 minutes early. Go into the bathroom and cut yourself.
Day after First Exam and before Second Exam: Start re-typing your commercial supplement for the next class into a new word document. Surf internet porn for an hour. Finish making your “outline,” doing a shot each time you type the word “reasonable.”
Day of Second Exam: Finish final 70 minutes early. Go home and cry self to sleep.
Day after Second Exam, oh wait, it’s the Day of Third Exam: get to school one hour before the exam. Photocopy the main pages of your commercial supplement. Staple together and write “outline” on the top (preferably in crayon, if available). Finish final in half the allotted time. Head to the bar. Stay there. Permanently. Who cares if you have any more finals?
Law School has Ruined me as an Interesting Person
I traveled for the holiday, but since I'm on a law student's budget (and have been too busy to sell bodily fluids/redundant organs), I picked my flight based on price rather than convenience. This meant that on the way home, I ended up flying into a tiny little airport in the middle of Bumfuck, USA about a 1.5 hour car ride from home, rather than right to home.
Once I got to this tiny little airport I had to rent a car to make the drive home. I've always been pretty skeptical of companies asking me to sign contracts, as I see them pretty much as a way to make me hemorrhage money out my ass. But since I am now an OFFICIAL JUNIOR LAWYER™, I can now do something about it, and today I got my first chance.
After reading over the rental agreement, I noticed that the return date was listed as tomorrow, even though I would be returning the car today. However, the contract had a clause stating that if you returned the car early, your daily rate could go up. This set my anus aquivering, as it has a pretty good instinct of when it is about to get something forcibly inserted in it. I pointed these two things out to the rental agent. She said not to worry about it, as that clause is just there for multi-day agreements.
So here's how law school has ruined me as an interesting person. Instead of just taking the clerk at her word or even doing some crazy shit like ignoring the clerk and then bitching about how OMG BIG COMPANIES are out to screw the little guy, I had to make a feeble attempt to legally indemnify my ass. So after the clerk made her reasonable explanation, I of course had to say "well if it doesn't matter, would you mind if I just crossed this clause out and then we could both initial it?" Of course, since the clerk is a human being she didn't have a problem, I crossed out the clause, and we initialed away.
But it gets worse. Not only was I that LEGAL DICKHEAD GUY, but afterwards I was grinning like an idiot because I had applied something I learned in class in the real world. Thanks law school, you managed to make me into a nerdy dick.
TL;DR Version: law school has made me into an unapologetic anal retentive nerd.
Once I got to this tiny little airport I had to rent a car to make the drive home. I've always been pretty skeptical of companies asking me to sign contracts, as I see them pretty much as a way to make me hemorrhage money out my ass. But since I am now an OFFICIAL JUNIOR LAWYER™, I can now do something about it, and today I got my first chance.
After reading over the rental agreement, I noticed that the return date was listed as tomorrow, even though I would be returning the car today. However, the contract had a clause stating that if you returned the car early, your daily rate could go up. This set my anus aquivering, as it has a pretty good instinct of when it is about to get something forcibly inserted in it. I pointed these two things out to the rental agent. She said not to worry about it, as that clause is just there for multi-day agreements.
So here's how law school has ruined me as an interesting person. Instead of just taking the clerk at her word or even doing some crazy shit like ignoring the clerk and then bitching about how OMG BIG COMPANIES are out to screw the little guy, I had to make a feeble attempt to legally indemnify my ass. So after the clerk made her reasonable explanation, I of course had to say "well if it doesn't matter, would you mind if I just crossed this clause out and then we could both initial it?" Of course, since the clerk is a human being she didn't have a problem, I crossed out the clause, and we initialed away.
But it gets worse. Not only was I that LEGAL DICKHEAD GUY, but afterwards I was grinning like an idiot because I had applied something I learned in class in the real world. Thanks law school, you managed to make me into a nerdy dick.
TL;DR Version: law school has made me into an unapologetic anal retentive nerd.
To Be a Law Student. Sigh.
A recent conversation:
Calculating: Get this, I was fooling around on Westlaw the other day (instead of doing brief research) and there is a Schmuck v. US. Guess what Mr. Schmuck does?
John: LOL
Calculating: He's a used car distributor.
John: Ha!
Calculating: I thought that was pretty good
John: Yes. But I think what is quite sad about law students is that "fooling around on Westlaw" is considered normal procrastination/entertainment time.
Calculating: Well, I had been looking for something for my brief, then Scalito said something about a schmuck so I was quick to see if I could find a case where it was used.
John: Sure, blame Scalito. We all know you are the Westlaw queen
Calculating: Of course
John: Ah
Calculating: Well then he did start laughing at me for my willingness to so easily distracted... Alright, alright. I lead a sad, sad life
John: Don't we all? I can't wait to be done with law school. Although then I will have to be a lawyer, so maybe rushing through isn’t such a good idea.
I Never Cried Before Law School
I'm 26 years old and for the first time in my life I just really want to run away from home:
Researching for appellate brief...........8.50 hrs
Doing stuff for student government........4.25 hrs
Authority Checks for law review...........5.50 hrs
Catching up on reading missed in the last 6 weeks.... 5.75 hrs
Starting outlines/study tools for classes............ 7.75 hrs
Working Job #1............................9.25 hrs
Working Job #2........................... 8.50 hrs
Cleaning my house for the 1st time this semester..... 6.25 hrs
Going to class............................0.00 hrs
Drinking.................................15.50 hrs
Prepping for class my 3 classes on Monday...... ...... 4.25 hrs
Total Hours Worked......................136.75 hours
Total Billable..........................17.75 hours
What this really means:
Period of 14-OCT-06 to 22-OCT-06
Time Sheet for Calculating Bitch
Working on upperlevel paper...............61.25 hrsResearching for appellate brief...........8.50 hrs
Doing stuff for student government........4.25 hrs
Authority Checks for law review...........5.50 hrs
Catching up on reading missed in the last 6 weeks.... 5.75 hrs
Starting outlines/study tools for classes............ 7.75 hrs
Working Job #1............................9.25 hrs
Working Job #2........................... 8.50 hrs
Cleaning my house for the 1st time this semester..... 6.25 hrs
Going to class............................0.00 hrs
Drinking.................................15.50 hrs
Prepping for class my 3 classes on Monday...... ...... 4.25 hrs
Total Hours Worked......................136.75 hours
Total Billable..........................17.75 hours
What this really means:
- Only 218 hours has passed since my last class ended, and an average of 8 hours of sleep a night would put me at 138 available working hours.
- No wonder my husband complains that I'm never around.
- At least having a week off from class has allowed me to get 8 hours of sleep a night.
- In all fairness, most of the drinking was done while writing and researching, so I'm guilty of double-billing on that account.
- My billables versus hours worked amount to a productivity rate of about 13%.
- I should have drank A LOT more than I did this last week.
- Instead of returning to school after a week off feeling refreshed I feel even more burnt out.
- 2L year they really do work you to death.
- Running away from home at this point wouldn't even help...
- How many more weeks until this
semesteryear is over?
An Open Letter to our Legal Writing Profs
To Whom It May Concern (which is probably no one, but I haven't bitched for at least a week now, so I'm due):
One of the main reasons that I decided to come to this particular law school is because we get a week off halfway through Fall Semester. As far as I know, no other law school does that. (No other law school gives midterms, either, but that is another story.)
As a 1L, my fall break was spent trying to recover from midterms by sitting in the library slaving over my memo every day. My spring break was spent much the same, although it was a summary judgment motion that semester.
In my naiveté, I some how thought that 2L year would be different. My fall break would be spent vacationing in some exotic locale as the weather in law school state turned colder. Um, no. I should have know that once again I'd be a slave to an effing legal writing assignment.
To my legal writing prof -- thanks a lot for throwing that appellate brief at us last week! To the prof supervising my upperlevel paper, I know I'm the only one to blame for this not being done six weeks ago, and I promise I'll have it to you by the end of the week...
To the other lawbitches that are not currently taking legal writing or working on their upperlevel requirement, enjoy your spring break. Since I'll be done with all of my writing requirements by the end of this semester, I will be thinking of you as I sit on a beach somewhere, downing shots of tequila as you are bent over your computer in one of the cold corners of the library. Don't worry, I'll drink one for you.
To everyone else that doesn't go to our law school and get a week off halfway through fall semester, I know I should have sympathy for you. But I don't. (And admitting otherwise would only detract from my bitch status.) Sucks to be you!
One of the main reasons that I decided to come to this particular law school is because we get a week off halfway through Fall Semester. As far as I know, no other law school does that. (No other law school gives midterms, either, but that is another story.)
As a 1L, my fall break was spent trying to recover from midterms by sitting in the library slaving over my memo every day. My spring break was spent much the same, although it was a summary judgment motion that semester.
In my naiveté, I some how thought that 2L year would be different. My fall break would be spent vacationing in some exotic locale as the weather in law school state turned colder. Um, no. I should have know that once again I'd be a slave to an effing legal writing assignment.
To my legal writing prof -- thanks a lot for throwing that appellate brief at us last week! To the prof supervising my upperlevel paper, I know I'm the only one to blame for this not being done six weeks ago, and I promise I'll have it to you by the end of the week...
To the other lawbitches that are not currently taking legal writing or working on their upperlevel requirement, enjoy your spring break. Since I'll be done with all of my writing requirements by the end of this semester, I will be thinking of you as I sit on a beach somewhere, downing shots of tequila as you are bent over your computer in one of the cold corners of the library. Don't worry, I'll drink one for you.
To everyone else that doesn't go to our law school and get a week off halfway through fall semester, I know I should have sympathy for you. But I don't. (And admitting otherwise would only detract from my bitch status.) Sucks to be you!
Ah, the Callback...
What kind of questions are you supposed to ask at a callback interview?
1. How much do you pay?
2. Can I surf for porn at work?
3. What criteria will I be evaluated against?
4. What processes are in place to help me manage the workload as a busy law student?
5. Do I get a free "Booze of the Month" club membership?
6. Sex on my desk. Kosher?
7. What is something you wish you would have known about the firm before you accepted your position?
8. What is your favorite thing about working for the firm? Your least favorite?
9. I have a slight drinking problem and huge gambling problem. I might miss work occassionally because I'll be on 15 hour benders at the casino. However, I'll always spend the following 24 hours in the office making up my lost time. Do you forsee this as being a problem?
1. How much do you pay?
2. Can I surf for porn at work?
3. What criteria will I be evaluated against?
4. What processes are in place to help me manage the workload as a busy law student?
5. Do I get a free "Booze of the Month" club membership?
6. Sex on my desk. Kosher?
7. What is something you wish you would have known about the firm before you accepted your position?
8. What is your favorite thing about working for the firm? Your least favorite?
9. I have a slight drinking problem and huge gambling problem. I might miss work occassionally because I'll be on 15 hour benders at the casino. However, I'll always spend the following 24 hours in the office making up my lost time. Do you forsee this as being a problem?
10. Can you tell me how your firm governance is set up? How are officers chosen?
11. If you died and were re-incarnated as a character on "The Loveboat," who would you be?
As long as you use at least 5 of the above 11 you'll definitely get an offer.
11. If you died and were re-incarnated as a character on "The Loveboat," who would you be?
As long as you use at least 5 of the above 11 you'll definitely get an offer.